A Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and lonliness

There are so many things to be thankful for in my life; my husband, my friends and family, a stable home, but still the loneliness is overwhelming.  I miss by kids terribly.  I know I'm not alone on this journey and know so many have travelled here before me but it's still the loneliest road in the world.

You think at night and pretend you're telling off the judge.  Oh boy the things I said I said ! The contempt you feel for a people distraught with pride and prejudice towards Adopting Parents. Why would anyone hurt a child like this?  Why would any caring country or individual make a family suffer? 

You ask these questions over and over. But on Thanksgiving Day I was still thankful.  Thankful for the wonderful friends and family I had around me. A support system that no country could take away no matter what.

So many Thanksgivings have passed.  Most empty, with no noise of children fighting over the hors d'oeuvres, or telling you that they want snacks instead of turkey.   But I am hoping and praying that soon that will end.  That the noise of toddlers and bickering siblings fills my house like the turkey and dressings fill our table.

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful.  Thankful for the opportunity to love two boys and teach them what this holiday is all about.  Thankful that God gives me the ability to help others and mostly the balance to go ahead and do it as well.  

To have a huge dinner on Thanksgiving and not know what it means to be there is lonely. To show contempt towards others, blood or water; breeds this loneliness. To not understand that peace within ourselves comes from giving Peace to others.  To know that in helping others, we help ourselves in so many ways.  To know that sometimes honesty is in what we do, not in what we say. 

Thanksgiving comes every year, but the gratitude that we show must be shown everyday.  I am still thankful for every heartbreaking moment of wait...because without the wait, I may not appreciate the gift I am receiving.  Every thing worth having has its sacrifice, but the gift that you're receiving is worth so much more than the price.

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally “count our blessings,” give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.” — Shakti Gawain

Happy Thanksgiving.  and happy monthday to Jack and Noah who are 23 months old today !

DHL and I have an ongoing affair.........

Monday Nov 15, 2010 - I gather all the completed and finalized apostilled documents that I received - all the redo docs that is - and went off to another visit to DHL. The wonderful people at POSTNET, where I send all my DHL from, keep asking when the boys are coming.  HA ! I wish I knew that one !
Olga sends emails asking " Where are the documents ?!".... Do they understand that here in America we don't have one person in an office with a stamp that does all this stuff?  I think two weeks to redo 13 documents with apostilles and all is pretty damn good ! Especially since I was in Disney one of those weeks. (Don't worry, I had already sent everything out before I left.).  The BEST gift we could have received was our updated 171H in the mail ! YEAH !!  Just in the nick of time.  And it gets better; apparently when they corrected our mispelled name on the form, they extended the expiration to 8/28/2011 (instead of the 02/28/2011).  Not sure if it was a typo or what, but I emailed NBC.ADOPTIONS, who helps with all the USCIS stuff, and they said "If the office changed it, in this case Newark, then we cannot chage it back and the extension is valid."    OK- NO arguement here !! As long as I know its ok then I will not argue. Its about time a bureaocrat did something right for us this time !!

So now I wait. It cracks me up how they beg and plead for you to send the paperwork and then the courts take their sweet old time in giving a court date !  I PRAY that we get to court before Dec 25, even if Christmas day is spent with the ridiculous judge !

Just to cover my A%^ though, I am doing another set of medicals.  The ones in Russia Expire Dec 1 and I do not want to be caught with my pants down ! They are on their way to the ABMS as we speak.
Fingers crossed that all goes well from here and we get our boys really soon.

Thank you to all the supportive parents that have helped us through this, we are rounding third and on our way home !

A much needed vacation.......

After the initial excitement and tears of happiness for a court date, they were quickly shut down by Russia requesting more re-do documents.  So much for "unprecedented" !  The list came as long as my arm and some of the documents were already in Russia 2 times.... now I was angry. Why were these documents being lost? Where are they? Don't they know how much time and money we spend on these things. 
I have to say, I am not happy with the overall follow up of the Russian side of this adoption. Either they are over worked or unorganized; either way, my children and I pay the ultimate price both emotionally and financially.
We were 2 days away from a much needed trip to Disney. We had planned this over a year ago with the hopes that we would have our children home and take them to Disney for Halloween; well that wasn't happening.  So I did what paperwork I could from here before we left for Florida and I packed up my laptop, printer and entire dossier of paperwork to take with me to Orlando.  What a vacation huh??!!

Meanwhile the clock ticks and my children wait.  So we spend the week in Disney, documents come and go while we are away. We call the FBI to check on our fingerprints which were not due to arrive until the second week of December....NO, That cannot happen.  I put Joe on this one.  He spoke very nicely to the woman Julie from the FBI and asked if it were possible to extend a "professional courtesy" to him as a Sheriff Officer and get our prints in by Nov 5.   We knew we were asking a lot but we prayed. Sure enough, Julie got right on it the very NEXT day and our new FBI prints were waiting in the mail !! WHEW !!

Then there was the issue with Immigration. We needed updated print for INS and a new 171H form. After futile attempts with NBC Adoptions and INS, we went to see Congressman LoBiondo.  His aide, Marie Abbott got on it and kept in contact with us while on our way down to Florida.  We were in Jacksonville FL on our pit stop and my phone rang; it was Marie Abbott telling us she got us an appointment with INS to get fingerprinted on the day we get back ! Nov 8 !! YEAH MARIE AND CONGRESSMAN LOBIONDO !!

So far the stars were aligning and I was tired and beat......on to Disney to imagine our cares away and pretend our boys were with us to celebrate Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party.

We came home Saturday Nov 6 and I quickly organized all the documents that were waiting for us and scanned them into the computer, waiting for Russia to OK them before we send them.  They move slowly sometimes !  Don't they know how damn important this is !!

Monday Nov 8th, 8am we get into the car to drive to NE Philadelphia for INS fingerprinting , again.  I remember 18 months ago receiving our 171H in the mail and thinking to myself "We will never have to redo these fingerprints, we have 18 long months!" HA ! Boy was I wrong ! Little did I know what entering into Ekat was !
So we stroll into INS and there is NO ONE waiting there. I mean the place is EMPTY except for the 5 employees.  We stroll right up to the counter and I have my INS appointment sheet that say NOV 24 900am on them and my letter from Congressman LoBiondo saying that I can come anytime and any day ! I was ready.   I saw good morning and prepare to give the man the paperwork, our passports and the letter and he says" I don't need that, I don't even look at the dates. "   WHAT !!!!! REALLLY !!!!
Do YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO GET THIS DATE !!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
This was really a charlie brown moment.  I looked at him and said " NO, you WILL look at this paper, because I want to feel that all those tears and stress were NOT in vain !!" 
He laughed and literally, 15 minutes later, we were fingerprinted and out of INS. !  AHHHHHHHHH!
and AHHHHHHHHHHHH again.

So, Again, more documents will make their way to Russia.  Another medical will have to be done again in 2 weeks, and here we wait. I am not happy, this is not how it should be.  We are in order, our papers were perfect and this is when I start to get really mad at the agency that I am paying a lot of money to help me get my boys home !
Dec 26, 2010 is their 2nd Birthday. They spent their 1st Birthday without MaMa and PaPa, they WILL NOT spend the 2nd without us ! I am determined !

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown

You have a court date......Maybe

October 25 2010 and my phone rings....."Unknown Number", my hands start to sweat because I think I know who it is.  Could it be??  Yes, Its Michalina from Frank Adoption and she has news. 
I seems the judge has accepted our dossier !  I cried and cried and could not believe it.  She ordered the boys' paperwork to be started and it seemed "unprecedented" as Michalina put it, that the judge wanted NO updates on paperwork.  Really !!???
NO. Michalina calls me about a half hour later and says, sorry I was wrong. Just a few documents need to be updated.
So I rushed home to start my docs. No problems, I got this covered. I have become the document queen !
If all goes well we should travel by the end of Nov and have a court date for 1st week of Dec. 
YES !! I want my boys home by Christmas !
But, I always proceed with caution because that has been my experience.  So right now I do the paperwork and hold my breathe !

Things I am thankful for.....

As I wait for the arrival of my boys during the longest pregnancy on record  [ok- not to you AP out there it isn't !], I read articles and books on bonding, adjusting, etc.  There is a great book called "Twenty things your adopted child would like you to know." Now here is a book for me, a list. I love lists ! I live by them and my husband says it is because I am OCD.  Ok, Maybe I am a little. But lists seem to organize my life and when books give me rules and lists to follow, it makes it very black and white. So I read the book and I must admit that there is not one complete list, darn !  But, it is full of great information.
One of the things that I am very thankful for is that we have a lot of information on the twins' birth mother and family. Many families that adopt internationally never have much or any information at all to share with their children, should the questions ever arise.  We have names, ages, DOB, and cities for all family members. It will be kept hidden away in our safe and someday, should our boys want to find their birth mother or another family member in Russia, I will hand it over. It is their right, it is their past and it is their history.

I was never one who believed in not telling children the truth. Children can handle a lot more than we give them credit for.  Not answering questions about adoption or their past may create questions in their own mind about who they are and where they came from.  I agreed with almost all the points made in the book. It is ok for a child to feel different from you, they are. We all are. Their history is their heritage and they are luck enough to have more than one.

I don't judge their birth mother, but rather I thank her. I would not have this beautiful gift she has given me if not for the decision she made almost 22 months ago.  I do wonder if she thinks about the boys, wonders where they are, how they are or how they are growing.  These are the thoughts that I plan on sharing with my boys someday and I welcome any questions they may have. 

When children are left in the dark, they live in the dark and that's not a friendly place to be.  I don't ever want my boys to feel they were unwanted by their birth mom. They were wanted and that's why she brought them to this world, so we could have two wonderful boys as our only children.  They are extensions of her and will become extensions of us as well.

"A child is a miraculous gift from God, no matter how one receives it. Some are given the ability bear them, others the ability to rear them."
This quote is so true. I felt I was always ready and able to handle motherhood, but for God's reasons I was unable to bear my own children. I would like to assume that His reason was because these boys were waiting for me, somewhere in the future that He could see and I couldn't.  he understood and now I understand. The pain all makes sense to me.

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical."  Nicole Kidman, Adoptive parent
How could we ever appreciate the sunshine if we never had any cold rainy days?  We wonder why pain, suffering and trial come to us. Some more than others.  But if the road was smooth and easy would we really appreciate the finish as much?  The stroll would be nice and sunny and relaxing, so who cares when it ends?!  Sometimes that mountain has to be treachurous in order to really understand the view from the top of it.

"It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other." Joan McNamara, Adoptive parent
I suupose adoption is like a marriage in so many ways.  Much the way I found my wonderful husband Joe after many years of heartache, I also found my boys.  "God Bless the Broken Road that led me straight to you. "

Again, I am thankful. Thankful to my family for their support, thankful to the orphange for taking care of my boys while I am away, thankful for all the coordinators that work hard to bring families together and most of all; thankful for a very difficult decision Pasha and Sasha's birth mother made.
"If you love some one unconditionally and with your whole heart, than you will do what is best for them not you. I have never learned a harder lesson than giving my child up for adoption and I probably never will." Anonymous Birth Mother

This is one of my absolute favorite pictures.  Taken by Richard and Carol De Grace on their trip in July

and it depicts Jack & Noah's personalities so much.   Noah, the active, climbing, clapping boy and Jack the

ever studious and lap lover.

Another Stressful Week

It seems that the document that I have repeatedly tried to obtain from the Board of Social Workers arrived a few weeks ago.  You will remember my post about being a pain in the @%#.  Well, I quickly scanned it and then sent it off to be Apostilled and then sent it off to Russia, another $101.95.
Olga send me an email Thursday 10/1, the License number was whited out and written over and the date the notary commission expires was written over by hand. REALLY !!!!
I quickly looked at the copy that I scanned into my computer, she was right ! 
I wrote a nasty gram on Friday 10/2 to the Director at the Board of Social Workers and told him that he not only cost me another week, but $40 in Apostilled and UPS and $102 in a DHL to Russia.  I could not believe that a licensed professional agency would white out a legal document and hand write over a notary expiration date !
Luckily, I quickly get a repsonse from the Director apologizing for what has happened and getting right on another notarized copy.  He did just that and sent it Saturday Delivery (which was nice of him).  THe only problem is that I still had to get an Apostille because he used a different notary in his office !  UGH ! So much for saving another $40.   So here I wait for the document, again, this document has been received 5 times now !  I will send it off to Olga, AGAIN, and wait, AGAIN !!

On a good note, I did get an awesome Dutalier Rocker Glider for the boys' room.  Comfy !