A visit with the past....

August 25-27th what an eventful week.  Our boys turned 20 months old in Ekaterinburg on August 26th, and Joe turned 45 on August 28th !  Happy Birthday Joe !
Beth Hurley and Mattie and Jake visited for a few days and we had an absolut blast.  It was wonderful to meet Mattie, Beth's son she adopted from China 3 years ago. He is full of smarts and cuteness.  He was deputized by Steve Cardi the K9 Office from the Sheriff's Department.  They got to meet Tess, the narcotics Chocolate Lab and Officer Steve gave Mattie and Jake badges.  Mattie wore his every minute of every day !  and what can we say about Jake.... What a character !  Jake was being adopted in March by Beth while Joe and I were visiting and meeting our boys.  We met at the Park Inn; what a story to tell people, " where did you meet?".... " Russia".  
Jake has been home about 5 months now from the same baby home that Jack and Noah are in.  He will be three in September and he is doing great.  You can see how much he loves life and his new home and family in the USA.   Jake fell in love with my dogs, Beau and Tara, but BoBo (as Jake calls him) is always special to kids.  He loves kids and kids love him !  He is 115 lbs of pure black lab love. 
We went to the beach and the pool and the boardwalk...what a sensory overload!  It was again bittersweet as I watched Jake laughing and playing and having such a great time, I mentally cursed out the judge in Russia and wanted to grab her and say "why are you making this take so long !! look how much fun these kids are having you B !!"    It was a good release to do that in my head. 
When you see how much these children enjoy life, it is sad to think about your own children waiting for you to pick them up and bring them to a life that a child should have.  One where they can play, fall, get loved, experience life outside of four walls and a metal fence.
Beth and Joe and I developed a new name for cursing around children...whenever someone is difficult, irrartional, stubborn, or just a plain a**hole; we say "what a Russian Judge you are !"  HA !  It was great !
What a release !
Beth, Mattie, and Jake had dinner with us at Luna, our family restaurant.  My cousins came to join us with my parents as well. It was Maria, Randy and their two children Ally and Jack.  Jack and Mattie had a blast ! Jack is 8 years old and he is great with kids and adults of all ages.  What a great character.  Ally, who is 11 going on 18, also had a blast while cousin Sandy let her behind the bar to mix drinks. All those years of private school and I teach her to bartend !
Jake especially loved the Moscato Sweet Dessert Wine we had after dinner. He helped his mom Beth lick that glass clean.  Of course, we got pictures of it and we considered sending those to the judge in Russia ! haha !
Well, all in all, it was a great week.  I start school again on  Monday to keep my mind busy while we wait for a court date.  I miss Jack and Noah very much and I get angry when I think about all the things that we could be doing together right now.  The trip to Disney in October that I planned over a year ago, will be postponed.  We planned it thinking we would certainly have the boys by Oct 2010. HA ! Should have known better !
Some day, when this is all over I will self publish a little book about the reality of Russian Adoption from Ekaterinburg.  There are a lot of books out there, none are region specific (which they should be) and none that I read really tell you the reality of how ridiculous some of this is. 
 1) Why do we need to go to Moscow when there is an American Embassy in Yekateriburg?!
 2) Even the FBI Customer Service Agent I spoke to thought the re-do of fingerprints every 3 months is absurd
 3) There are still people being paid off in Russia...no matter what any agency tells you !
 4) NONE of this is about the kids....it is ALL about the Russians and their pride.

I want my boys to appreciate their homeland and know about it and know their heritage, but I also want them to know the good and the bad. I am not one who sugar coats anything.  What they do to adoptive parents in this region is borderline criminal.

Beth and I compared people at home and the general ignorance about international vs domestic adoption.  There needs to be more publicity on how adoptions work. People just don't understand the procedures and how every region and country is so vastly different.  These processes need to be more transparent. 
No country is better or worse, no region is better or worse, they are all just VERY DIFFERENT; and this is something that I was not educated on when entering into the realm of international adoption.
Yes, I read the books...but they don't tell you how vastly different the lies that are printed are.  For instance; telling parents the average wait for Ekaterinburg is 6-8 months.....REALLY !  I ahve not met one adoptive parent yet that did an Ekat adoption in 6-8 months. Believe me I am like a speed demon with paperwork, but you are still helpless at the whim of the courts and the translators.

Someday soon,  Joe and I will have our family complete.  In the meantime, we trudge through the hurdles the Russian system places before us. We listen to the vague stories the agency associates tell families that are waiting for court, and we redo documents over and over again, mounting the expense for nothing.

Jack and Noah....we will be there soon.  Mama and Papa love you !
    

More Pictures and more anticipation....

Carol and Richard passed court on July 21, 2010 and they are now officially adopting their beautiful Son, Cole, and daughter Shannon. God Bless them.  I spoke to Richard briefly after their return trip home, and they graciously volunteered to take some documents to Olga for me the following Saturday, when they pick up their children.  Thanks ! Every few dollars of savings helps in this chaos. 

Richard said court was brutal, three hours of interrogations that left them feeling like they were bad parents and bad people. The female judge is every bit and worse of what they say she is.  Her disdain for Americans is very apparent, and her disdain for working women is even more apparent.

                                                                      

So here is Noah (Sasha) going for a walk in JULY, wearing a hat and sweaters. You gotta love these heat crazed people !

I try to breathe and anticipate what questions she might ask us, but its futile. I know that whatever I prepare for, she will throw a curve ball at us.

Ok..I am really going to try not to bring these photos out when my boys are 15 years old. Take a close look at Noah on the right....Do you see the Bumble from Rudolph??  Pink bonnets on Jack...hold on kids, mommy's coming !!!

Jack and Noah, actually looking like little boys, playing outdoors in shorts !!  This si a great play area. When Joe and I were there it was covered in a lot of snow !

Jack looking all serious !

Gotta Love a bonnet on a little boy in July !

Noah Laughing ...but still wearing floral jumpers.
Ah, oh well. I love this culture !

Richard and Carol DeGrace with Cole and Shannon

A Bitter Sweet Day in July

Friday July 16th appeared to be like any other ordinary day.  I would soon discover tears of Joy and heartache streaming down my face.  To begin, we had waited over 4 weeks for an updated Social Worker Certification license from the NJ Board of Social Work Examiners.  Since Golden Cradle requested thisI sent repeated emails to Monica who had Brenda Freed Mazel (the CSW) call to no avail.  The voice mail box was full, is what she kept saying.  Well, you know how that old saying goes " you want something done....". I got on my trusty computer (it hasn't let me down thus far!) and I look on the Div. of Consumer Affairs website for NJ and found the Directot J. Michael Walker and his email address for the Board of Social Work Examiners.  I sent him an email on Wednesday July 14.  Thursday I heard back from the automated email that I would get a response in 24 hours.  Well, I got a response and Michael was right on it.  I explained to him what happened with the notary on the first copy and that Russia would not accept it unless he notarized it. He quickly had a secretary call me, verify my address, sign it, seal it and notarize it and mail it to me on Friday the 16th.  Wheh !!!  The last paperwork hurdle over for now. Once that arrives I can apostille it and sent the last 3 documents to Ekat.  My paperwork was still being translated the last time I spoke to Olga, so hopefully we are well on our way. I pray !

The Bitter Sweet part was receiving an email Friday morning from Richard and Carol DeGrace of Cherry Hill, NJ.  They also are working with Frank Adoption and they have waited a grueling 13 months for their court date for their Boy and Girl, Cole and Victoria.  They are the ones that forwarned us about the space in the last name, since they already climbed the hurdle with DeGrace.  When they noticed LaMonaca and DiEduardo, they quickly warned us to make sure all of our paperwork had the space or no space, but as long as it matched the passports.  This, I am certain, saved us a tremendous amount of time and I could never thank them enough.

Carol DeGrace, My Boys and Her Daugther

Carol DeGrace & My Boys

My Big Boy Noah Walking !!

My Lap Lover Jack with his Care Taker

They asked at the orphanage if they could see my boys, and since they were also working with Frank Adoption, they brought them in for 5 minutes to allow them to send us some pictures.  WOW ! I cried like the day I left them when I saw those photos. How big they got, and to see them walking without Mama and Daddy's hands was also Bitter Sweet.

The boys are still holding onto one another.  Noah always reaching out a hand to make sure Jack is beside him.   It was such a wonderful day to see those pictures and to see how much they have grown.

That room brings back so many joyous memories, and those few photos will get me through another few months. 

That Friday was one of the best I have had so far in the waiting.  Thank you to all those wonderful parents our there who know what it is to wait and help us all get through it during these trying times.

As Jesus said in FootPrints..."It was then that I carried you..."

God Bless you Richard and Carol and your wonderful new family.

Best of Luck to you in court on July 21, 2010...I know it will be a wonderful day !!!

Entering the Fourth of July Celebration Weekend......

Well here we are entering the celebration weekend of the summer at the beach in Wildwood.  A second round of re-done docs was sent to Ekat last Friday.  The waiting game continues and now my hopes of travelling in the Fall quickly fade to..."please before Christmas".  The cruelty of the waiting game is very distressing, but I try to occupy my time and much of it is occupied with changing documents. 
The boys' room is ready to go, all the finishing touches in place, except my kids.
Every week I read another story in the paper about Russia that stops my breathe in anticipation...spys, nukes, orphans, relations, etc. --Why can't we just get along, the Cold War IS OVER people.

Just another manic monday.....

A mere week after posting last.  Our package has safely arrived in the hands of Olga in Ekat.  We envision that the quest for court will soon be on its way. Ahhhh, let us not speak to soon !

Paperwork already needs to be re-done before it even hits the judge's court room desk.  8 Doctor Medicals expire on June 18, so they have to be redone before submitting anything to court.  I think this is where I start to break down and hate the judge for her narcissistic and  petty idiosyncrasies.  Now a normal person would ask, "why can't we submit the package, while the new medicals are on the way?"  Would make sense that in the interim of the DHL Mail that one would not contract cancer or leprosy?  But alas, its not that easy children; the 8 doctor medicals are one of 6 documents that need to be changed after only one week.  All minor things really, silly things in retrospect; but enough to make you scream out loud....and I did.

My favorite of the changes is the copies of our passports now have to be certified by the adoption agency
and we cannot certify they are true and accurate copies any more.  Funny; you mean the same damn passports that we used to visit your country 4 months ago and the same damn passports that your country issued us visitor visas on?!  You mean you want to make sure those passports are real.  Really?!

It sickens me to think that my boys are sitting in a playpen with little interaction with anyone but each other and the occasional caretaker while this judge plays puppeteer with their futures.  Yes, I am angry this time and I did have a little breakdown on Monday and Tuesday.  I know this too shall pass, but sometimes it just really gets to you and you experience office rage (poor desk chair, I am sorry).

There are also times through this process that a few wonderful people stand out.  Those in the bureaucracy that somehow make the path a little smoother and easier for those of us on this journey.  With the ABMS (American Board of Medical Specialties) we need to get certified copies of all 8 doctor's medical specialty certifications and these need to be notarized and apostilled in Illinois, where the ABMS is.  This sounds like it would be one of the most complicated procedures of them all, but sometimes there is a caring soul in these offices.  Katie Sroka, the marketing person that I dealt with for the first round of paperwork and just this week for the second round of medicals; was one of the most pleasant, sweet, efficient, and fast individuals I have had to deal with during this process.  In 24 hours she had my documents emailed to me and sent to the courier to apostille, and she always has kind words to say to me in her emails.  It really makes you feel like there is a human somewhere on the other end of all this paperwork, sometimes.

Some new apostilles, new medicals,  new license verifications (because NJ screwed up), new pension retirement letters....the list begins.

I know this is all worth it in the end. I know to keep my eye on the prize.  I know to just breathe and send the paperwork with a smile.  But what is really making me smile right now is a picture of our four butts with the words UNITED STATES OF AMERICA scrawled on the back; via DHL to our judge.
OK, wishful thinking thinking and I'm NOT gonna do it, but a girl can dream can't she??


“Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope.”

DHL ON ITS WAY !!

Friday June 4, 2010 we took our perfectly manicured and sheet protected binder full of documents to DHL for shipping to Russia sans fingerprints and one Florida document (which we would send along later.)  $187 and 3 lbs of paperwork, yes 3 lbs of paperwork.  Laura and Beth know what I'm talking about, some others can only begin to comprehend !  I spent one full day scanning EVERY document and apostille into my computer, placed them on an external hard drive and on a portable flash drive, and made hard copies for Frank Adoption and for my records.  Think I'm being a little over protective?!  I even told the poor guy at DHL that if anything happened to that package I would personally come back and find him and dispose of his body forever !  Ok, maybe that was harsh, but I said it with a smile.  I then sent the DHL tracking number to Olga and Michalina for reference.
We come home from the shipping and guess what is in the mail waiting for us? Yep, FBI Fingerprint Clearances.  Really?!  It isn't such a bad thing anyway because we were still waiting for the Florida Apostille on the timeshare (wish the darn accountant had taken that one out !), then the FBI prints need to be Apostilled as well.   Them, we need to attach a letter from the Sheriff's Dept as to WHY they could not get spaces in our last names..yes, we are back to this space thing again.  Luckily, we have connections at the Sheriff's Dept. ! :)
So, to top it off our medicals expire on June 18, 2010... A very significant date in our lives. First it is my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary (God 50 years and neither of them killed eachother), secondly, it is the DAY our dossier was submitted to Russia last year.  Weird coincidence?  But, we were already prepared for the expiration and have everything set up for the second round of medicals.  Luckily the FBI prints don't expire until August, but we have a few other things that need to be redone as well in the meantime.
I figured if I had to start redoing docs I may as well start early, right?!
Pasha and Sasha wait as mom and dad round the hurdles and over the bends.  We are travelling where so many strong, brave and wonderful adoptive parents have travelled before us, and we know it can be done !
Thank you to those of you that have made the path a little less daunting!

The Final Days??

So this is where the pressure of the final days of document preparation really starts to get to you.  I have now sent our Florida Timeshare deed back to the Orange County Comptroller 3x with minor things that needed correction.  Even though they were asked to please email or call me with any problems; no they chose to use my $26 return prepaid airbill (twice) to send all the documents back to me so that I could write a new check, because I overpaid them by $2.70.  WOW !  I often wonder if when they [State Govt] interview people for government [public sector] jobs, is a prerequisite that you have absolutely no common sense, humanity, compassion, or concern for fiscal expenditures; or is it that they work to train these official drones until they become mindless government weebles?

Yes, now I do feel better having gotten that off my chest, but in the world of paperwork-here we still are.  So very close to the final package going to Olga in Ekat, but not quite there yet.   Fingerprints were sent on March 17, 2010 and still no reply.  My credit card was charged the $36 in May, so maybe that means the turtle is nearing the finish line.  Everything is back from NJ with an Apostille on it, and I patiently make copies of each document and each apostille for my files and Frank Adoption files as well. 

Wednesday  May 26th , my boys turned 17 months old.  3 months older than when I met them.  I wonder what they are up to?  Are they talking more, walking unassisted, eating different foods?  Everytime I walk past their empty bedroom, my heart quietly breaks.

What I thought was pretty quick on our part with paperwork, turned out to be the wait for other "officials" to get papers back to us.  So, I think this week I will send everything off.  Double check my documents again and send them to Olga.  I am sure I will get a redo list anyway, so why quibble over the small stuff right now.

In Wildwood, NJ now, most of the foreigners are here for the summer. Russians, Bulgarians, Ukrainians etc.  Many work for my family and many come into our restaurant and bar.  They very nicely ask about the boys and "tsk" dramatically when we tell them about the paperwork.  It's funny, because the Russians are the most appalled at the kind of paperwork we need to complete.  Many have said "Tell them to give you those children and get them out of those orphanages!"   Oh, if only I can take you with me to tell the judge that in Russian !
We have a great relationship with the Europeans where we live.  They are hard working, fun, and pretty easy going for the most part; but that's probably because they are young.  In their 20's and 30's and here to work or learn.  I think the bureaucracy is learned and taught after age 40 in any country, including the USA.  The Russian Students ask me about the family of the children; do I know them, will they know them?  I think they seem very encouraged that I have information on the mother and brothers of Sasha and Pasha, and someday when they need it or want it- I have it for them.   I think it would be good for them to know their heritage and share the beauty of America with others.

This week I will send off that package via DHL to Olga; and whatever is missing can follow. I feel like I would have at least accomplished something if its on its way to Russia by June.  Sometimes I actually think the agencies delay things on purpose (not sure why).  I was asked to change and add to several documents several times. I couldn't understand why that wasn't told in the beginnning when the document was obtained? 

I do know one thing; when this process is over and I have those boys with me to love and to raise, they will always know their heritage, they will always know where they came from,  and they will never know how this paperwork and wait time has mentally defeated me.  I will never regret the road to them, no matter how unpaved and steep it may be; but as far as they have to know, the ride was nothing more than a summer carriage in central park; maybe with a few pigeon poohs on the way !

Spero di vederti presto bambini !!