The Final Days??

So this is where the pressure of the final days of document preparation really starts to get to you.  I have now sent our Florida Timeshare deed back to the Orange County Comptroller 3x with minor things that needed correction.  Even though they were asked to please email or call me with any problems; no they chose to use my $26 return prepaid airbill (twice) to send all the documents back to me so that I could write a new check, because I overpaid them by $2.70.  WOW !  I often wonder if when they [State Govt] interview people for government [public sector] jobs, is a prerequisite that you have absolutely no common sense, humanity, compassion, or concern for fiscal expenditures; or is it that they work to train these official drones until they become mindless government weebles?

Yes, now I do feel better having gotten that off my chest, but in the world of paperwork-here we still are.  So very close to the final package going to Olga in Ekat, but not quite there yet.   Fingerprints were sent on March 17, 2010 and still no reply.  My credit card was charged the $36 in May, so maybe that means the turtle is nearing the finish line.  Everything is back from NJ with an Apostille on it, and I patiently make copies of each document and each apostille for my files and Frank Adoption files as well. 

Wednesday  May 26th , my boys turned 17 months old.  3 months older than when I met them.  I wonder what they are up to?  Are they talking more, walking unassisted, eating different foods?  Everytime I walk past their empty bedroom, my heart quietly breaks.

What I thought was pretty quick on our part with paperwork, turned out to be the wait for other "officials" to get papers back to us.  So, I think this week I will send everything off.  Double check my documents again and send them to Olga.  I am sure I will get a redo list anyway, so why quibble over the small stuff right now.

In Wildwood, NJ now, most of the foreigners are here for the summer. Russians, Bulgarians, Ukrainians etc.  Many work for my family and many come into our restaurant and bar.  They very nicely ask about the boys and "tsk" dramatically when we tell them about the paperwork.  It's funny, because the Russians are the most appalled at the kind of paperwork we need to complete.  Many have said "Tell them to give you those children and get them out of those orphanages!"   Oh, if only I can take you with me to tell the judge that in Russian !
We have a great relationship with the Europeans where we live.  They are hard working, fun, and pretty easy going for the most part; but that's probably because they are young.  In their 20's and 30's and here to work or learn.  I think the bureaucracy is learned and taught after age 40 in any country, including the USA.  The Russian Students ask me about the family of the children; do I know them, will they know them?  I think they seem very encouraged that I have information on the mother and brothers of Sasha and Pasha, and someday when they need it or want it- I have it for them.   I think it would be good for them to know their heritage and share the beauty of America with others.

This week I will send off that package via DHL to Olga; and whatever is missing can follow. I feel like I would have at least accomplished something if its on its way to Russia by June.  Sometimes I actually think the agencies delay things on purpose (not sure why).  I was asked to change and add to several documents several times. I couldn't understand why that wasn't told in the beginnning when the document was obtained? 

I do know one thing; when this process is over and I have those boys with me to love and to raise, they will always know their heritage, they will always know where they came from,  and they will never know how this paperwork and wait time has mentally defeated me.  I will never regret the road to them, no matter how unpaved and steep it may be; but as far as they have to know, the ride was nothing more than a summer carriage in central park; maybe with a few pigeon poohs on the way !

Spero di vederti presto bambini !!

The Nesting Stage?

Is this what pregnant women call the nesting stage?  When you are fluffing pillows on the freshly made bed, in the freshly painted room with the brand new toy box put together and awaiting the little fingers to open and close it hourly?
Yes, the bed is put together and ready to go; it looks great. Plenty of room for the visiting Jake and Mattie as well ! The toy chest is put together and topped with stuffed animals and pillows, the bookshelves have toys, beanie babies and Russian Cups on display [how long you think this stuff will last here?] and the new area rug matches the room perfectly for playtime. Beau, our lab, made himself quite comfortable on it and thinks this new room is for him.  He has no idea what he's in for ! 

So I am assuming this is what they call nesting?  When you are hanging pictures, primping the room, making beds and such?  We in the adoption world call it torture !  The endless waiting and wondering when your children will enjoy their new bedroom and toys all their own. 

One thing I did not think of when I bought these fabulous bunk beds is that I am the one making the bed.  I hit my head 4 times on the upper bunk and could get the hospital corners quite like I wanted them.  My best friend Kathlyn laughs at me and tells me that the nicely tucked corners and even the made beds won't last too long with twins.  She's probably right, but I won't admit it just yet !

Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for our new bedroom furniture !  Jack and Noah will have countless hours of sleep and fun in their new room.

Now we wait.....UGH !

Apostilles on the way.....

Well, it has been just under 2 months since we arrived home from our first trip and our documents are on their way to get Apostilled.   A few changes were made to satisfy the Russian judges, and I am sure that several more will follow eventually.   We emailed everything to Olga in Russia and Michalina in NC to ok the documents and so far it looks alright.  8 Doctors in 2 months, not bad for a novice ! 
The only thing we are waiting for is our FBI fingerprints, government bureaucracy at its best, which could take another month or so.  By then of course the medicals will have expired and we start that all over again....yeah, what a ride.
We will send this package off to Russia without the fingerprints, so Olga can begin the translation and at least move the process somewhat along.  So--a list of who's fast and who isn't for future reference:
1) ABMS- very fast, not even one week turn around. (see what $100 per doc gets you)
2) Accountant Certification from State of PA - 30 days max, got it in 3 weeks.  Cost $40
3) Psychologist Certification from NJ Attorney General - 1 week - $35 Cost
4) Home Study Agency Certification - 3 weeks
5) Social Worker Certification - 2 weeks
6) Home Study Updates - $325 - rather quick with Golden Cradle (great agency)
7) Fingerprints- FOREVER.......$80 per person
--------------------------------------------------------
The end result...................Priceless.

OK I couldn't resist that last part, it just had to be said. :)

There have been some statements that talks in Russia are going well with the State Depts.  and Russian officials, although the courts have not been disrupted by the Hanson adoption fiasco.  The judge in Ekat still moves at the speed of a thundering herd of turtles and I would guess that realistically, we won't travel before Sept or Oct. for court. 

So, for future reference....Don't ask " When do you pick them up?" , it simply does not work that way. 
If adoptive parents immediately had a gotcha date after trip one, the world would have a lot less blogs in it.
My mother saw the large binder full of documents the other day and said "what is that"...I replied "this is the road to your grandchildren."  --did they think I was making this stuff up??  :)

I think I have everything organized, the room is freshly painted, the new  beds are being delivered next week, the toy chest in a few days and the stuffed animals are already dotting the shelves.  Sea Turtles, that's our theme.  Joe and I love Sea Turtles.   We purchased a WYLAND watercolor in Key West in February that we were drawn to.  It was Two Sea Turtles swimming side by side.  We fell in love with it and it spoke Jack and Noah to us.  That painting is the focal point of the boys' room.  
Sea Turtles are majestic, graceful, patient, protective and endangered - much like the Adopting Parent.

From FINDING NEMO:
Marlin: [Inside the whale] I have to get out of here! I have to find my son! I have to tell him how old sea turtles are!

Russia Updates...

Well, Monday the 26th the boys will be 16 months old.  Five months older than when I first received their referral and five months that Joe and I will not get back in raising them.  But, such is life with Russian Adoption.  You cherish the years you ahve ahead of you and not the ones you lost behind you.
We are 95% complete our list of 38 documents for phase two of the adoption. The stuff we are still waiting for is beyond our control; documents of certifications from State agencies (yes, more bureaucracy).  Once we have these, we will send this large package to Trenton to be Apostilled and then off to Russia to Olga, our coordinator.  Then we wait....the judge will eventually review our documents and inevitably make us redo several of them (b/c she loves to torture Americans!) and then we wait for a court date.
We are pretty optimistic that by the time we go to court, most of the Russian backlash of Americans will have subsided and we don't anticipate any moratorium at this point; nor does our agency. 
The Yahoo and FRUA boards are loaded with naysayers, gentle warnings, angry parents and desperate PAPs; and frankly I have tried to stay off of them not to stir any more emotions than I am already going through.   Just know that the media loves turmoil, and they will make this much worse than it is.  many news outlets have already published stories of FROZEN ADOPTIONS, when in fact, no such freeze exists.   This is part of our media that does not accurately check its facts before publishing gospel.  So, please check with a few news sources or people in the "know" before thinking the LA or NY Times are printing gospel.
We all know the Russia and America have had tenuous ties for years and in fact the "cold war" may appear over, but its still cold with regards to Russia's love of America.   We are two great countries that do things very differently and here we will call our lying politicians to the carpet rather quickly, but it takes a little longer to do so in Russia, sometimes.  The older population is very traditional and they view these orphans as "their children".  I know what you are all thinking, because I have said and thought the same thing....well then why aren't you taking care of them??  Well, since 1992 Russia is struggling with its new found freedoms and some social justices might take a little longer to perfect. 
When we Americans adopt these children, they become US Citizens; so what the Hansen family did was wrong in so many ways. [please keep in mind that something is also just not right with this family] They not only returned their child, a Russian Adoptee, but they returned an American Citizen to his country of origin.  Now America isn't going to insist they send Artyom back for the sake of political morals, but he can't just be "adopted" by a Russian family without some legal paperwork happening first.
 There are organizations our there; PEAR, FRUA, JCICS and more that assist, educate, lobby and attempt reform; to much of the international adoption world.  International Adoption has become a profitable venture for many companies and for many others it is still about the children being placed in good and stable homes.
Like any venture, there are good people and bad people; and the media loves the bad people. There is a lot more evidence coming out about this family and we know they are the exception and certainly not the rule on adoptive parents.  APs have spoken out and 60,000 successful adoptions have taken place in 17 years from Russia to America.  Many adoptions by Americans have declined since 2003 [over 4000 in 2003 and 1600 in 2009] because of increased illnesses, more domestic foster care, fetal alcohol syndrome, dishonest agencies, and economic reasons as well; The cost to adopt from Russia has become very prohibitive.
There does need to be consistency in Russia though.  Why some regions take 2 months for court and others take 10 months is simply unacceptable. The parents suffer, the children suffer and the country's economic situation suffers as well. 
 Joe and I assure you that everything is moving along fine and we ask that you not listen to the hype in the media.  We are well aware of what is going on in our adoptive country and we are in contact with the people that actually "know" what is going on there, not the journalists. As of today, several famliles have gone to court in our region and adoptions and paperwork are moving through at their usual snail's pace.  Families are visiting referrals and there is no need to "pretend" you aren't American to avoid street gangs of angry Russians attacking you.  [that statement by someone on Yahoo Chat was by far the funniest I heard yet]. 
Thank you to all of our friends that called to make sure we are ok; your thoughtfulness is very much appreciated.  Everything is ok, and everything is moving along well.  Negative thoughts and information sometimes over shadow the positive of many situations, but Joe and I remain focused on our goal of bringing our boys home; and it will happen. 

Moscow Times Article...

THE MOSCOW TIMES
Adoption Flap Not Expected to Last Long

14 April 2010
By Alexander Bratersky
A U.S. government delegation will arrive in Moscow next week to discuss rules for American parents who want to adopt Russian children, setting the stage for a resolution of a years-long irritant in U.S.-Russian relations.
Adoptions, a hot-button issue after several Russian children died at the hands of their U.S. parents in recent years, jumped to the forefront last Thursday when a single Tennessee mother sent her 7-year-old Russian son to Moscow with a note saying she no longer wanted him.
President Dmitry Medvedev denounced the action as a "monstrous deed" by a "bad family." Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov said it was "the last straw" in a series of bad adoptions and threatened to suspend all adoptions to American families.
But shock and sympathy has also poured in from U.S. government officials, the U.S. parents of adopted Russian children and other Americans.
Although the mother's actions were dismaying, the incident will not escalate into an international scandal and, to the contrary, promises to ultimately improve relations by convincing the U.S. government to finally discuss a long-running Russian demand for an international agreement on adoptions, analysts said.
“I don’t see any [Kremlin] desire to turn this into a political issue,” said Fyodor Lyukanov, editor of the journal Russia in Global Affairs.
Final arrangements are now being worked out for a visit next week by a State Department team led by Michael Kirby, a deputy assistant secretary who handles adoption issues, State Department spokesman P.J. Crowley said Monday.
"In fact, this trip was being put together even before last week’s incident," Crowley told reporters in Washington, according to an e-mailed transcript. "But clearly, this latest situation will be among those things discussed."
He did not give precise dates for the visit.
U.S. Ambassador John Beyrle said the team would discuss "an agreement on bilateral understanding" to ensure the welfare of adopted Russian children.
"Many thousands of Russian children have been adopted by American families, and we hope that children here who are unable to find a family in Russia to adopt them can continue to have this chance," Beyrle said in a statement.
U.S. families adopted about 1,600 Russian children last year, according to the National Council For Adoption, a U.S. nongovernmental organization.
Another senior U.S. official, Melanne Verveer, U.S. ambassador-at-large for global women's issues, will visit Moscow, St. Petersburg and Barnaul soon, and she might also discuss adoptions, the State Department said.
Lavrov said Friday that an accord to ensure the well-being of adopted children must be reached before further adoptions are approved, and he noted that Washington had balked at signing such an agreement in the past.
Medvedev has appeared to support a halt in adoptions, telling U.S. television network ABC News on Friday: “We should understand what happens to our children, or we will have to cease the practice of adoption of our children by American parents."

At least 15 Russian children have been killed by their U.S. parents since the mid-1990s, according to the Prosecutor General's Office. More than 60,000 Russian children were adopted by Americans over the same period, according to the National Council For Adoption. Among the more prominent parents is former U.S. astronaut Thomas Stafford, who adopted two Russian teenage boys in 2004.
But children's ombudsman Pavel Astakhov said up to 15 children adopted by Russian parents die every year. “If we compare the statistics for dead children in Russia with America, it is not in our favor,” he told reporters Monday.
About 1,220 children adopted by Russian parents died between 1993 and 2008, according to data compiled by the children ombudsmen's office.

Astakhov recommended on Tuesday that the Justice Ministry take over adoption issues from the Education and Science Ministry and said Education and Science Minister Andrei Fursenko supported the idea.
Despite the tough Russian talk about suspending adoptions, no concrete actions have been taken — a sign, analysts said, that Russia will let the incident blow over if the United States agrees to the adoption agreement.
But Elisabeth Bartholet, a professor of law at Harvard University and an expert on international adoptions, cautioned that better enforcement of existing adoption procedures would be better than negotiating the agreement.
“Adding new restrictive requirements to the adoption process typically simply means that children will be kept in institutions for longer," she told The Moscow Times. "This makes them much harder to parent and will increase the chances that the adoption will not work out.”
Artyom Savelyev's adopted grandmother took the boy to Washington last week and sent him unaccompanied on a United Airlines flight to Moscow's Domodedovo Airport, wh ere a tour guide hired for $200 by the grandmother picked him up and deposited him at the Education and Science Ministry. The boy was carrying a note from his mother, Torry Hansen, that accused Russian orphanage workers of lying about the boy during the adoption process.
"He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues. … After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child," the letter said.
The deputy director of the orphanage in the Primorye region town of Partizansk denied misleading Hansen and expressed surprise that the adoption had not worked out. Nadezhda Guseva said Hansen had visited the boy three times before the adoption was finalized last September and had “made a positive impression” with the staff. “She behaved like a woman who expects to take a child,” she said.
The orphanage is home to 82 children, and six of its former wards now live in the United States.
Guseva said the orphanage has kept in touch with the U.S. parents of most of the children. “We have a very friendly relationship with them,” she said.
Education and Science Ministry officials, meanwhile, are trying to establish contact with Hansen, who they say remains the legal parent of the boy because she has not renounced her rights in court. A ministry spokesman said the note from Hansen carried by the boy was not a legal document.
U.S. authorities are also trying to speak with the mother.
The boy is currently undergoing checks at a Moscow hospital. What will happen to him next is unclear.
The family of a Russian diplomat has expressed interest in adopting the boy, said Astakhov, who met with the boy on Friday in a meeting featured prominently on state television.
Guseva said his old orphanage was also ready to take him back. “He has many friends here, and many still remember him,” she said.
The boy will celebrate his 8th birthday on Friday.



Correction

Editor's note: An earlier version of this story incorrectly said Artyom Savelyev was adopted in September 2008. He was adopted in September 2009.











© Copyright 2010. The Moscow Times. All rights reserved.

Threatened Adoption Freeze in Russia....

As of April 12, 2010 here is what we heard fro our agency:
"In light of this most recent incident involving the returning of a Russian child adopted by an American family; I have spoken with the President of our organization, Nina Kostina, and she has confirmed with me today that the Ministry of Education and Science in Moscow WILL NOT be issuing a Moratorium on American adoptions. What has happened with this young boy is awful and we know from past experiences that the Russian government will use this latest incident to reassess their international adoption process for foreign families. Please be encouraged with the news that American adoptions of Russian children are moving forward and we will continue to serve both you and the children we place in the best possible way. "
So this brings us a little relief, but we still walk on egg shells thinking at any moment this rug could be snatched from under our feet.  The agencies, advocacy groups and parents are out there forming troops to stop this from happening.  I can honestly say that I have never met a more supportive or helpful group of individuals like adoptive parents.  It is a world and a group all its own that shares the ups and downs and the joys and sorrows. 
Now don't get me wrong about what I posted earlier--this mom in TN needs to be prosecuted. Without a doubt, there are things that are not adding up.  She lives on a gated compound, kids didn't go to school,  and 6 months.....?  Everyone knows the first 6 months are the hardest. Did she bother to read a book or aa blog even?!  To not seek out help from anyone is appalling and it also seems the grandmother may have been a controlling factor in this stupid decision.
Anyway, they say this might make the wait linger and the paperwork harder.........really !!  Those people haven't been to Ekaterinburg yet !   So Joe and I keep our faith, stress quietly, sleep a little longer, and continue as if nothing happened.  We want our boys, we are waiting to give them the life they deserve.
God Bless everyone who has offered prayers...let's keep them coming !  Thank you !

“The love of a family is life's greatest blessing”

The recent news about the Tennessee mother that sent her 7 year old Russian adopted son back to Moscow with a note of abandonment, is appalling to every individual with a sense of right and wrong and the logic of morals. The actions by this adoptive parent and grandparent to an alleged psychologically disturbed child is just as disconcerting as any reports about child abuse, neglect, or even worse; murder. The larger dilemma from this atrocious behavior is that an adoptive mother may have potentially jeopardized the happiness of not just one child, but of tens of thousands of orphans in Russia.



Russian officials are once again threatening to freeze foreign adoptions because of the recent behavior of a very small number of psychologically disturbed American folks who have adopted Russian children in the past 14 years and consequentially abused, neglected or murdered them. Fueling this witch hunt on foreign adoption is the immense national pride that Russia possesses. With half the population of the United States it is overwhelmed with suicide rates of 60,000 annually and more that 740,000 children without parental custody. Therefore are these freeze threats really about child welfare or about shielding a country's obstinate pride and potentially jeopardizing the future happiness of thousands of children.



The number of Russian orphans has more than doubled in the past six years, but still adoptions by foreigners in Russia is at 62%, while Russians account for only 38% of in country adoptions. The Russian family unit seems to have suffered a breakdown (not unlike many countries) and thousands of children remain abandoned every year. Of these children that call orphanages their homes, only 10-15% of them will emerge at ages 16-18 and go on to a typical existence; while more than 80% will suffer drug addiction, prostitution, jail or succumb to suicide. Many children in Russia run away from home and become vagrants or take to drugs and alcohol; only perpetuating a vicious cycle of war, poverty and social upheaval in a country plagued by the world's second highest suicide rate.



Russia's financial and social crisis is not what is widely televised on Russian or American television. The story of the tens of thousands of joyful orphans that have found forever homes in America, with American parents and American brothers and sisters, are not what dominate the press. Another mislaid chronicle is the 5,000 Russian orphans that are not adopted by would be American parents that leave orphanage care and which end up in court each year, the 6000 aged out children that turn to the streets or the 1500 that commit suicide annually; all fail to materialize on the online news circuits.



So how do Adoptive parents, which are seemingly powerless and voiceless in a foreign country, stop the recoil of American adoptions from Russia? We have a voice in our own country and we must share our beautiful heartfelt stories with the press and insist they televise these accountings. We must let Russian children living in American with their adoptive families the opportunity to speak and share their delight and triumphant fairy-tale endings. Adoption agencies and adoption advocates in America, International adoption clinics and hospitals and specialists; and our congressional leaders; find your voice. All people affected by the loving adoption community of the USA need to speak out against this injustice and rally round potential adoptive parents in their threatened foreign adoptions. Hear and speak what has been said in the past "To nourish children and raise them against odds is in any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons."



Russia is a beautiful country; my husband and I spent a week there and were pleasantly surprised by how courteous and accommodating the community of Yekaterinburg was. There we met our future; two beautiful twin boys 14 months old. It was the most joyous 6 days of our life and we suspect that it was theirs as well. The laughter, the memories and the tears over those 6 days will remain with us throughout our lives and we will continue to be indebted to their birth mother for giving us these precious lives.

Our home is already riddled with photos and proud grandparents are carrying wallet pictures and bragging to their friends. Showers have been planned, rooms painted and God Parents chosen. These are our children, Russian children, who will know their heritage and be taught about the beautiful country they came from that aided in finding a forever home. Please don't let our boys or any of the waiting children of so many adoptive American parents, become one of the orphan statistics in Russia. Confucius said: "To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right."