The Children's Place is really the parent's place.

With the final document en route to Russia and just the anticipatory wait for a court date, i did what any other nesting woman would do; I went shopping.  Firstly, retail therapy is grossly underrated, it cures so many ailments other than depression.  Think about it, you walk from store to store (exercise), you count money (brain exercise), you put multiple bags into your car (weight lifting), you encounter sales associates, ask for help and talk to strangers (social activity), and I did not even get to the endorphins that are released from the purchase itself !  Hey, whatever justifies it in my mind is of itself....justified !

We went into Pampolina, a European children's store with select boutiques here in the states. I look around the store I once loved and asked "where are the boys clothes? " the sales girl, dressed in an outfit that probably fit her 3 years ago, responds "Pampolina discontinued its boys' line here in the US, there was not enough of a demand for it here."   WHAT !!  REALLY !!!  The clothes were stylish, well made, trendy and adorable  and they discontinued them !!  But of course the store was filled with the usual multitude of colors of girls' ensembles.  So I dejectedly sifted through the 70% off racks and found a few items for Allyson for Christmas (Kathlyn's daughter), and although I was tempted to buy something for Gioia, my niece, I re-thought the purchase and did not. (It's a sad dad when an aunt can't spoil her only niece).

After Angie made several purchases for her granddaughter in the "girls only" store, we made our way to "Heartstrings"...finally a boy's section as large as the girl's section.  As I looked at the adorable clothing all marked with 25%, 40% and 70% off tags, my excitement quickly turned to dismay when I started reading the price tags and the discount charts; after the sale the small sweaters, t shirts, pants and vests would range from $24-$48...ON SALE !    Ok, I am by far NOT a cheap person, but REALLY??!!
I don't pay $48 for a sweater for me if its a designer, why would I pay that for a tint little sweater, a quarter the material used in my sweater, with a tag that states MADE IN PERU (doubt they have strong unions there).   I couldn't do it....I wanted it, it was cute, but ever moral fiber in my being said "you ARE NOT paying that kind of money for children's clothes."    I looked around the store at the usual lineups of yuppie parents browsing the racks like they were at KMart.  One little boy laughed and clapped as I made silly faces at him, he was obviously bored with the whole shopping expedition his "too old to have children" tired looking mother took him on. Her mouth pursed and soured when the child made bored sounds and fussed and she shot me looks of disdain when I made him laugh.  Sorry lady, didn't realize you were a miserable B, no wonder the kids' crying !

So I made the small obligatory purchase in the store and grew depressed that I could not get my boys some decent clothes without re-mortgaging the house.  Then we went to the next Outlet Center and I found THE CHILDREN"S PLACE.  I remembered shopping here at the mall with Kathlyn and her kids and I remember so many of my friends telling me how great the items and the prices were.  I walked in and it sounded like a choir of angels behind me went " AHHHHHHHHHH"...ok, not I'm exaggerating, but boy was I excited !
A full one half of the store was all boys and the signs and the discounts were REAL!!   After filling my arms to the point of hurting, I found a mesh bag to deposit my purchases in and continued looking for more things to add to the bag.   trying to imagine what will fit and what will not fit is hard when you haven't seen your kids in 8 months and the last pictures were 3 months ago.  I hoped that cinch able waistbands and a sewing kit would get me through the few weeks in Russia.  T-shirts, sweaters, socks, wind pants, sneakers, more shirts....you name it !  I get to counter and as the discounts mount, the woman says "if you apply for a card you get an additional 30% off."  ....My usual response to the credit card request is a quick NO, but I stopped and looked at her and said "Did you say 30% off".... "Yes Ma am.".......Well my momma didn't raise no fool and even I know that 30% IS a way to get more people to get your store credit card. The obligatory 10% just is not cutting it for experienced shoppers like me anymore! 
So when all was said and done and the card was approved my enormous bags of clothing for the boys came out to $116 total !! WOW !!   That yuppie store would have given me a sweater and pants for that money. 
So it is official...Been there, Shopped it, and I have the Credit card...The Children's Place is AWESOME !
We love Sales, we love deals and I have completed my therapy for the day.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money? ~Rita Rudner

It pays to be a pain in the *@$

I mailed the request for the LCSW Verification letter on August 30, 2010.  The one that we received in June was expiring on August 30, 2010 and we needed a new one. I remembered that it took 5 weeks to get the last one and I believe someone at the ever efficient NJ Office of the Attorney General probably lost it, and when I emailed consumer affairs wondering where it was, I got an immediate response from the director.  Poor Guy didn't realize how efficient I was [ he should have me on his team] and I saved his email and his secretary's email.  So after a week I began to email, and email and email again.  Yes it took 3 weeks but I got my document on Sept. 21, ONE DAY after a package just went off to Russia, but at least I got it.
This was the last "official" document we were waiting for in order to present to the courts. PHEW !   Yeah, don't worry, the shoe will drop and there will be 10 more documents to redo !

Then I get an email today from EAC [European Adoption Consultants], an adoption agency whole email list I am on from my searches in 2009.  SERBIA COMPLETES ADOPTION IN ONE TRIP....wow, what a way to slap me in the face !
Yes, Serbia is very similar to Russia, although I have not done any research on the country.  Mind you that all these easier quicker ways to adopt come about AFTER you have met your child and can't wait to get them.  I would not change anything now for the world because they are my boys and I want them home...but for anyone just starting....AVOID RUSSIA if there is an easier way.  They are not getting easier or cheaper, and believe me that I don't look for the path of least resistance; just maybe a road with passable lanes would be nice !
If nothing else I can tell you that the amount of money to redo things is absolutely ludicrous and it would explain why Russians are not the Superpower they are capable of being.  Get the old communists bureaucrats out and let the youth of that country begin to run it and enter the electronic age and watch how fast it would propel itself to a higher standing in the world.
Just in Apostille "RUSH FEES" and UPS I most certainly over $2500. Now I don't mean to bitch about costs so much, because I would not chosen Russia if that was the only factor, but the absurdness of so much of this makes PAPs scratch their heads over and over.

But on a lighter note, God is aligning the stars for us. Yesterday Our LCSW verification came in the mail, Kathlyn [my best friend travelling to Moscow with us] found her passport after a 2 month search and the doctor cleared me of any problems with my breasts. [ small worry on a mammogram that turned out to be nothing....phew].  So it looks like 9/21 was a good day and hopefully the next few weeks will bring news of travel.

Kathlyn wants to plan a shower for us, but we discussed it and I believe that after we return with the boys would be a better time.  First, we have no idea what size they are now or how much they weigh and Second, a party once we get home will give everyone a chance to meet them as well.  I looks like we are going to stay in Russia and take a short jaunt to Italy during the 2 week waiting period between trip one and two.  It costs $400 to go to Italy or $1200 to come back home......duh ! So we will porbably spend another week with the boys after court, knowing they are 'officially ours', then fly to Rome to meet Kathlyn and Paul for a week.   Kath and Paul will then fly to Moscow and wait for us while we go to Ekat to get the boys.

We are planned, packed [ two new toddler backpacks to help us get Jask and Noah through the airport] a new double stroller at home, courtesy of Auntie Angie, bedroom, clothes, travel stuff, donations....you name it !  Now we just need to be given a court date !


"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children. "

Nelson Mandela

Never Ending Vacation

Just a few more redos of paperwork...yeah right.  The THIRD set of medicals is now being sent to Olga, with new ABMS certs- again, to the tune of $1400, to recertify the same doctor that was certified 3 times already.  The new Golden Cradle License came in the mail-Thank the Lord, because that was holding us up as well.
I asked Olga and Michalina "why is my paperwork still with Olga in Russia and not in the judges' hands?" their response: "everything is translated and ready to go, they are waiting for the judge to return from vacation, which is now said to be this week or so. Then everything gets handed to her assistant, who then hands it to the judge."  They are waiting for some of the New documents from the ones that expired. 
WELL HERE IS A CLUE---If we keep holding ONTO the documents before submitting them, then they are going to CONSTANTLY expire !! Three sets of medicals, three sets of FBI prints, two social worker certificates, two agency licenses, and we didn't even START to do redo financials yet, because you KNOW the judge will ask for that.
I am going to get ONE more set of medicals ready, JUST IN CASE...that's because I know how these people work.  They wonder why they are just barely surviving the fall of communism....HELLO...try a new electronic error !! 
The children of these countries should be allowed to run them, because the old fart beurocrats certainly cannot do a good job with their love of paperwork and the killing of trees !

The Eastern European students that come to my town for the summer are very advance in computers and all sorts of technology, as they should be....its the old left over communists that can't seem to get a grip. Maybe adoptions in Russia will be better in 20 years when these artifacts of the system die off slowly.

More money, more time, and yes...I am getting angrier at the system.   There is NO reason for this other than a power trip from narcissistic communists.  Meanwhile, these children (mine and many others) are sitting in homes not being given the attention and the love that they need to grow.  Yes, Ekat cares for these children more so then other places, but that is no substitute for a home and parents.

When Michalina said to me, : we are hoping to get you a date by the end of Oct, otherwise by early Dec.." I freaked out. I said I am NOT waiting until December !  I will steal them from the orphanage !
December !  Then we get into the holiday crap that they put me through last year.

So, doing my pasperwork fast and getting it to Olga in June....meant nothing !  Don't bother ! because it will NOT be submitted as quick as you submit it to them and you will spend most of your time re-doing it anyway.
 By the time I ssent my paperwork to her , I had to re do my medicals 2 weeks later.

So, maybe someday soon the judge will return from her never ending vacation.  Truth is, you aren't sure if they are on vacation or if its just another delay tactic. 

A visit with the past....

August 25-27th what an eventful week.  Our boys turned 20 months old in Ekaterinburg on August 26th, and Joe turned 45 on August 28th !  Happy Birthday Joe !
Beth Hurley and Mattie and Jake visited for a few days and we had an absolut blast.  It was wonderful to meet Mattie, Beth's son she adopted from China 3 years ago. He is full of smarts and cuteness.  He was deputized by Steve Cardi the K9 Office from the Sheriff's Department.  They got to meet Tess, the narcotics Chocolate Lab and Officer Steve gave Mattie and Jake badges.  Mattie wore his every minute of every day !  and what can we say about Jake.... What a character !  Jake was being adopted in March by Beth while Joe and I were visiting and meeting our boys.  We met at the Park Inn; what a story to tell people, " where did you meet?".... " Russia".  
Jake has been home about 5 months now from the same baby home that Jack and Noah are in.  He will be three in September and he is doing great.  You can see how much he loves life and his new home and family in the USA.   Jake fell in love with my dogs, Beau and Tara, but BoBo (as Jake calls him) is always special to kids.  He loves kids and kids love him !  He is 115 lbs of pure black lab love. 
We went to the beach and the pool and the boardwalk...what a sensory overload!  It was again bittersweet as I watched Jake laughing and playing and having such a great time, I mentally cursed out the judge in Russia and wanted to grab her and say "why are you making this take so long !! look how much fun these kids are having you B !!"    It was a good release to do that in my head. 
When you see how much these children enjoy life, it is sad to think about your own children waiting for you to pick them up and bring them to a life that a child should have.  One where they can play, fall, get loved, experience life outside of four walls and a metal fence.
Beth and Joe and I developed a new name for cursing around children...whenever someone is difficult, irrartional, stubborn, or just a plain a**hole; we say "what a Russian Judge you are !"  HA !  It was great !
What a release !
Beth, Mattie, and Jake had dinner with us at Luna, our family restaurant.  My cousins came to join us with my parents as well. It was Maria, Randy and their two children Ally and Jack.  Jack and Mattie had a blast ! Jack is 8 years old and he is great with kids and adults of all ages.  What a great character.  Ally, who is 11 going on 18, also had a blast while cousin Sandy let her behind the bar to mix drinks. All those years of private school and I teach her to bartend !
Jake especially loved the Moscato Sweet Dessert Wine we had after dinner. He helped his mom Beth lick that glass clean.  Of course, we got pictures of it and we considered sending those to the judge in Russia ! haha !
Well, all in all, it was a great week.  I start school again on  Monday to keep my mind busy while we wait for a court date.  I miss Jack and Noah very much and I get angry when I think about all the things that we could be doing together right now.  The trip to Disney in October that I planned over a year ago, will be postponed.  We planned it thinking we would certainly have the boys by Oct 2010. HA ! Should have known better !
Some day, when this is all over I will self publish a little book about the reality of Russian Adoption from Ekaterinburg.  There are a lot of books out there, none are region specific (which they should be) and none that I read really tell you the reality of how ridiculous some of this is. 
 1) Why do we need to go to Moscow when there is an American Embassy in Yekateriburg?!
 2) Even the FBI Customer Service Agent I spoke to thought the re-do of fingerprints every 3 months is absurd
 3) There are still people being paid off in Russia...no matter what any agency tells you !
 4) NONE of this is about the kids....it is ALL about the Russians and their pride.

I want my boys to appreciate their homeland and know about it and know their heritage, but I also want them to know the good and the bad. I am not one who sugar coats anything.  What they do to adoptive parents in this region is borderline criminal.

Beth and I compared people at home and the general ignorance about international vs domestic adoption.  There needs to be more publicity on how adoptions work. People just don't understand the procedures and how every region and country is so vastly different.  These processes need to be more transparent. 
No country is better or worse, no region is better or worse, they are all just VERY DIFFERENT; and this is something that I was not educated on when entering into the realm of international adoption.
Yes, I read the books...but they don't tell you how vastly different the lies that are printed are.  For instance; telling parents the average wait for Ekaterinburg is 6-8 months.....REALLY !  I ahve not met one adoptive parent yet that did an Ekat adoption in 6-8 months. Believe me I am like a speed demon with paperwork, but you are still helpless at the whim of the courts and the translators.

Someday soon,  Joe and I will have our family complete.  In the meantime, we trudge through the hurdles the Russian system places before us. We listen to the vague stories the agency associates tell families that are waiting for court, and we redo documents over and over again, mounting the expense for nothing.

Jack and Noah....we will be there soon.  Mama and Papa love you !
    

More Pictures and more anticipation....

Carol and Richard passed court on July 21, 2010 and they are now officially adopting their beautiful Son, Cole, and daughter Shannon. God Bless them.  I spoke to Richard briefly after their return trip home, and they graciously volunteered to take some documents to Olga for me the following Saturday, when they pick up their children.  Thanks ! Every few dollars of savings helps in this chaos. 

Richard said court was brutal, three hours of interrogations that left them feeling like they were bad parents and bad people. The female judge is every bit and worse of what they say she is.  Her disdain for Americans is very apparent, and her disdain for working women is even more apparent.

                                                                      

So here is Noah (Sasha) going for a walk in JULY, wearing a hat and sweaters. You gotta love these heat crazed people !

I try to breathe and anticipate what questions she might ask us, but its futile. I know that whatever I prepare for, she will throw a curve ball at us.

Ok..I am really going to try not to bring these photos out when my boys are 15 years old. Take a close look at Noah on the right....Do you see the Bumble from Rudolph??  Pink bonnets on Jack...hold on kids, mommy's coming !!!

Jack and Noah, actually looking like little boys, playing outdoors in shorts !!  This si a great play area. When Joe and I were there it was covered in a lot of snow !

Jack looking all serious !

Gotta Love a bonnet on a little boy in July !

Noah Laughing ...but still wearing floral jumpers.
Ah, oh well. I love this culture !

Richard and Carol DeGrace with Cole and Shannon

A Bitter Sweet Day in July

Friday July 16th appeared to be like any other ordinary day.  I would soon discover tears of Joy and heartache streaming down my face.  To begin, we had waited over 4 weeks for an updated Social Worker Certification license from the NJ Board of Social Work Examiners.  Since Golden Cradle requested thisI sent repeated emails to Monica who had Brenda Freed Mazel (the CSW) call to no avail.  The voice mail box was full, is what she kept saying.  Well, you know how that old saying goes " you want something done....". I got on my trusty computer (it hasn't let me down thus far!) and I look on the Div. of Consumer Affairs website for NJ and found the Directot J. Michael Walker and his email address for the Board of Social Work Examiners.  I sent him an email on Wednesday July 14.  Thursday I heard back from the automated email that I would get a response in 24 hours.  Well, I got a response and Michael was right on it.  I explained to him what happened with the notary on the first copy and that Russia would not accept it unless he notarized it. He quickly had a secretary call me, verify my address, sign it, seal it and notarize it and mail it to me on Friday the 16th.  Wheh !!!  The last paperwork hurdle over for now. Once that arrives I can apostille it and sent the last 3 documents to Ekat.  My paperwork was still being translated the last time I spoke to Olga, so hopefully we are well on our way. I pray !

The Bitter Sweet part was receiving an email Friday morning from Richard and Carol DeGrace of Cherry Hill, NJ.  They also are working with Frank Adoption and they have waited a grueling 13 months for their court date for their Boy and Girl, Cole and Victoria.  They are the ones that forwarned us about the space in the last name, since they already climbed the hurdle with DeGrace.  When they noticed LaMonaca and DiEduardo, they quickly warned us to make sure all of our paperwork had the space or no space, but as long as it matched the passports.  This, I am certain, saved us a tremendous amount of time and I could never thank them enough.

Carol DeGrace, My Boys and Her Daugther

Carol DeGrace & My Boys

My Big Boy Noah Walking !!

My Lap Lover Jack with his Care Taker

They asked at the orphanage if they could see my boys, and since they were also working with Frank Adoption, they brought them in for 5 minutes to allow them to send us some pictures.  WOW ! I cried like the day I left them when I saw those photos. How big they got, and to see them walking without Mama and Daddy's hands was also Bitter Sweet.

The boys are still holding onto one another.  Noah always reaching out a hand to make sure Jack is beside him.   It was such a wonderful day to see those pictures and to see how much they have grown.

That room brings back so many joyous memories, and those few photos will get me through another few months. 

That Friday was one of the best I have had so far in the waiting.  Thank you to all those wonderful parents our there who know what it is to wait and help us all get through it during these trying times.

As Jesus said in FootPrints..."It was then that I carried you..."

God Bless you Richard and Carol and your wonderful new family.

Best of Luck to you in court on July 21, 2010...I know it will be a wonderful day !!!

Entering the Fourth of July Celebration Weekend......

Well here we are entering the celebration weekend of the summer at the beach in Wildwood.  A second round of re-done docs was sent to Ekat last Friday.  The waiting game continues and now my hopes of travelling in the Fall quickly fade to..."please before Christmas".  The cruelty of the waiting game is very distressing, but I try to occupy my time and much of it is occupied with changing documents. 
The boys' room is ready to go, all the finishing touches in place, except my kids.
Every week I read another story in the paper about Russia that stops my breathe in anticipation...spys, nukes, orphans, relations, etc. --Why can't we just get along, the Cold War IS OVER people.