Monday March 1st in Ekaterinburg

We woke Monday morning feeling much more refreshed and relaxed and made our way down to the American breakfast the hotel offered all its travellers. Lidia picked us up at 930am as promised and took us to the Ministry of Education, where we received our official referral of the twin boys, Pavel and Alexander. We signed and accepted our referral and made our way to the orphange #5, in the city, and a short drive from the hotel . Dr. Oleg Togayev, Chief Pediatrician of the Medical institute in Moscow and our independently hired Doctor, was already waiting for us at the orphange and reviewing the children's extensive medical files.
We entered a snow covered yard and a up the steps to the hall of the orphange. We were give blue hospital booties to cover our shoes from the outside dirt and made our way to the second floor playroom where Dr. Oleg was waiting for us and where we sat for a few minutes before they brought our boys to us.
That initial moment when the care givers walked into the room with these two tiny little boys, our hearts stopped. They placed them on the carpeting and we approached them slowly and knelt to say hello. They looked scared, confused and overwhelmed by the people and the atmosphere of the room. This was all new to the 14 month old twins and new to us as well.
We brought out some of the toys, including a musical dog that quickly became the hit of the playroom.
Our American friend Jeni was in the room with their son Thomas, and we said hi and shared some toys between the kids. It quickly became clear who of the twins was the socialite, laugh a minute, ants in the pants, boy...Alexander (Noah). He warmed to us immediately and laughed and giggled as you tickled his belly that hung out from the shirt that was clearly too short for him. Pavel (Jack) was going to be more work, and he studied us and made us "prove" ourselves to him. I found out that I could win him over and get a smile by tickling his toes !!
But he still cautiously smiled and studied us like we were lab mice. Dr. Oleg did an exstensive exam on each of the boys after consulting with the orphange doctor about their Medical Files. he Said he was VERY IMPRESSED on how thick and extensive the medical files were and he had never seen that in an orphange. This news put us at ease. Dr. Oleg did cognitive, physical, and sensory exams on both the boys, and we did our own studying, photo taking and video at the same time.
Pavel (Jack) was interested in the puzzle I brought and amazed me by trying to imitate me and put the pieces back together. Pretty advanced for a 14 month old...then of course, in infant fashion, he put the puzzle in his mouth.
Both boys could walk assisted while holding your hand, could stand for a few minutes on their own, followed toys, resonded to their nicknames (Sasha and Pasha) and looked for dropped objects. They laughed, smiled and played like typical 14 month old boys.
After several hours (about 3) Dr Oleg formed his evaluation and gave us our much needed news about the boys and our pending adoption.
In summation....The only thing these boys need is loving parents, a good home and care and interaction. There is no more risk with these twins then with any adopted child. There was absolutely NO sign or indication of FAS (which was a relief) and their bio mom actually received pre natal care at about 27 weeks. Rare for Russia and made Dr. Oleg very surprised and happy.
Dr. Oleg's eval was what we needed to hear, as we had already fallen in love with the boys.
Of course they were a bit underweight, nothing that a few months with grandmom wouldn't fix and they will need the standard months of adjustment from institutional life to home life, but we knew that they would thrive outside the orphange.
although the care and medical at this orphange is the best in Russia, institutional life is still not for any child. The unfortunate part is that this region of Ekaterinburg takes about 6-8 months to complete adoptions, so that's a long time for us to be apart from our boys both emotionally and developmentally.
We left Day One on cloud nine knowing that we have just passed the next hill of adoption and officially announced that we were adopting Pavel and Alexander as our sons ! 3/1/10, mark the date...it will be just one of many miraculous ones to come. !

Travel to Russia...Feb 26, 2010...FINALLY !

We left the Philadelphia airport at 610pm on Friday with no problems. We were anxious, ready and excited all in one. An uneventful flight on Lufthansa with plenty of room to stretch out as the flight wasn't full. Joe of course moved over one seat so we could sleep comfortably and managed to get the one drunk on the plane behind him that repeatedly grabbed at his head in his sleep and argued with himself. Too funny ! Leave it to Joe.
First notable difference between American and foreign carriers...more legroom, they feed you twice, and wine and beer is free ! A definite plus to travelling Lufthansa, besides being able to leave from PHL.
We arrived in Frankfurt on time with no issues at 8:30am and had lots of hours to kill before our 10pm flight to Ekaterinburg. A bus (yes , I said bus) took us to the terminal from our flight and from there we asked a Lufthansa rep where to go to explore the city a bit. After a few more directions ( No problems, as everyone spoke English) we found a baggage check to leave our carryons and proceeded to the local train into town to Haptendof Station. (that isn't how its spelled but its how we pronounced it !) We quickly found a on/off sightseeing tour bus and proceeded to explore Frankfurt for a while. Neat city, very industrial, not too cold, and busy. After about 4 hours of exploration in Frankfurt we hit the let lag and sleepy wall !! We couldn't keep our eyes open anymore. We found the train back to the airport and got a small bite to eat (no choices other than Bratwurst, even at McDonald's) and then found a small terminal on the basement floor of the airport that reminded us of Tom Hanks' movie. We took our stolen airplane blankets and each took a bench and tried to re-charge our batteries. Apparently, some other passengers followed our lead and this area quickly became the sleeping center in FRA airport.
Finally at 1010pm we boarded the bus to take us to our plane to Russia. A modern and comfortable 747 where they again, feed you and give you free beer, wine and soda. We were the ONLY Americans on the flight, but I sat next to a nice girl that we chatted with and Joe was beside a Mother and Son who were amazed that we were from AMERICA ! A quite flight for 5 hours to Ekat from Frankfurt and we slept a few more hours before we arrived in Ekaterinburg at 7am local time. 10 hours ahead of the East Coast.
The airport was quiet, spotlessly clean and stark white, and mostly glass. yes, I almost walked into a glass wall...go figure! We proceeded to passport control and presented our visas without question and as promised Lidia and Yuri were waiting for us after customs with the DI EDUARDO sign clearly written.
Into the Lada (the Ford of Russia) we went and off to a quick and easy ride to the Park Inn.
We noticed that Ekat had trees like Georigia Pines and the snow was packed tightly like a blacktop, so cars could easily drive and manuever on it without issue.
Knowing we were exhausted, Lidia and Yuri said goodbye and promised to pick us up at 9:30am for our first trip to the orphange. We welcomed the room and the bed and napped for several hours before meeting our American friends in the lobby at about 700pm.
Jeni and Jason are here from Minnesota adopting their 4th child, and you could not ask for better people or better resources. They know the ropes and they are gladly sharing them with all us PAPs ! A few hours later Beth Hurley, from Boston, also joined us. She was here for her court date on Wednesday. We laughed and shared stories and marvelled at how we were all at the three different stages of Russian adoption and knowing and empathizing with the road that preceeded the one we were all on.
Off to bed for a long and rewarding Day One on Monday March 1st !

Preparation for the Flight and Trip One

So, we are packing our bags waiting for our 6pm flight from Philly to Frankfurt. Luckily the Lufthansa pilots have settled and are not going to strike on Thursday..what a plus for us, since the pilot is the essential part of the flight ! We reviewed our checklist with Michalina and prepared our clean, crisp, $100 bills of year 2000 series...(no, I am not kidding and you could imagine that conversation at the bank!). We have also recently connected with two other Frank Adoption families who know the road very well in Yekaterinburg. Carol and Richard from Cherry Hill and Jeni and Jason from Minnesota. What a huge help they have been in giving us some valuable insider information. Jeni and Jason will be picking up their son while we are on trip one, so we will meet at the Park Inn hotel while we are all staying there. What a nice treat to have American faces and people you know (even if its just over the phone!). Carol and Richard being in NJ is a huge benefit because their paperwork roads will be the same as ours and they have already travelled them and mapped out some of the rough turns. This could save huge amounts of time and money.
So the big question is, how long before you take them home. Well, that's where adoption gets very funny and the different regions come into play. Ekaterinburg is a one judge place with a long waiting period between trips (4-7 months) and TONS of redundant paperwork. So we aren't painting the bedroom just yet. There are still several hurdles to pass before we bring anyone home. Keeping in mind also, that until you actually have your children IN HAND, nothing is finished in Russia and anything could change at any time; including a Russian family adopting your children. Yes, it isn't fair, but then again Adoption isn't fair and the laws in the US and Internationally are not on adoptive parents sides in many respects. Maybe someday that will change, maybe it won't; but I think it just weeds out the faint at heart and spirit.

So, while we are in Ekat I will be posting some updates on our trip. We are in the city orphanage, which is a short travel distance from the hotel (nice !). We receive our VISAS on Friday morning (no sense in not cutting it close) and then we are off to the Philly airport for our 14 hour layover in Frankfurt. We might use that time to take a quick cab ride through Frankfurt and take in some sights ! Why not... we have 14 hours. Then on Sunday it is relaxation day upon arrival to Ekaterinburg and sleeping til Monday morning when Olga gets us to meet the kids ! Emotion, emotion, emotion.

We will have email in Russia, so feel free to email anytime. Please don't call unless its an emergency..(at $3.99 a minute !). Again, thank you to everyone for their care and concern and we will see you next in Siberia !!

FINALLY !!! TRIP ONE DATES

So here we are , returning from a week long cruise during a major northeast snowstorm. travel was horrible, but we were glad to be away from NJ. Only to come home to a snow bound street followed by three of us with a stomach flu. UGH, what a week ! Then on Tuesday feb. 16th while recuperating on the coach from illness, Michalina calls and has travel dates !! Now I have to move my limp body and get travel visas and airline arrangements together, while trying to hold down the pedilylte that has been my sustenance for 24 hours.
So we are leaving Feb 26th and returning on the 7th of March. We had to extend our trip a few days because of no availability on the 4,5,or 6th out of Ekaterinburg. We are however able to fly out of Philly rather than JFK, which we like immensely ! Although we must endure a 14 hour outbound layover in Frankfurt. Oh well, take a ride and see the city and grab a German bite.
We meet our boys on Monday March 1st after being picked up by Olga and Crew in region and a quick trip to the Minister of Education first.
So, this is the moment of truth. Dr. Oleg Togoyev will meet us in Ekat on the 1st to examine the boys and then we will take it from there. Hopefully all is well. We are loaded with some crayons, candies for the kids, cheerios, developmental toys and the SKYPE on our laptop for cheap phone calls back to the states.
A four month wait for trip one will probably harden us to the region of Ekaterinburg and how they operate....slowlyyyyyyy. From here, we see where we go.
So we will update from Russia ! Until then, thank you for all your support to my friends and family !!

The Rollar Coaster Ride of Adoption

Good Morning ! There are so many new updates in just a few days and I am happy to report that these are happy updates. Our Agency Facilitator Michalina and our Ekaterinburg contact Olga, have worked furiously to get answers and they finally did. Apparently the region of Ekat jumped the gun a little bit and they issued these referrals before the children had cleared their national database for international adoption. ( I guess the loved us...yeah right !) . What happens is that children are relinquished from their birth mothers and enter into a national database in Russia. While they are there it works almost similar to our domestic adoption situation from the foster care system. They must remain there for at least 8 months before they can clear the database and then be made available to other countries for adoption. We received our referral when our boys were 11 months old and sometimes it takes a little bit for the Dept. Of Ed. to get on the ball and clear the database. They move like a typical bureaucracy, at the speed of a thundering herd of turtles. So, after prodding and maybe even threats (just kidding) by Olga in country , we find out yesterday that this was the case and that the boys ARE clearing the database this week and are still available for us to adopt ! Olga even personally WENT to the orphanage and confirmed the boys were there, who then added how adorable they were. (as if I thought they wouldn't be :)) ---
So, Since we are going to away Feb 6-13Th we cannot travel or get our Visas until we return and Michalina will get our passports when we get back and immediately get us our visa to travel for trip one ! We are estimating end of Feb or 1st week of March. --Yeah, cause its only minus 25 in Ekat right now and we will have a nice Caribbean tan !
So, I offer one piece of advice to all--research your agency, feel comfortable with them at all times, and put your faith that they will come through eventually. The road to international adoption is not for the light heartened or weak and it takes a strong will and determination to get through it in one piece.
My friends and family have been ultra supportive and I thank all of you for that. Your words, emails and caring have helped us through this and I know that will make it so much sweeter when we come home with our children.
My cousin Joe told me that my footprints poem was his mother's favorite poem. So maybe what happened over the last few days was intervention from Aunt Mary and Marylou who are a little bit tired of Sandy getting beat up down here and they said...NO MORE ! It's a great thought and I say thank you to them for if they did intervene on a higher level, it is appreciated and needed !

Well, now that the initial feelings of receiving a referral have all re-surfaced. The delay was subsiding the excitement and even turned to scepticism at times, but now the smile is back and we shall hope that it stays there for a while.

So until I receive more updates, Thank you !! and I will keep everyone posted with more results and this note " THERE ARE NO GREAT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, ONLY GREAT CHALLENGES WHICH ORDINARY PEOPLE RISE TO MEET. "

And the Other Shoe Drops.....

So I spoke to my agency yesterday, after they received my desperate email of "What is going on..??" We are now quickly approaching three (3) months since referral and still no travel dates for trip one. I was frustrated, sleepless, anxious and frankly...worried. Something just didn't feel right. So when Michalina called Joe and I around 5pm, we had our feelings confirmed. She said she also felt that something was not right and that this delay was not characteristic of Ekaterinburg. If this was a few other regions, it would not be worrying her, but this was indeed raising a red flag for her. She had been on the phone with our contact in Ekat for weeks now and was growing as anxious and upset as we were. She reiterated to them that this is people's emotions we are dealing with, and I was happy to see that she clearly understood how we were feeling. Ekat Min. of Ed was just blowing off our facilitator in Ekat and there was something going on. Our agency and I for that matter, believed that these children may not be available any longer and that they were dragging us on with a delay. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Although Joe and I were ecstatic and cautiously optimistic, we never allowed ourselves to fall in love too much, knowing that the other shoe could drop at any time in the adoption process. All the books and education tell you not to get attached until you are on the plane home with child and visa in hand.
I felt glad that I was not imagining things or being overly cautious, but given my experiences and history...I always wait for the shoe....! So, here we are, maybe back to step one of waiting for our referral. Michalina will speak to Ekat today and frankly, we are both nervous about giving an ultimatum because it could mean more money spent and then a failure in the long run. We have agreed to refuse the referral and move on to another region. Yes it is heart breaking, but also a little bit of a relief as well. The miracle of twins may not have been destined for us, and I probably should have known it was too good to be true. As long as those boys were adopted by a loving caring family, that's what matters, Not that they are coming home with me. I just want to find peace in knowing that they are cared for and not sitting in an orphanage waiting for parents. So, we wait for more updates...a few tears will be shed again, but that's the process I suppose. Joe and I have never faltered in our agreements on any issue and I believe that has made us strong through this whole process. We have tried to keep our emotions out of this decision early on, hard, but necessary for survival. I am glad we have an agency that is understanding, and I can imagine how difficult it was for her to tell us that she had red flag feelings. You never know how PAPs will respond to that. Some blame the agency, some get emotional and end the process, but not Joe and I. For us, it's just another mountain that we climb together and it makes our relationship that much stronger and it will make the end result that much sweeter when it arrives. So, I will leave you all with this last note...."It's not what happens to you that's important, It's what you do about it that counts."

Still Waiting..............

Yes here we are, Happy New Year...right? January 6th and still no word on travel. The twins turned 12 months old already and I haven't even met them. Monday will be two months since we received our referral and the infamous words "We need an answer quickly....". I think this is done just so the PAPs (Potential Adoptive Parents) can get emotion into an already tremendously emotional event. Then to be told "you'll be travelling a few weeks, days....and now ...who knows."
Agencies will always tell you the same thing. "we're working on it." "we're talking to Russia." but the reality is that we don't really know what is happening. PAPs are left in dark to handle their emotions and just wait.
If the wait is this long to MEET the kids, I can only imagine what step two will be like. This part is the frustration of not knowing, not being able to plan, not being able to dream or even talk about what your future might be. It's very frustrating and you feel alone and empty and almost ready to bite off the head of another person that asks "When are you getting your kids??"
It isn't anyone's fault. People care, they ask, they are genuinely concerned and they have no idea what your insides are doing.
As PAPs you feel that someone forgot you and you are left with still nothing. Its heart wrenching. Then let us not forget those who try to "fix" the situation by giving you other options; "so and so was done in 3 months....so and so got their kids from Guatemala, why don't you go there...so and so got their kids from this agency in 6 months..." AHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I know, they are just trying to help, but a small word of advice, this is not the way to help PAPs cope. Just be supportive and offer a hug, not an alternative adoption plan. PAPs that are at this stage of the game have already done months of research, planning and spending BEFORE they got to the referral stage, so changing horses mid race is NOT an option.
And so , we are in the New Year 2010, waiting for who knows how much longer.