I'm not quite sure that the boys understood what Easter Sunday was, to them it was a bunch of people handing them eggs and candy. They did seem to really enjoy all this pomp, a trip to the boardwalk and some rides for the first time, dinner with the Grand folks and so on. By next year it will probably all come together for them.
As the Adoptive Parents say, each day does get easier. The boys are adjusting well and fell into their routines and home life quite comfortably. We take our walks, play in the park, and with the warmer weather comes new outings like hiking trails, beach and more boardwalk !
Communication is coming along very well; they understand everything and are beginning to make more and more words and gestures every day. Taking them out by myself is not that difficult, we have our routines, and they follow the rules really well. They love to walk hand in hand to the park or just down the block. I can see the bonding and they love Mommy and Daddy alot.
Jack is especially bonded to my father, Nonno. They are inseparable when we are together ! It is so cute and equally pathetic ! Noah loves everyone, such a happy go lucky kid that doesn't let his sicknesses get him down. He has been feeling much better and the medicines seem to be helping him. The therapists said he is a different kid, and I have to agree.
Holidays should have special meaning, but right now we are just enjoying being a family. As the boys understand more, I believe we will enjoy the holidays more. Teaching them about the traditions and the history of each event. Last week they were 28 months old. Wow ! Seems like we met them just yesterday and we were waiting for our court date daily; and now here we are with our first post placement review scheduled already.
Noah and Jack are thriving, and I can't help but think about all those children that are not being given a chance. It breaks my heart. So much is being done for these boys here in the states that never would have been done in Russia; medically speaking. Noah is not the sick boy they made him out to be. Does he has some medical issues, yes he does, but he is a loving and sweet toddler that just wants to play and be held. He needs attention,, love and commitment. He is eating well now, sleeping well, playing, learning and talking. Things that the Russian judge would have sworn he would never do.
Hopefully someday the path to adoption will get easier and less expensive. There are a lot of kids and parents out there waiting to be joined together. Why do governments stand in their way?
Asia/Europe Continental Border
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
I Know I have been away a long time...........
Wow, It's been a long time it seems since I have had the chance to sit and write about a few things.
Today the boys napped early and I am taking advantage of the sunshine and spring weather to sit and write for a little while.
The days get better and better and the boys are learning fast. Someone told me today that when the twins are four years old, that's when it becomes two kids and not twins. Apparently it is a little easier then ! I wait patiently for that time.
Until then I enjoy what we have. They are bonded very well, contrary to the "specialists" that think I should have boarded my windows and doors for 6 months, ordered take out and not let anyone have contact with me or the boys. If they only knew we actually WENT to Disney World and did not heed the advice that the experience would be so traumatic for the boys.
Don't they look totally traumatized in these pics......
So glad we decided to listen to our own instincts about OUR kids and not all the "specialists" !
Noah, who was not eating for over a month, suddenly began to eat in Disney and has not stopped since.
It is a Magical Place. He must have eaten because he was so traumatized !
The trip did wonders for our bonding, they loved the drive to Florida and staying in a hotel and seeing all the sites.
Now is this for every adopted kid after 3 months, probably not, but I knew that my two could handle it.
Spending 14 waking hours a day with them, I think I know what they can and cannot handle !
They really enjoyed being regular kids and we enjoyed being regular parents too. Wathcing them transform with every activity; like when we went into the pool for the first time.
They did not understand why we were putting them in the water with their clothes on ! It took a few moments and then Jack had the total hang of it. Noah needed a little more reassurance and a float being held by Mom or Dad, but he did great.
Can't wait to see them on the beach in the summer !! Hope Mattie and Jake plan their trip here soon !
Well, I know its been several weeks and some trying moments and I am sure there are still more ahead,
but it is coming along. Every bit of advice that every adoptive parent gives you is correct. They are NEVER wrong, but the doctors and specialists are frequently wrong !
Noah has some procedures scheduled in the coming few weeks, so hope that all goes well.
So far, they are just being normal kids. Testing the boundaries, being defiant, being silly and so on.
Just wish warm weather would come sooner !!
Will post more soon !
Today the boys napped early and I am taking advantage of the sunshine and spring weather to sit and write for a little while.
The days get better and better and the boys are learning fast. Someone told me today that when the twins are four years old, that's when it becomes two kids and not twins. Apparently it is a little easier then ! I wait patiently for that time.
Until then I enjoy what we have. They are bonded very well, contrary to the "specialists" that think I should have boarded my windows and doors for 6 months, ordered take out and not let anyone have contact with me or the boys. If they only knew we actually WENT to Disney World and did not heed the advice that the experience would be so traumatic for the boys.
So glad we decided to listen to our own instincts about OUR kids and not all the "specialists" !
Noah, who was not eating for over a month, suddenly began to eat in Disney and has not stopped since.
It is a Magical Place. He must have eaten because he was so traumatized !
The trip did wonders for our bonding, they loved the drive to Florida and staying in a hotel and seeing all the sites.
Now is this for every adopted kid after 3 months, probably not, but I knew that my two could handle it.
Spending 14 waking hours a day with them, I think I know what they can and cannot handle !
They really enjoyed being regular kids and we enjoyed being regular parents too. Wathcing them transform with every activity; like when we went into the pool for the first time.
They did not understand why we were putting them in the water with their clothes on ! It took a few moments and then Jack had the total hang of it. Noah needed a little more reassurance and a float being held by Mom or Dad, but he did great.
Can't wait to see them on the beach in the summer !! Hope Mattie and Jake plan their trip here soon !
Well, I know its been several weeks and some trying moments and I am sure there are still more ahead,
but it is coming along. Every bit of advice that every adoptive parent gives you is correct. They are NEVER wrong, but the doctors and specialists are frequently wrong !
Noah has some procedures scheduled in the coming few weeks, so hope that all goes well.
So far, they are just being normal kids. Testing the boundaries, being defiant, being silly and so on.
Just wish warm weather would come sooner !!
Will post more soon !
Monday, March 14, 2011
PADS.....Pass it on.....
Sad, Sorry, Depressed But You Don't Tell Anybody - Could it be Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome?
The trip to China was exciting. You stayed in a five-star hotel and even saw fabulous sights like the Great Wall and the palace in Beijing. Your baby was more adorable in person than pictures. You and your husband never felt so thrilled and fulfilled as you held her in your arms on the flight home. Your ten-year quest for a child is finally over, you are a family now and forever. This little one is finally yours!
One month later.
You feel anxious and depressed, but more often, simply overwhelmed. Some mornings you don't get dressed. You don't feel any great love for your child, and you can barely make it through your day. Even your husband doesn't understand. In your deepest, most private moments, you wish you could give your baby back.
Science is just beginning to define "Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome" (PADS), which is not yet a distinct illness recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. PADS can range from a full-blown episode of severe depression that requires hospitalization or just a simple case of the blues that lasts a month or two. The few scientific studies of PADS indicate that over half of adoptive mothers experience it. For example, in 1999 Harriet McCarthy, manager of the Eastern European Adoption Coalition Parent Education and Preparedness, surveyed 165 mothers who had adopted children from Eastern Europe and found that 65% reported post-adoption depression. Other researchers have determined that you are more likely to experience PADS if you adopt from overseas or if your child has special needs.
"PADS is now where post-partum depression in biological mothers was ten years ago," Pamela Kruger, editor of a book by adoptive parents, told the New York Times. "Parents can be blindsided by it. They're expecting... this joyous moment and not expecting to have these feelings."
Doctors often attribute post-partum blues to dramatic hormonal changes that occur after the birth of a baby. However, psychologists often link new mother's depression to the sudden overwhelming demands of an infant and new financial responsibility, as well her loss of professional identity, social networks, and personal freedom. Sometimes depression is simply about not getting enough sleep or time to oneself.
Adoptive mothers experience all these things too. One mother described PADS to author Dr. Karen Foli: "I don't know how you could know how it feels to have somebody so dependent on you at that level 24 hours a day. It's almost like I was suffocating. Like I had someone physically attached to me. I felt awful that this poor little thing had this monster for a mother who wanted to shake her off her leg."
Many adoptive mothers are older and wealthier than typical first moms. They often have established careers and have enjoyed years of freedom from the demands of children. They feel depressed and anxious if they do not "fall in love" with their children immediately. Old negative feelings about miscarriage and infertility often resurface. Adoptive parents who have become friends with their child's birth mothers often feel sorry for their loss and pain - adding to their own depression. Often adoptive parents have been so focused on the goal of getting a child that they did not prepare themselves for caring for a child.
June Bond, a writer for Roots and Wings magazine and the first person to recognize PADS, says that adoptive parents experience a huge letdown within a few weeks after their new child comes home. It is similar to what happens after a wedding, completing a college degree or achieving any other big life goal. "The emotional rush from the attainment of this long-desired goal is exhilarating," she writes. ".Feelings of being 'let down' are common after reaching any major life milestone."
To make matters worse, their child may have problems the new parents did not anticipate. The child may have spent years in an orphanage or foster care, and developed attention-getting or coping behaviors like head-banging, tantrums, inappropriate displays of affection, etc. Even worse, their doctor may diagnose major medical problems like attention-deficit disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome that will require years of special care.
As Bond and other writers have noted, adoptive mothers and fathers often do not feel free to talk about their depression to friends, family or counselors. Those who supported them in their quest to become parents now believe that they are the happiest people in the world. They have attained a higher social status by adopting and becoming parents. Consequently, many sufferers are reluctant to talk about PADS. They may especially avoid counselors at their adoption agency, because they are afraid they may jeopardize the adoption.
If an adopted child develops problems in later childhood or as a teen, parents often look back over their lives to find answers. If they do not understand that PADS is a normal and even predictable crisis, they may feel that they were never good parents from day one and everything is their fault. They do not understand that nearly every new mother or father has feelings of being trapped by their new child, worries whether they did the right thing by having children, and misses the freedom of their youth and life before the demands of parenthood.
Experts like Bond and Foli tell parents who are experiencing post-adoption depression to get involved with other adoptive parents on the Internet. You can safely share your story with others in the same spot. If your depression lasts for more than a few months, seek professional help. If you are going back over your child's past to figure out what went wrong, don't be too hard on yourself. Post-Adoption Depression is a naturally occurring period of becoming parents
----------------------------
I wanted to share the above article with people to spread the word. Adoptive Parents do not get enough understanding for going through the same symptoms as bio moms.
Nothing in the adoption prepares you for any of this, agencies are non existent after the adoption is complete.
Awareness can only be made the extraordinary AP in the world !
The trip to China was exciting. You stayed in a five-star hotel and even saw fabulous sights like the Great Wall and the palace in Beijing. Your baby was more adorable in person than pictures. You and your husband never felt so thrilled and fulfilled as you held her in your arms on the flight home. Your ten-year quest for a child is finally over, you are a family now and forever. This little one is finally yours!
One month later.
You feel anxious and depressed, but more often, simply overwhelmed. Some mornings you don't get dressed. You don't feel any great love for your child, and you can barely make it through your day. Even your husband doesn't understand. In your deepest, most private moments, you wish you could give your baby back.
Science is just beginning to define "Post-Adoption Depression Syndrome" (PADS), which is not yet a distinct illness recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. PADS can range from a full-blown episode of severe depression that requires hospitalization or just a simple case of the blues that lasts a month or two. The few scientific studies of PADS indicate that over half of adoptive mothers experience it. For example, in 1999 Harriet McCarthy, manager of the Eastern European Adoption Coalition Parent Education and Preparedness, surveyed 165 mothers who had adopted children from Eastern Europe and found that 65% reported post-adoption depression. Other researchers have determined that you are more likely to experience PADS if you adopt from overseas or if your child has special needs.
"PADS is now where post-partum depression in biological mothers was ten years ago," Pamela Kruger, editor of a book by adoptive parents, told the New York Times. "Parents can be blindsided by it. They're expecting... this joyous moment and not expecting to have these feelings."
Doctors often attribute post-partum blues to dramatic hormonal changes that occur after the birth of a baby. However, psychologists often link new mother's depression to the sudden overwhelming demands of an infant and new financial responsibility, as well her loss of professional identity, social networks, and personal freedom. Sometimes depression is simply about not getting enough sleep or time to oneself.
Adoptive mothers experience all these things too. One mother described PADS to author Dr. Karen Foli: "I don't know how you could know how it feels to have somebody so dependent on you at that level 24 hours a day. It's almost like I was suffocating. Like I had someone physically attached to me. I felt awful that this poor little thing had this monster for a mother who wanted to shake her off her leg."
Many adoptive mothers are older and wealthier than typical first moms. They often have established careers and have enjoyed years of freedom from the demands of children. They feel depressed and anxious if they do not "fall in love" with their children immediately. Old negative feelings about miscarriage and infertility often resurface. Adoptive parents who have become friends with their child's birth mothers often feel sorry for their loss and pain - adding to their own depression. Often adoptive parents have been so focused on the goal of getting a child that they did not prepare themselves for caring for a child.
June Bond, a writer for Roots and Wings magazine and the first person to recognize PADS, says that adoptive parents experience a huge letdown within a few weeks after their new child comes home. It is similar to what happens after a wedding, completing a college degree or achieving any other big life goal. "The emotional rush from the attainment of this long-desired goal is exhilarating," she writes. ".Feelings of being 'let down' are common after reaching any major life milestone."
To make matters worse, their child may have problems the new parents did not anticipate. The child may have spent years in an orphanage or foster care, and developed attention-getting or coping behaviors like head-banging, tantrums, inappropriate displays of affection, etc. Even worse, their doctor may diagnose major medical problems like attention-deficit disorder or fetal alcohol syndrome that will require years of special care.
As Bond and other writers have noted, adoptive mothers and fathers often do not feel free to talk about their depression to friends, family or counselors. Those who supported them in their quest to become parents now believe that they are the happiest people in the world. They have attained a higher social status by adopting and becoming parents. Consequently, many sufferers are reluctant to talk about PADS. They may especially avoid counselors at their adoption agency, because they are afraid they may jeopardize the adoption.
If an adopted child develops problems in later childhood or as a teen, parents often look back over their lives to find answers. If they do not understand that PADS is a normal and even predictable crisis, they may feel that they were never good parents from day one and everything is their fault. They do not understand that nearly every new mother or father has feelings of being trapped by their new child, worries whether they did the right thing by having children, and misses the freedom of their youth and life before the demands of parenthood.
Experts like Bond and Foli tell parents who are experiencing post-adoption depression to get involved with other adoptive parents on the Internet. You can safely share your story with others in the same spot. If your depression lasts for more than a few months, seek professional help. If you are going back over your child's past to figure out what went wrong, don't be too hard on yourself. Post-Adoption Depression is a naturally occurring period of becoming parents
----------------------------
I wanted to share the above article with people to spread the word. Adoptive Parents do not get enough understanding for going through the same symptoms as bio moms.
Nothing in the adoption prepares you for any of this, agencies are non existent after the adoption is complete.
Awareness can only be made the extraordinary AP in the world !
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Some Good Moments........
So the specialists tell you to log down the good times and not focus on the bad...here are a few great things we have learned and done in the 6 weeks home:
Bath Time is a blast...they love it. Noah was hesitant at first and now it's his favorite time. Jack thinks its fun and even hands me his hands and feet to wash. They especially love when I rinse by pouring the water over their heads !
Brushing our Teeth...or better known as ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (make toothbrush motion with hand). Jack imitates this to a tee and Noah makes the ahhhhhhh sound. Noah can fight a bit on the actual reason we are brushing, which is not to eat the toothbrush, but it gets done.
Jack will let me brush every single tooth without issue (thank god) and loves to rinse !
We are working on the spitting out, but we aren't there yet. Oh well...small steps.
Eating.......well- let's just not go there right now.
The boys LOVE to be outside and I can't blame them for that. They got so little chance for it in Russia between the snow and all the rules of what they can and can't do. Besides, who the heck stands stuffed animals in the snow? and Why?
ok, ok, I'll stop. But they are playing with their outside wagons, picking up rocks, digging in the dirt and being generally boys.
When we do go the playground, the swings and the slides are their favorite parts. Mine too !
The stress is a lot. Some days are good, some are bad, some are better and some are worse. But we take them one day at a time and pray they will all get good soon.
Sadly there are a few people in our lives we have had to shut the door on because they are the ones that believe everything is fixed with "love". HA ! I was under that impression too, then I was struck into reality.
Love helps in nuture and nature, but it doesn't help PTSD, RAD, FAS, etc...and all the gamut of issues these children have been exposed to and have the potential for.
I pray that we keep collecting "good" memories, but I am very sad to have to "shut" people out of my life when a support network is the most important thing a person needs right now.
On another happy note, the boys are sleeping well at night. Very few "wake ups" and usually just for a few minutes. I do thinkk it helps that they are in their room together, although we did seperate them in bed now.
Jack kept waking Noah up for no reason. He felt "I'm awake, everyone should be awake.." and that method wasn't working, so Jack Jack got his own bed early.
Rain tomorrow and Friday, so we will have to find some indoor activities. I have removed 50% of their toys, in hopes that we can start to concentrate on a few things and play with them rather than throwing toys all over the house with no purpose. I guess we can try what the specialists say, which is to limit the toys.
Its hard when you have such radically different children at developmental stages who both need the same kind of care and attention. Its even harder with little support for you as a mom.
If you love some one unconditionally and with your whole heart, than you will do what is best for them not you.....
(That's what "love" is....not hugs and kisses.)
Bath Time is a blast...they love it. Noah was hesitant at first and now it's his favorite time. Jack thinks its fun and even hands me his hands and feet to wash. They especially love when I rinse by pouring the water over their heads !
Brushing our Teeth...or better known as ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (make toothbrush motion with hand). Jack imitates this to a tee and Noah makes the ahhhhhhh sound. Noah can fight a bit on the actual reason we are brushing, which is not to eat the toothbrush, but it gets done.
Jack will let me brush every single tooth without issue (thank god) and loves to rinse !
We are working on the spitting out, but we aren't there yet. Oh well...small steps.
Eating.......well- let's just not go there right now.
The boys LOVE to be outside and I can't blame them for that. They got so little chance for it in Russia between the snow and all the rules of what they can and can't do. Besides, who the heck stands stuffed animals in the snow? and Why?
ok, ok, I'll stop. But they are playing with their outside wagons, picking up rocks, digging in the dirt and being generally boys.
When we do go the playground, the swings and the slides are their favorite parts. Mine too !
The stress is a lot. Some days are good, some are bad, some are better and some are worse. But we take them one day at a time and pray they will all get good soon.
Sadly there are a few people in our lives we have had to shut the door on because they are the ones that believe everything is fixed with "love". HA ! I was under that impression too, then I was struck into reality.
Love helps in nuture and nature, but it doesn't help PTSD, RAD, FAS, etc...and all the gamut of issues these children have been exposed to and have the potential for.
I pray that we keep collecting "good" memories, but I am very sad to have to "shut" people out of my life when a support network is the most important thing a person needs right now.
On another happy note, the boys are sleeping well at night. Very few "wake ups" and usually just for a few minutes. I do thinkk it helps that they are in their room together, although we did seperate them in bed now.
Jack kept waking Noah up for no reason. He felt "I'm awake, everyone should be awake.." and that method wasn't working, so Jack Jack got his own bed early.
Rain tomorrow and Friday, so we will have to find some indoor activities. I have removed 50% of their toys, in hopes that we can start to concentrate on a few things and play with them rather than throwing toys all over the house with no purpose. I guess we can try what the specialists say, which is to limit the toys.
Its hard when you have such radically different children at developmental stages who both need the same kind of care and attention. Its even harder with little support for you as a mom.
If you love some one unconditionally and with your whole heart, than you will do what is best for them not you.....
(That's what "love" is....not hugs and kisses.)
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Beware the Ides of March...........
I am up since 2:30am, battling strep throat and sadness. It was a tough few weeks with Noah's new hunger strike. I took the antibiotic and pain med with Codeine in it but the narcotic seems to have the adverse affect- here I am day 2 wide awake in the middle of the night !.....
So here we are, about 5- 6weeks into parenthood and being a family. Some things are going well - others not so much. But It is what we expected I suppose and we are trying to do what we can. Patience was never one of my strongest suits.
Noah, who came home as the best eater I have ever seen. Ate more than his brother and in some cases more than me also. A day after we returned from CHOP (just to give a timeline) Feb 18, he just stopped eating. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I have run the gamut of guilt, sadness and anger because the doctors are stressing how important it is for him to put on weight.
We went to his pediatrician and he gave him an antibiotic for an ear infection and some respiratory stuff- hoping in 2-3 days he would eat again and it was just that he didn't feel well. No Luck. HE said give it 2-3 days. He is subsiding on Ensure Plus (upgraded from Pediasure due to the extra calories). He will take a yogurt, 1/2 PC cheese, or some mashed Gerber fruit. That's it.
He was getting better wit the food hoarding in his mouth and now has regressed back to that again. He still does not like to chew anything (didn't from day one either).
I called CHOP in Mays Landing to get in with a GI, Nutrition Specialist and see where we can go from here.
I have researched eating disorders and it it sounds a lot life FAED "Food Avoidance Eating Disorder" and it stems from Depression or anxiety. Although I don't really see signs of depression, I can see some anxiety.
Just the anxiety of getting thru a meal is exhausting, sad and daunting for mom...I am sure it is for him too.
It's been hard. Jack has been eating - although with the occasional get in the mood not to. I really don't worry about the once or twice he doesn't want to eat, b/c over all he eats well. He is bonding well too, althought he still gets jealous when I show Noah attention. Sibling rivalry is gonna be expected though.
I am back to limited Grandparents visits. They are not following the rules and it is very upsetting. I cannot accept that they are just Old and Don't get it, and I won't accept it. Unfortunately they have to be banned from the home until they decided to "get it". The stress is really getting to me from outsiders and the judgers that think they know all about PI (Post Institutional) children b/c they popped out and raised a few bio kids of their own.
I feel very disrespected by those that won't abide or want to judge. They are a select few, but they are there none the less and when they are supposed to be close to you it hurts more. The disrepect is that I could not possibly know what I am talking about and that the books, therapists, and specialists have nothing to do with it.
This is a time where we APs are overwhelmed, questioning everything, trying to bond and be loved, trying to communicate, and trying to become a family. Some ignornant, uneducated, disrespectful people make comments about our methods, tactics, or rules are unwarranted, unwelcome and frankly just plain selfish and mean.
Comments from people who spend very little time with me or my boys, even though everyone was told they can come over just follow the rules....amazing how that group thinned out.
I have beat myself up mentally, I am emotionally and physically exhausted from trying every single method to get Noah to eat--seriously...NAME IT, I TRIED IT !!!
Over 2 Weeks......Researched every web site, talked to parents, talked to doctors, tried 1) Ignore 2) plead/ make 7 different foods 3) leave him in booster 4) rewards 5) remove rewards (punishment) 6) forced 7) back to ignore and give in. --AGAIN...name the method-- nothing. And for those who want to offer the advice for the 10th time...he hates McDonalds and won't drink Milkshakes either. Believe me I have tried even though I have been told 50x that it works...nothing. Jack Gobbled it - Noah could not be bothered.
So Joe and I are fairly convinced that this is why he is so small and underweight. We believe he did this in the Baby home as well, but they are obviously just gonna put in him the hospital when he gets sick (which he did many times) and not gonna spend $3 bottle on Ensure to get him to consume calories like we are trying to.
On Another note: He sleeps, He plays...No communication or even an attempt at a communication. Hoping the EI helps, should start soon (waiting for the therapists to schedule 1st appt. )
We also are joining a study group with U oF DE for INTL ADOPTEDS children. Called "Parent Infant Care Taker Project" Helps with Social/Emotional Developement and/or Cognitive/Lang. Development.
It takes about 4-5 mo to go thru the study and they come to our home. We hope it helps, we are willing to give anything a try because family support just is not here for us with regards to these issues.
This is really really difficult, and I hope and pray that this will pass to. Unfortunately I don't see it getting better anywhere, anytime soon. It's been since about Feb 18th now...like a SWITCH...BOOM......CLICK, stopped eating. He already is microcephalic and this is making it even worse, which stresses me out so much more.
Wish the Parenting Experts would read about his medicals and PI kids before giving more unsolicited advice that focuses mainly on "it must be you".
Thank you to all the AP that I know will respond and understand...and to my true friends that are there to simply support me and not judge me.
Glad I could get this off my chest and Please pray that this gets better and Noah decides he wants to eat someday, or al least drink 3 full Ensures a day without a battle.
To all the Parents that have never adopted a child internationally.........you don't know everything there is to know and NO--these are not just "normal" children that need to be treated as such. Again if you can't understand it then just respect it without judging.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
So here we are, about 5- 6weeks into parenthood and being a family. Some things are going well - others not so much. But It is what we expected I suppose and we are trying to do what we can. Patience was never one of my strongest suits.
Noah, who came home as the best eater I have ever seen. Ate more than his brother and in some cases more than me also. A day after we returned from CHOP (just to give a timeline) Feb 18, he just stopped eating. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. I have run the gamut of guilt, sadness and anger because the doctors are stressing how important it is for him to put on weight.
We went to his pediatrician and he gave him an antibiotic for an ear infection and some respiratory stuff- hoping in 2-3 days he would eat again and it was just that he didn't feel well. No Luck. HE said give it 2-3 days. He is subsiding on Ensure Plus (upgraded from Pediasure due to the extra calories). He will take a yogurt, 1/2 PC cheese, or some mashed Gerber fruit. That's it.
He was getting better wit the food hoarding in his mouth and now has regressed back to that again. He still does not like to chew anything (didn't from day one either).
I called CHOP in Mays Landing to get in with a GI, Nutrition Specialist and see where we can go from here.
I have researched eating disorders and it it sounds a lot life FAED "Food Avoidance Eating Disorder" and it stems from Depression or anxiety. Although I don't really see signs of depression, I can see some anxiety.
Just the anxiety of getting thru a meal is exhausting, sad and daunting for mom...I am sure it is for him too.
It's been hard. Jack has been eating - although with the occasional get in the mood not to. I really don't worry about the once or twice he doesn't want to eat, b/c over all he eats well. He is bonding well too, althought he still gets jealous when I show Noah attention. Sibling rivalry is gonna be expected though.
I am back to limited Grandparents visits. They are not following the rules and it is very upsetting. I cannot accept that they are just Old and Don't get it, and I won't accept it. Unfortunately they have to be banned from the home until they decided to "get it". The stress is really getting to me from outsiders and the judgers that think they know all about PI (Post Institutional) children b/c they popped out and raised a few bio kids of their own.
I feel very disrespected by those that won't abide or want to judge. They are a select few, but they are there none the less and when they are supposed to be close to you it hurts more. The disrepect is that I could not possibly know what I am talking about and that the books, therapists, and specialists have nothing to do with it.
This is a time where we APs are overwhelmed, questioning everything, trying to bond and be loved, trying to communicate, and trying to become a family. Some ignornant, uneducated, disrespectful people make comments about our methods, tactics, or rules are unwarranted, unwelcome and frankly just plain selfish and mean.
Comments from people who spend very little time with me or my boys, even though everyone was told they can come over just follow the rules....amazing how that group thinned out.
I have beat myself up mentally, I am emotionally and physically exhausted from trying every single method to get Noah to eat--seriously...NAME IT, I TRIED IT !!!
Over 2 Weeks......Researched every web site, talked to parents, talked to doctors, tried 1) Ignore 2) plead/ make 7 different foods 3) leave him in booster 4) rewards 5) remove rewards (punishment) 6) forced 7) back to ignore and give in. --AGAIN...name the method-- nothing. And for those who want to offer the advice for the 10th time...he hates McDonalds and won't drink Milkshakes either. Believe me I have tried even though I have been told 50x that it works...nothing. Jack Gobbled it - Noah could not be bothered.
So Joe and I are fairly convinced that this is why he is so small and underweight. We believe he did this in the Baby home as well, but they are obviously just gonna put in him the hospital when he gets sick (which he did many times) and not gonna spend $3 bottle on Ensure to get him to consume calories like we are trying to.
On Another note: He sleeps, He plays...No communication or even an attempt at a communication. Hoping the EI helps, should start soon (waiting for the therapists to schedule 1st appt. )
We also are joining a study group with U oF DE for INTL ADOPTEDS children. Called "Parent Infant Care Taker Project" Helps with Social/Emotional Developement and/or Cognitive/Lang. Development.
It takes about 4-5 mo to go thru the study and they come to our home. We hope it helps, we are willing to give anything a try because family support just is not here for us with regards to these issues.
This is really really difficult, and I hope and pray that this will pass to. Unfortunately I don't see it getting better anywhere, anytime soon. It's been since about Feb 18th now...like a SWITCH...BOOM......CLICK, stopped eating. He already is microcephalic and this is making it even worse, which stresses me out so much more.
Wish the Parenting Experts would read about his medicals and PI kids before giving more unsolicited advice that focuses mainly on "it must be you".
Thank you to all the AP that I know will respond and understand...and to my true friends that are there to simply support me and not judge me.
Glad I could get this off my chest and Please pray that this gets better and Noah decides he wants to eat someday, or al least drink 3 full Ensures a day without a battle.
To all the Parents that have never adopted a child internationally.........you don't know everything there is to know and NO--these are not just "normal" children that need to be treated as such. Again if you can't understand it then just respect it without judging.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Evaluations.....and Criticisms !
After adoption every one seems to ask the same questions; would you do it again, who did you use, were you happy with the agency, why Russia etc.
Well here are a few evaluations of the entire process.
Russia is becoming more and more difficult to adopt from, this is sad because there are wonderful children there that need loving homes. Yekaterinburg, where we were assigned to is a nightmare with paperwork; and sadly the children are great, but agencies and parents shy away because of the expense and the wait time.
We used Frank Adoption Agency in Raleigh NC. They were very courteous and professional from start to finish. One thing about ALL agencies in the USA, remember --this is about money. Regardless what ANYONE actually says, it is still a business. That isn't a bad thing, just a fact thing.
The team in Yekaterinburg that worked with Frank was fantastic. Lydia, Olga and Yuri could not have been more professional, fun and loving. Irina and Olga the court translator and Rennie and Larissa were great people too. These were people that were from the baby home side that we worked with in court.
Moscow--well what can I say about Moscow...I didn't like it nor the team that was there.
After being stranded there for 4 days and the Moscow Frank team could have cared less. That was a very disheartening part. The team in Ekat would actually call me to check on me and see if we were OK, but the people in Moscow that worked for the same agency could not be bothered with our dilemma. That upset me that an agency would leave people stranded without any help in a foreign country.
The travel agency was not a big help either. For the fees that were charged I would have been better off doing the booking myself.
I am STILL trying to get a refund for unused tickets on Aeroflot and it cost us $3k to get home.
This left more bitterness in my heart for a country that I don't feel cares about its kids as much as they like to profess. If they cared, then get them OUT of the orphanage and into people's homes and stop worrying about parents medicals re done every 3 months. A waste of time and money and resources; that's the communist mentality not the majority mentality. It is all bureaucracy and money...don't let anything fool you that it isn't.
Frank int he states did their job as they were supposed to. I think they could have know the Russian side a little better, but that didn't make them bad by any means. They were honest and up front and always professional. I really cannot say that anything would have been better or worse with another agency.
Every other adoptive family I worked with seems to have some complaint about their agency, it's the nature of the business. It is a very emotional business for the client and a very business business for the agency.
1) Would I do it again?? : NEVER---I love my boys and I am very happy we received two children so they grow up with a sibling, but I give kudos to people that do this 3-4 times in Russia. I don't have that patience, money and tactfulness to do it once more and keep my mouth shut !
2) Were we happy with Frank Adoption Center: Overall, yes we were happy with Frank and IF we ever did it again would probably use them. I hope that they branch into other countries and areas soon because Russia is quickly becoming a sad reality for many families. The costs are skyrocketing, the wait times and the paperwork is getting worse and the demands are unrealistic for a lot.
3) Why Russia: Well, read my earlier posts for that one. But Here is the Reality about Russia---love me or hate for what I am about to say-- but it is my freedom.
It is where my boys were born and for that reason and only that reason I will show them respect. For what the court systems are doing to these 750,000 orphans in their country--for that they deserve no respect.
Although they are trying to expand foster care, which is a great idea in any country, the orphanages are still institutions and that is somewhere that children DO NOT belong. The whole thing about keeping them on the registry for 8 months before they can be adopted internationally---that needs to be ABOLISHED !
Children need OUT of these institutions and WHO CARES who takes them, as long as they are qualified and loving. The PRIDE has got to stop when it comes to caring for these babies !
If the issues these children have, that are so loud and blatant about Post Institutionalized children does not change it, then it is up to US as a society of civilized people to change it ! We care about freedom in Egypt, democracy in Iraq, rebuilding Haiti, but there are millions of orphans everywhere that want families and thousands of families that want children.....hello---this is NOT rocket science people !
We care about parental rights, country rights, but what about the Child's RIGHTS ??!! Don't they have rights too? A family, a home, siblings, an education. One mother I know in Italy has been waiting 17 months for a COURT DATE....this is unacceptable. Meanwhile, her adoptive son's issues could get worse and worse in an institution because of paperwork and a judge.
They want my children to keep their citizenship, well that will be up to my children. As far as I'm concerned, their country left them in an institution for 14 months too long. They were 11 months old when we got their paperwork and 25 months old when they got home to America.....Is this really really necessary????
I know I am ranting now......but I want people to know and this is the only way to tell the world that I know.
Many Adoptive parents are just so happy to be home, they let all the hurt and pain go. Well I cannot sit back and watch other families continue to suffer and wait because of misdirected pride !
Everyone made such a BIG HUGE deal over Artem, the 7 year that was sent back to Russia. Why aren't we making that SAME big deal over the tens of thousands of babies left there while families are waiting !!
OK-- I vented- that will be it for my evaluations and criticisms for now. The rest of this blog will be about
my boys and how great they are and how they are growing and learning everyday.
I thank you Frank Adoption and Yekaterinburg Russia for my children. They too will thank you some day for allow them the chance that they deserve !
“There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.”
– The National Adoption Center
Well here are a few evaluations of the entire process.
Russia is becoming more and more difficult to adopt from, this is sad because there are wonderful children there that need loving homes. Yekaterinburg, where we were assigned to is a nightmare with paperwork; and sadly the children are great, but agencies and parents shy away because of the expense and the wait time.
We used Frank Adoption Agency in Raleigh NC. They were very courteous and professional from start to finish. One thing about ALL agencies in the USA, remember --this is about money. Regardless what ANYONE actually says, it is still a business. That isn't a bad thing, just a fact thing.
The team in Yekaterinburg that worked with Frank was fantastic. Lydia, Olga and Yuri could not have been more professional, fun and loving. Irina and Olga the court translator and Rennie and Larissa were great people too. These were people that were from the baby home side that we worked with in court.
Moscow--well what can I say about Moscow...I didn't like it nor the team that was there.
After being stranded there for 4 days and the Moscow Frank team could have cared less. That was a very disheartening part. The team in Ekat would actually call me to check on me and see if we were OK, but the people in Moscow that worked for the same agency could not be bothered with our dilemma. That upset me that an agency would leave people stranded without any help in a foreign country.
The travel agency was not a big help either. For the fees that were charged I would have been better off doing the booking myself.
I am STILL trying to get a refund for unused tickets on Aeroflot and it cost us $3k to get home.
This left more bitterness in my heart for a country that I don't feel cares about its kids as much as they like to profess. If they cared, then get them OUT of the orphanage and into people's homes and stop worrying about parents medicals re done every 3 months. A waste of time and money and resources; that's the communist mentality not the majority mentality. It is all bureaucracy and money...don't let anything fool you that it isn't.
Frank int he states did their job as they were supposed to. I think they could have know the Russian side a little better, but that didn't make them bad by any means. They were honest and up front and always professional. I really cannot say that anything would have been better or worse with another agency.
Every other adoptive family I worked with seems to have some complaint about their agency, it's the nature of the business. It is a very emotional business for the client and a very business business for the agency.
1) Would I do it again?? : NEVER---I love my boys and I am very happy we received two children so they grow up with a sibling, but I give kudos to people that do this 3-4 times in Russia. I don't have that patience, money and tactfulness to do it once more and keep my mouth shut !
2) Were we happy with Frank Adoption Center: Overall, yes we were happy with Frank and IF we ever did it again would probably use them. I hope that they branch into other countries and areas soon because Russia is quickly becoming a sad reality for many families. The costs are skyrocketing, the wait times and the paperwork is getting worse and the demands are unrealistic for a lot.
3) Why Russia: Well, read my earlier posts for that one. But Here is the Reality about Russia---love me or hate for what I am about to say-- but it is my freedom.
It is where my boys were born and for that reason and only that reason I will show them respect. For what the court systems are doing to these 750,000 orphans in their country--for that they deserve no respect.
Although they are trying to expand foster care, which is a great idea in any country, the orphanages are still institutions and that is somewhere that children DO NOT belong. The whole thing about keeping them on the registry for 8 months before they can be adopted internationally---that needs to be ABOLISHED !
Children need OUT of these institutions and WHO CARES who takes them, as long as they are qualified and loving. The PRIDE has got to stop when it comes to caring for these babies !
If the issues these children have, that are so loud and blatant about Post Institutionalized children does not change it, then it is up to US as a society of civilized people to change it ! We care about freedom in Egypt, democracy in Iraq, rebuilding Haiti, but there are millions of orphans everywhere that want families and thousands of families that want children.....hello---this is NOT rocket science people !
We care about parental rights, country rights, but what about the Child's RIGHTS ??!! Don't they have rights too? A family, a home, siblings, an education. One mother I know in Italy has been waiting 17 months for a COURT DATE....this is unacceptable. Meanwhile, her adoptive son's issues could get worse and worse in an institution because of paperwork and a judge.
They want my children to keep their citizenship, well that will be up to my children. As far as I'm concerned, their country left them in an institution for 14 months too long. They were 11 months old when we got their paperwork and 25 months old when they got home to America.....Is this really really necessary????
I know I am ranting now......but I want people to know and this is the only way to tell the world that I know.
Many Adoptive parents are just so happy to be home, they let all the hurt and pain go. Well I cannot sit back and watch other families continue to suffer and wait because of misdirected pride !
Everyone made such a BIG HUGE deal over Artem, the 7 year that was sent back to Russia. Why aren't we making that SAME big deal over the tens of thousands of babies left there while families are waiting !!
OK-- I vented- that will be it for my evaluations and criticisms for now. The rest of this blog will be about
my boys and how great they are and how they are growing and learning everyday.
I thank you Frank Adoption and Yekaterinburg Russia for my children. They too will thank you some day for allow them the chance that they deserve !
“There are no unwanted children, just unfound families.”
– The National Adoption Center
From the mouth of babes..........
Hi Everyone ! Mama has been writing this blog for a long time, so we thought it was about time to give her a break and we would give you some of our thoughts and feelings !
First- wow, what a ride ! A big giant airplane and something we heard them call "business class"; whatever this business was, we liked it ! We lounged in our chairs, watched movies, slept, ate and played with all the people on the airplane. It was really neat ! We never realized that life outside our baby home was this exciting ! We stayed in hotels, flew to Moscow and ate in fancy restaurants ! We even took a quick trip to Red Square...not sure what that is, but it was cold !
Now here we are landing on what Mama is saying is US soil. Not sure what that means, but we are all smiling and Mama is crying with a smile on her face. She hugged us and said "You're Americans now babies !". I guess this is a great thing, we will find out soon enough !
A BIG black car picked us up and we drove to what Mama said was gonna be our home. We slept most of the way, we were exhausted ! When we finally arrived we stared wide eyed at these two BIG dogs that came and licked our entire faces ! Wow, We never saw such beasts that didn't want to eat us !
Then the hugs and kisses from all these new people. Someone named Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Kath and Bryce and Ray. Someday we will know who all these people are, but this night we were just exhausted !
Mama and Papa brought us to our new bedroom. Wow- It was nice, a BIG giant bed for us, a TV, a closet all our own and books and stuffed animals everywhere. Two Giant sea turtles stared down at us from a painting on the wall, that was neat too !
This has been a whirl wind of a week for us. We became Americans, we got a new home and now we are a family. This is all gonna take some figuring out on our part ! I know that we have each other as brothers, not sure what that means yet, but I know that we already are used to each other; even if we fight every now ad then.
Mama is showering us with kisses and hugs and Bath time is so much fun now !!
We will keep you posted on how we are doing, but here we are a month after we left Russia and so far so good. We like it here - even if there are rules to follow !
First- wow, what a ride ! A big giant airplane and something we heard them call "business class"; whatever this business was, we liked it ! We lounged in our chairs, watched movies, slept, ate and played with all the people on the airplane. It was really neat ! We never realized that life outside our baby home was this exciting ! We stayed in hotels, flew to Moscow and ate in fancy restaurants ! We even took a quick trip to Red Square...not sure what that is, but it was cold !
Now here we are landing on what Mama is saying is US soil. Not sure what that means, but we are all smiling and Mama is crying with a smile on her face. She hugged us and said "You're Americans now babies !". I guess this is a great thing, we will find out soon enough !
A BIG black car picked us up and we drove to what Mama said was gonna be our home. We slept most of the way, we were exhausted ! When we finally arrived we stared wide eyed at these two BIG dogs that came and licked our entire faces ! Wow, We never saw such beasts that didn't want to eat us !
Then the hugs and kisses from all these new people. Someone named Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Kath and Bryce and Ray. Someday we will know who all these people are, but this night we were just exhausted !
Mama and Papa brought us to our new bedroom. Wow- It was nice, a BIG giant bed for us, a TV, a closet all our own and books and stuffed animals everywhere. Two Giant sea turtles stared down at us from a painting on the wall, that was neat too !
This has been a whirl wind of a week for us. We became Americans, we got a new home and now we are a family. This is all gonna take some figuring out on our part ! I know that we have each other as brothers, not sure what that means yet, but I know that we already are used to each other; even if we fight every now ad then.
Mama is showering us with kisses and hugs and Bath time is so much fun now !!
We will keep you posted on how we are doing, but here we are a month after we left Russia and so far so good. We like it here - even if there are rules to follow !
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Letter from Jack and Noah
Letter from Jack and Noah
Dear Family and Friends:
It's been a crazy few weeks ~ so many new things to see, people to meet and places I never knew even existed. It's been a lot to take in but we think we are handling it all pretty well -- at least that is what our Mama and Papa think.
The purpose of this note is to fill you in on a few things that make our situation different than perhaps that of someone who was born into this family from the beginning. You see, we have always been with lots of other kids our age and we always had many ladies taking care of us. The ladies did their best but 12-15 kids at one time can be a lot for anyone. They washed, dressed, and fed us, but it was their job to do these things. A person can only do so much. We didn't get the cuddles, massages, kisses and touches that other children might get from their mamas and papas; and really -- we don't know or understand yet what it's like to be loved.
Up until this past year, a Mama was any lady and a Papa was any man. That's probably why we all call out "Mama", "Papa" when we see people walking through the orphanage yard. We hear the ladies that care for us, tell other kids that Mama and Papa are coming, so that’s why we think they are all mamas and papas. Up until recently, we have been introduced to our real Mama and my Papa and now the meaning of those names changes. We didn’t even know or realize that we were brothers before they came to visit us.
Before they picked us up on January 17, they visited us almost every day for 2 weeks and a few times before that as well (frankly we were too young to even remember the first visit). They were great playmates and we loved spending time with them in the music room. Since the 17th of January, though, things have changed. They now do everything for us that the ladies used to do ~ plus a whole lot more. They hug us, kiss us, and tell us "Ya tibya loo bloo" (I love you) all the time. This is very foreign to us ~ but we really like it.
This is a very critical time for us as a family. We have to learn what a true "Mama" and "Papa" means ~ and who they are to us. We even have to learn what it is to have a brother, or what a brother is. We need time to attach and bond as a family since we missed out on the first 24 months of our life here on earth. We are trying to understand we have been a “family” for only one month and many people have seen us and given us great “stuff” , but we got a little dazed and confused by all the attention. Even Grandma and Grandpa are great, but we need a little more time to understand who we all are. Having said that, we're all going to try and follow a few guidelines for kids who find a forever family just like we did.
1) Our world is going to be small for a while. On the first night here, we got to meet our grandparents and Aunt Kath and her family, but that was a crazy day! Meeting a ton of people at the airport and on the plane was really neat, but exhausting. For the past three weeks friends and family poured in to welcome us, and we are very thankful ; but right now we need this downtime for just a little bit. We'll start venturing out soon to see people slowly so please be patient with us.
2) We need everyone to know that in order for us to fully understand the roles of my Mama and Papa, all caregiving aspects should only be performed by them. By that we mean -- feeding us, changing us , dressing us, holding us, soothing us if we cry or get hurt, cuddling us, kissing us, and putting us to bed ~~ any and all of these activities should only be done by our Mama and Papa. That doesn't mean we can't play because of course we can! But if we are hungry or start crying, simply take our hand and lead us to Mama and/or Papa. Others holding and soothing one of us will only confuse us so please don't take it personal ~ this is just temporary while we still get to know each other as a family. We’ve never known what it was to have a family so it will take a little while for us to sort it all out.
3) We are used to living in a very structured setting back in Russia. Here at home now, Mama and Papa are trying to make each day very structured, too, to help with the transition and all the changes we are experiencing. We have lots of rules and that’s what we are used to and we understand. We would appreciate it if you called first before coming over just so we can be sure it's a good time. Please understand if we tell you it isn’t a good time, don’t take it personally.
4) Mama is home with us every day (Papa works hard to give us great things !) and she could always use a quick note, email or call to tell her you are thinking about her. Remember, we are learning to love Mama and something that can be a very exasperating thing for someone who works so hard for us every day. We went from nothing one day, to all of us being a family overnight- there was no transition time for Mama and Papa to learn who we are as infants and for us to bond with them as parents (I think you call it “The Honeymoon”.)
5) We don’t speak English yet – they obviously never taught us that in Russia; but with Mama and Papa’s help we are learning everything very fast and eventually talking up a storm ! It can be exhausting to them and us, but with time and love we are all learning many languages (hugs, kisses, and even ‘time out’ !)
6) We ask that you keep us in your prayers. Our union as a family is a dream come true for all of us. But we all have so much to learn about life and living together and we definitely believe in the power of prayer and patience!
Thank you for your never-ending support and concern during this long journey. Mama says that she has received so many wonderful gifts and well wishes for us all; and she is trying to respond to each one individually- but we take up a lot of her time ! And thank-you to everyone who has posted on our blog www.angelswaiting.blogspot.com. Mama says she will update more and more as her time gets more free.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask my Mama and she'll do her best to answer them for you.
Paka-Paka and Spasiba!
~Jack and Noah Di Eduardo
P.S. A Special Thank You to Laura Deary, a wonderful support shoulder and fellow Adoptive Mama to Kristina
Adoptive Parents are a very special group that understand and empathize with the efforts, trials and tribulations that each of us are experiencing. They can are overwhelming and we know each week brings a new experience and an calmer method of coping. These are by far the greatest group of people I have ever met ; not because most people think we(adoptive parents) did something wonderful and decent, but because we truly know it is our children that have done the wonderful and decent for us as people.
Dear Family and Friends:
It's been a crazy few weeks ~ so many new things to see, people to meet and places I never knew even existed. It's been a lot to take in but we think we are handling it all pretty well -- at least that is what our Mama and Papa think.
The purpose of this note is to fill you in on a few things that make our situation different than perhaps that of someone who was born into this family from the beginning. You see, we have always been with lots of other kids our age and we always had many ladies taking care of us. The ladies did their best but 12-15 kids at one time can be a lot for anyone. They washed, dressed, and fed us, but it was their job to do these things. A person can only do so much. We didn't get the cuddles, massages, kisses and touches that other children might get from their mamas and papas; and really -- we don't know or understand yet what it's like to be loved.
Up until this past year, a Mama was any lady and a Papa was any man. That's probably why we all call out "Mama", "Papa" when we see people walking through the orphanage yard. We hear the ladies that care for us, tell other kids that Mama and Papa are coming, so that’s why we think they are all mamas and papas. Up until recently, we have been introduced to our real Mama and my Papa and now the meaning of those names changes. We didn’t even know or realize that we were brothers before they came to visit us.
Before they picked us up on January 17, they visited us almost every day for 2 weeks and a few times before that as well (frankly we were too young to even remember the first visit). They were great playmates and we loved spending time with them in the music room. Since the 17th of January, though, things have changed. They now do everything for us that the ladies used to do ~ plus a whole lot more. They hug us, kiss us, and tell us "Ya tibya loo bloo" (I love you) all the time. This is very foreign to us ~ but we really like it.
This is a very critical time for us as a family. We have to learn what a true "Mama" and "Papa" means ~ and who they are to us. We even have to learn what it is to have a brother, or what a brother is. We need time to attach and bond as a family since we missed out on the first 24 months of our life here on earth. We are trying to understand we have been a “family” for only one month and many people have seen us and given us great “stuff” , but we got a little dazed and confused by all the attention. Even Grandma and Grandpa are great, but we need a little more time to understand who we all are. Having said that, we're all going to try and follow a few guidelines for kids who find a forever family just like we did.
1) Our world is going to be small for a while. On the first night here, we got to meet our grandparents and Aunt Kath and her family, but that was a crazy day! Meeting a ton of people at the airport and on the plane was really neat, but exhausting. For the past three weeks friends and family poured in to welcome us, and we are very thankful ; but right now we need this downtime for just a little bit. We'll start venturing out soon to see people slowly so please be patient with us.
2) We need everyone to know that in order for us to fully understand the roles of my Mama and Papa, all caregiving aspects should only be performed by them. By that we mean -- feeding us, changing us , dressing us, holding us, soothing us if we cry or get hurt, cuddling us, kissing us, and putting us to bed ~~ any and all of these activities should only be done by our Mama and Papa. That doesn't mean we can't play because of course we can! But if we are hungry or start crying, simply take our hand and lead us to Mama and/or Papa. Others holding and soothing one of us will only confuse us so please don't take it personal ~ this is just temporary while we still get to know each other as a family. We’ve never known what it was to have a family so it will take a little while for us to sort it all out.
3) We are used to living in a very structured setting back in Russia. Here at home now, Mama and Papa are trying to make each day very structured, too, to help with the transition and all the changes we are experiencing. We have lots of rules and that’s what we are used to and we understand. We would appreciate it if you called first before coming over just so we can be sure it's a good time. Please understand if we tell you it isn’t a good time, don’t take it personally.
4) Mama is home with us every day (Papa works hard to give us great things !) and she could always use a quick note, email or call to tell her you are thinking about her. Remember, we are learning to love Mama and something that can be a very exasperating thing for someone who works so hard for us every day. We went from nothing one day, to all of us being a family overnight- there was no transition time for Mama and Papa to learn who we are as infants and for us to bond with them as parents (I think you call it “The Honeymoon”.)
5) We don’t speak English yet – they obviously never taught us that in Russia; but with Mama and Papa’s help we are learning everything very fast and eventually talking up a storm ! It can be exhausting to them and us, but with time and love we are all learning many languages (hugs, kisses, and even ‘time out’ !)
6) We ask that you keep us in your prayers. Our union as a family is a dream come true for all of us. But we all have so much to learn about life and living together and we definitely believe in the power of prayer and patience!
Thank you for your never-ending support and concern during this long journey. Mama says that she has received so many wonderful gifts and well wishes for us all; and she is trying to respond to each one individually- but we take up a lot of her time ! And thank-you to everyone who has posted on our blog www.angelswaiting.blogspot.com. Mama says she will update more and more as her time gets more free.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask my Mama and she'll do her best to answer them for you.
Paka-Paka and Spasiba!
~Jack and Noah Di Eduardo
P.S. A Special Thank You to Laura Deary, a wonderful support shoulder and fellow Adoptive Mama to Kristina
Adoptive Parents are a very special group that understand and empathize with the efforts, trials and tribulations that each of us are experiencing. They can are overwhelming and we know each week brings a new experience and an calmer method of coping. These are by far the greatest group of people I have ever met ; not because most people think we(adoptive parents) did something wonderful and decent, but because we truly know it is our children that have done the wonderful and decent for us as people.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
January 17, 2011 Final Return to Russia !!!
I know its been a while since I have written anything on here and I apologize, so I am going to try to back track my blog entries to keep them all chronological for everyone reading.
We head back to Russia on Jan. 15 departure, this time on United Airlines. (yes we are STILL trying to get a refund from Aeroflot!) . The return trip was pretty uneventful, for once, and we arrive with all the connections in Yekaterinburg on January 16 at 800pm.
Seeing Yuri and Lydia and for the last time was bitter sweet, we were happy to be done, but there were people we would miss. They are certainly two of them !
Arriving at the Park Inn was like arriving home after a two week trip. Everything was already prepared for us, crib, extra towels, extra pillows, etc. Everyone greeted us and they were so happy to see us again, although sad that this would be our last trip.
We settled into our room, went downstairs for a night cap (we find ourselves drinking more since embarking on the adoption road) and relaxed a bit. The next morning we would pick up our children for the last time.
Everything was pretty easy in Yekaterinburg; Olga and Lydia had prepared everything for our arrival. We were also kind of glad we waited for Lydia to return from her London vacation; we would have missed her if we came on the 10th.
The boys ran to us when we arrived in their room for the last time ! They was so encouraging. We watched so many families enter the music room and change their children's clothes for the trip home. I watched with tears every time it happened, knowing that soon it would be our turn. Now here we were, and another family watched us with the same heavy heart we have all carried.
The boys were eager to leave with us, which was encouraging. They kissed all the care takers goodbye and hugs were given all around. We waved good bye to the orphanage for the last time. Again, bitter sweet; great memories, but there were better ones ahead.
The boys were so curious they had no fear of leaving and going to hotel. This was just one big adventure to them and they were willing and happy participants. The hotel was a great place to embark on new adventures. Eating in a restaurant for the first time, sleeping in a King sized bed with Mama, bathing in a nice bathroom with heated floors. Things we take for granted everyday, they were just knowing.
Anatoly and Maria met us that afternoon to get a bag full of gifts we brought them from the US and some stuff that Carol and Richard sent as well. They gave the boys Park Inn stuffed bears, which they still sleep with to this day ! We were catered to in Ekat and we will never forget the people that made us always feel at home in Siberia ! It was cold outside, but we were always warm with smiles inside !
The 18th we departed for Moscow for a 3 day journey to citizenship (turned out to be 4, but that will come later). We were met by who we thought was Jane and found out was Tanya and the drive Vladimir. They were cordial and polite, but they were NOT Yuri and Lydia !
We went to the Renaissance where we confirmed a family suite for the stay, just so we would be more comfortable with 4 people. There were many Americans and other nationalities there. Moscow was definitely a melting pot, much like NYC. We remembered when Dmitri told us that on our second trip.
Noah and Jack cuddled with Mama inn the King Sized bed, got Room Service for dinner that night and watched TV on a big screen. Wow, I would be excited and they were too. They had a blast. The next morning we would be woken at 6a for the visit with the Embassy Doctor. A very nice man in his 50's and very down to earth. A quick visit with two groggy kids, but they quickly woke and began to play with him and his stethoscope.
After the visit we waited for Tanya to fill out paperwork. Wednesday would be our day to do what we wanted while she went to the embassy for our appointments. Around 1pm we asked the concierge to get us a cab to take us to Red Square. It would be a shame to come all this way and not even see it.
Even though it was -27 degrees in Yekaterinburg, it was actually colder in Moscow. The wind was crazy bitter.
We got to Red Square and were dropped across the street by the cab, who was to return in 2 hours to pick us up at the same location. Well who ever thought that just getting across the street to Red Square would be such an adventure. First, whoever thought that Moscow is such a BIG city that there are people that speak English, WRONG !!! There were more English speakers in Ekat and that's in Siberia (almost)!
So we watched and I noticed that no one was crossing the street here. I saw a staircase going underground with a big M, normally this would be a Metro station, which it probably was, but in this case it was also the way to get across the street. Who would thought ?!
So we carry the double stroller, with the kids in it, down the stairs. Not ADA friendly here either ! A nice lady helped with my diaper bag while Joe and I managed the Stroller. We looked like tourists, no doubt, but I have to say that the Russians are very courteous when it comes to children. (only children that is).
We maneuvered the underground, which is not easy in a double stroller. The doorways are as thin as the Russian women and we had to take the kids out of the stroller to get through them and try to carry the kids and the strollers and the diaper bag. We finally got to the other side and walked into Red Square.
It was impressive, the beautiful buildings with their minarets (not sure of spelling) at the top of assorted colors. The Kremlin with a wall around it the size of the Great Wall of China. People bundled up and cobblestone walkways.
We found a small stand and were able to buy two small Russian speaking mouse like animals called a "Cheburuska" (again, not sure of spelling). The children loved them, but we did not last long at Red Square. As we headed more into the wind, it bit at our faces and the children started crying. Noah wanted to walk, or should I say RUN, and Jack just wanted to be inside in his warm hotel room.
We made it a little while, about an hour, and most of that was trying to get across the street. Then we called the hotel and asked the concierge to call the cab driver to pick us up again. We made the trek back across the street and the crying children drew stares like we were a circus act.
Long story short...we went back to the warmth and comfort of the hotel, ordered room service and a nice bottle of wine for mom and dad and watched some movies before and after the kids went to bed. Tomorrow would be our trip to the US Embassy !
The Embassy was really the easiest part of the entire adoption. They talk about an exit interview, but honestly I don't even remember an interview. Some questions, yes, but is that what they call an interview. That part was easy. I heard some people say "oh, don't worry about the embassy...blah blah..." I would say that it is such a non issue, don't even think about it.
Of course the only time my boys decided to have a meltdown was in the embassy. Noah threw his cup across the room and broke the "unbreakable" sippy cup and Jack fell off the chair onto the hard floor. It was comical. Everyone was very amazed at our twins, and honestly we are still amazed every day.
We got all of our paperwork and instructions and waited for the next day when we could finally split this joint for good !!
Friday came and we gladly packed and readied ourselves and 2 toddlers for the 10.5 hour flight ahead.
The good thing was that we upgraded to Business Class....Best thing we EVER did !!
The bad news.....It seemed like a great flight. Two hours in and the kids fell asleep, mom and dad were watching movies and sipping wine and eating warm nuts. Then the pilot comes on........
"Ladies and gentlemen it seems we have a problem with the wing flaps and have to return to Moscow to repair it. We apologize and will let you know what is happening once we land. Please tighten your seatbelts as we will come in fast and hard."
REALLY??????!@#$^$(@%&@#$)%&
Are we just being held captive or do we really have the crapiest luck when it comes to flying???
We land back in Domodedovo, climb down the ice covered stairs on the tarmack, and get into another bus to bring us to the terminal. We won't be leaving today for the US. :(
At this point I could not get upset as we had the kids with us and I had to hold it together for them, but after the 4 day nightmare in Moscow on trip two,, I was SO DONE with this city and country !
Joe collected our luggage (at the EXACT spot where 31 people died 36 hours later from a terrorist attack---chilling) and I went to the only United counter ahead of the 200 passengers to secure our seats on the next day's flight. Luckily, because we were in Business Class we were automatically rebooked for Saturday's Flight. THANK GOD !! another great decision on my part !
United knew how to handle their customers, although I did have to get my Russian Attitude on with a few people that tried to push in front of me...not this time Natasha...BACK IT UP B !!!!
We got our flights, seats and luggage and our vouchers for the airport hotel. At least this stay wouldn't cost us $3000 like when Aeroflot stranded us. Yet ANOTHER reason to applaud the Americans !
We checked into another hotel. The boys were great. They went with the flow. no crying, no whining, nothing. The people were amazed at how well behaved they were. (honestly, so were we !)
I cried at one point, but my kids didn't !
We checked in to the hotel, got some dinner and some much needed sleep. Saturday we met all of our English comrades back in the Business Class line (what great people we met this trip) and we chatted while we played Groundhog day again. Re-check the boys' paperwork (as if we changed who they were from yesterday.) Recheck all the docs at passport control....again. But Security......non existent.
Joe and I made a few comments on how lax it was at Domodedovo and the bombing 36 hours later proved that one.
We finally boarded the plane and were truly headed for the USA this time ! We finished the glasses the wine, the boys were sleeping in their comfy chairs and mom and dad were trying to watch movies and chill out after a long and arduous journey that we would never ever repeat.....say for the kids of course.
We landed January 22, 2011 in Dulles Airport in Washington DC. The peace and glory to be on US soil with our children. Official US citizens...two more to add to the bunch of free people !
Our driver was waiting for us outside and I was never happier to get into a car and start our 3 hour drive from DC to Wildwood. Glad we booked the car instead of going to PHL for the connection; as it turned out, we would have missed our 5pm Cnx and the 10pm was delayed until 1am....Sometimes I am glad I am a planner and a thinker aheader !!
We arrive int he driveway at 9pm Saturday and Kathlyn, Grandparents, Bryce and Ray are there to meet us with decorations everywhere ! We were exhausted, but it was a good feeling !
We head back to Russia on Jan. 15 departure, this time on United Airlines. (yes we are STILL trying to get a refund from Aeroflot!) . The return trip was pretty uneventful, for once, and we arrive with all the connections in Yekaterinburg on January 16 at 800pm.
Seeing Yuri and Lydia and for the last time was bitter sweet, we were happy to be done, but there were people we would miss. They are certainly two of them !
Arriving at the Park Inn was like arriving home after a two week trip. Everything was already prepared for us, crib, extra towels, extra pillows, etc. Everyone greeted us and they were so happy to see us again, although sad that this would be our last trip.
We settled into our room, went downstairs for a night cap (we find ourselves drinking more since embarking on the adoption road) and relaxed a bit. The next morning we would pick up our children for the last time.
Everything was pretty easy in Yekaterinburg; Olga and Lydia had prepared everything for our arrival. We were also kind of glad we waited for Lydia to return from her London vacation; we would have missed her if we came on the 10th.
The boys ran to us when we arrived in their room for the last time ! They was so encouraging. We watched so many families enter the music room and change their children's clothes for the trip home. I watched with tears every time it happened, knowing that soon it would be our turn. Now here we were, and another family watched us with the same heavy heart we have all carried.
The boys were eager to leave with us, which was encouraging. They kissed all the care takers goodbye and hugs were given all around. We waved good bye to the orphanage for the last time. Again, bitter sweet; great memories, but there were better ones ahead.
The boys were so curious they had no fear of leaving and going to hotel. This was just one big adventure to them and they were willing and happy participants. The hotel was a great place to embark on new adventures. Eating in a restaurant for the first time, sleeping in a King sized bed with Mama, bathing in a nice bathroom with heated floors. Things we take for granted everyday, they were just knowing.
Anatoly and Maria met us that afternoon to get a bag full of gifts we brought them from the US and some stuff that Carol and Richard sent as well. They gave the boys Park Inn stuffed bears, which they still sleep with to this day ! We were catered to in Ekat and we will never forget the people that made us always feel at home in Siberia ! It was cold outside, but we were always warm with smiles inside !
The 18th we departed for Moscow for a 3 day journey to citizenship (turned out to be 4, but that will come later). We were met by who we thought was Jane and found out was Tanya and the drive Vladimir. They were cordial and polite, but they were NOT Yuri and Lydia !
We went to the Renaissance where we confirmed a family suite for the stay, just so we would be more comfortable with 4 people. There were many Americans and other nationalities there. Moscow was definitely a melting pot, much like NYC. We remembered when Dmitri told us that on our second trip.
Noah and Jack cuddled with Mama inn the King Sized bed, got Room Service for dinner that night and watched TV on a big screen. Wow, I would be excited and they were too. They had a blast. The next morning we would be woken at 6a for the visit with the Embassy Doctor. A very nice man in his 50's and very down to earth. A quick visit with two groggy kids, but they quickly woke and began to play with him and his stethoscope.
After the visit we waited for Tanya to fill out paperwork. Wednesday would be our day to do what we wanted while she went to the embassy for our appointments. Around 1pm we asked the concierge to get us a cab to take us to Red Square. It would be a shame to come all this way and not even see it.
Even though it was -27 degrees in Yekaterinburg, it was actually colder in Moscow. The wind was crazy bitter.
We got to Red Square and were dropped across the street by the cab, who was to return in 2 hours to pick us up at the same location. Well who ever thought that just getting across the street to Red Square would be such an adventure. First, whoever thought that Moscow is such a BIG city that there are people that speak English, WRONG !!! There were more English speakers in Ekat and that's in Siberia (almost)!
So we watched and I noticed that no one was crossing the street here. I saw a staircase going underground with a big M, normally this would be a Metro station, which it probably was, but in this case it was also the way to get across the street. Who would thought ?!
So we carry the double stroller, with the kids in it, down the stairs. Not ADA friendly here either ! A nice lady helped with my diaper bag while Joe and I managed the Stroller. We looked like tourists, no doubt, but I have to say that the Russians are very courteous when it comes to children. (only children that is).
We maneuvered the underground, which is not easy in a double stroller. The doorways are as thin as the Russian women and we had to take the kids out of the stroller to get through them and try to carry the kids and the strollers and the diaper bag. We finally got to the other side and walked into Red Square.
It was impressive, the beautiful buildings with their minarets (not sure of spelling) at the top of assorted colors. The Kremlin with a wall around it the size of the Great Wall of China. People bundled up and cobblestone walkways.
We found a small stand and were able to buy two small Russian speaking mouse like animals called a "Cheburuska" (again, not sure of spelling). The children loved them, but we did not last long at Red Square. As we headed more into the wind, it bit at our faces and the children started crying. Noah wanted to walk, or should I say RUN, and Jack just wanted to be inside in his warm hotel room.
We made it a little while, about an hour, and most of that was trying to get across the street. Then we called the hotel and asked the concierge to call the cab driver to pick us up again. We made the trek back across the street and the crying children drew stares like we were a circus act.
Long story short...we went back to the warmth and comfort of the hotel, ordered room service and a nice bottle of wine for mom and dad and watched some movies before and after the kids went to bed. Tomorrow would be our trip to the US Embassy !
The Embassy was really the easiest part of the entire adoption. They talk about an exit interview, but honestly I don't even remember an interview. Some questions, yes, but is that what they call an interview. That part was easy. I heard some people say "oh, don't worry about the embassy...blah blah..." I would say that it is such a non issue, don't even think about it.
Of course the only time my boys decided to have a meltdown was in the embassy. Noah threw his cup across the room and broke the "unbreakable" sippy cup and Jack fell off the chair onto the hard floor. It was comical. Everyone was very amazed at our twins, and honestly we are still amazed every day.
We got all of our paperwork and instructions and waited for the next day when we could finally split this joint for good !!
Friday came and we gladly packed and readied ourselves and 2 toddlers for the 10.5 hour flight ahead.
The good thing was that we upgraded to Business Class....Best thing we EVER did !!
The bad news.....It seemed like a great flight. Two hours in and the kids fell asleep, mom and dad were watching movies and sipping wine and eating warm nuts. Then the pilot comes on........
"Ladies and gentlemen it seems we have a problem with the wing flaps and have to return to Moscow to repair it. We apologize and will let you know what is happening once we land. Please tighten your seatbelts as we will come in fast and hard."
REALLY??????!@#$^$(@%&@#$)%&
Are we just being held captive or do we really have the crapiest luck when it comes to flying???
We land back in Domodedovo, climb down the ice covered stairs on the tarmack, and get into another bus to bring us to the terminal. We won't be leaving today for the US. :(
At this point I could not get upset as we had the kids with us and I had to hold it together for them, but after the 4 day nightmare in Moscow on trip two,, I was SO DONE with this city and country !
Joe collected our luggage (at the EXACT spot where 31 people died 36 hours later from a terrorist attack---chilling) and I went to the only United counter ahead of the 200 passengers to secure our seats on the next day's flight. Luckily, because we were in Business Class we were automatically rebooked for Saturday's Flight. THANK GOD !! another great decision on my part !
United knew how to handle their customers, although I did have to get my Russian Attitude on with a few people that tried to push in front of me...not this time Natasha...BACK IT UP B !!!!
We got our flights, seats and luggage and our vouchers for the airport hotel. At least this stay wouldn't cost us $3000 like when Aeroflot stranded us. Yet ANOTHER reason to applaud the Americans !
We checked into another hotel. The boys were great. They went with the flow. no crying, no whining, nothing. The people were amazed at how well behaved they were. (honestly, so were we !)
I cried at one point, but my kids didn't !
We checked in to the hotel, got some dinner and some much needed sleep. Saturday we met all of our English comrades back in the Business Class line (what great people we met this trip) and we chatted while we played Groundhog day again. Re-check the boys' paperwork (as if we changed who they were from yesterday.) Recheck all the docs at passport control....again. But Security......non existent.
Joe and I made a few comments on how lax it was at Domodedovo and the bombing 36 hours later proved that one.
We finally boarded the plane and were truly headed for the USA this time ! We finished the glasses the wine, the boys were sleeping in their comfy chairs and mom and dad were trying to watch movies and chill out after a long and arduous journey that we would never ever repeat.....say for the kids of course.
We landed January 22, 2011 in Dulles Airport in Washington DC. The peace and glory to be on US soil with our children. Official US citizens...two more to add to the bunch of free people !
Our driver was waiting for us outside and I was never happier to get into a car and start our 3 hour drive from DC to Wildwood. Glad we booked the car instead of going to PHL for the connection; as it turned out, we would have missed our 5pm Cnx and the 10pm was delayed until 1am....Sometimes I am glad I am a planner and a thinker aheader !!
We arrive int he driveway at 9pm Saturday and Kathlyn, Grandparents, Bryce and Ray are there to meet us with decorations everywhere ! We were exhausted, but it was a good feeling !
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Travel Nightmare begins..........
After an incredible day with our boys on Sunday, we head back to the hotel to pack our bags for the trip home. The weather in the US is daunting and the recent slow downs in Europe with passengers stranded in airports, had us a little on edge.
We had a nice dinner and relaxed with a final glass of wine for a few weeks; then we went to bed with bags packed and checked out Monday Morning at 700am. Lydia and Yuri were dutifully waiting to take us to the airport, and it was the usual cold morning but no real weather issues that we could see.
We arrive at the Ekaterinburg airport and see that no counter is open for our Aeroflot flight to Moscow, so we take our seats at a small table cafe, order some coffee and watch the monitors. 930am departure- delayed to 11am, delayed to 1330, delayed top 1530, delayed to 1730.....the coffee piled on, the tension piled on. Apparently there was an ice storm in Moscow the night before and none of the planes could leave Moscow to get to Ekat in order to pick up the waiting passengers.
Lydia and I made several trips up to the Aeroflot office on the 2nd floor, where the number of concerned and angry passengers grew by the minute.
Still no information, no re booking, nothing. "We have no information" is all they could say. I demanded that I just be placed on another flights in a day or so and the answer was " They are all sold out, I can get you out Jan 2."
Well this was obviously not an option, unless Aeroflot was going to pay for my meals and my hotels for another week. As it stood, they would not pay for anything and they would not even book us on another flight! I was getting angrier and more tired by the minute.
I understand weather happens, but you do not leave people stranded in the airport for 7 hours with no information and no re booking. Other airlines and other planes were coming and going, some of them to Moscow; so what the hell was Aeroflot's problem. (Well, it one word, they are Aeroflot!) or AeroFLOP as I prefer to call them.
We finally decided to go back to the hotel and check back in and try again tomorrow. We had to get another room, but that wasn't so bad- we actually liked the 5th FL. We had a light dinner and headed back to the room. Lydia tried calling the local office for Aeroflot and I did as well. They could not get us out is all they kept saying. Go back to the airport for more information. THE AIRPORT HAS NO INFORMATION !! But they were just passing the buck back and forth.
I called Golden Rule Travel and woke up poor Marvin for the 5th time in the middle of the night. He had been trying to give me info from the USA side and tried to rebook us somewhere. No Luck on AeroFlot.
I finally told him to buy us two tickets on another carrier the next morning to Moscow --We figured at least being in an international airport we stood a better chance of getting on a flight somewhere, sometime.
So we paid $400 for two tickets on TransAero which was to leave at 745am. Again with the packing and unpacking, and Lydia and Yuri came at 500am. This time we were delayed about an hour, but we finally boarded and were on our way to Moscow--the DME (demeodovo airport) though and we still had to get to the SVO airport for our flight to JFK.
We arrive DME without incident (a rather pleasant flight on Transaero) and wait one solid hour for our luggage. Other flights come and go, but still no Ekat luggage. Finally we get it and off to the Taxi stand we go for a ride to SVO airport. A $3200 ruble ride to SVO (which is about $120 or so), 2 hours in the car, not too much traffic and we just relaxed as much as we could. We knew we might make the JFK flight, if it was even taking off.
MOSCOW VIEW FROM TAXI
Into SVO---now where do we go. No signs, no assistance and people everywhere. We see a ticket office (no counters, all plush offices with chairs and plexi windows.) ; I'm sorry but is this a bank or an airport?!
AEROFLOT TICKETING AND RESERVATIONS..........the line is very long. So Joe lines up against a wall with the bags and I head to the line to wait.
I finally start talking to a nice gentleman in front of me, it was so nice to hear English speaking people. I swear that more people spoke English in Ekat than the ones I have encountered so far in Moscow.
The gentleman was from Serbia and spoke English, Italian and Russian; he was Mike (or Milosevic or Mikael). We chatted , laughed and talked about our jobs, our lives etc. We became the unofficial police of the line as the usual entourage of passengers pushed their way to the front of the lines; the Russians believe their emergency is so much more important than your emergency.
Well Mike and I were not having it.....we pushed back and blocked and told them off. Other passengers cheered, but it seemed only the American and the Serbian had the actual balls to say anything to them. (Funny how that works huh?)
When we finally got to the front of the counter the evil, tired looking, inept communist decided to walk away. No answer, no explanation, just walked away. We wit around 10 minutes and Mike says to the other woman in Russian "Where did she go?" ---the snide, short remark was "She went on break to eat".
YES< I KID YOU NOT......and they wonder why they are slowing becoming less of a world power. The airport ethic of the workers was from the Cold War and that attitude was prevalent everywhere there. No One was helpful and no one cared.
We did not care how tired or how hungry they were, we were more tired and more hungry and there were 20,000 of us stranded by Aeroflot alone in Moscow.
2.5 hours later after waiting in the B's line she came back and looks at my info and says I have to go to another line. I argue with her, but it is useless; they just push you off to another person and make you their problem. They have no clue what to do, how to help or even how to care. So off to the other side of the airport to wait in another plexi glass nightmare for 3 more hours.
Here we meet Matt and Alec, from NY and ATL (ahhh Americans!) We chat, save each other's place in line, watch each other's luggage etc. They had slept in the airport the night before- also trying to get to JFK.
Joe sat at a small table having a beer with Mike and a gentlemen from Turkey, trying to laugh about the situation we were all in and commenting on the ineptitude of the SVO airport and Aeroflot.
3 HOURS....Push, shove, yell, push again....this is the Russian way. Yes, I hated it, they behaved like animals fighting for a morsel of food. We may be called slobs in the USA by the Europeans, but we are civilized slobs that wait our turns and use lines. I had a great time while in Ekaterinburg; the people were nice and everything was fun when we went out....I could NOT say the same for MOSCOW.
Finally we get to the Plexiglas kingdom and I AGAIN explain the situation to the agent. This time I hand him 4 US passports, I threw in Matt and Alec's with ours as well. He tried to tell me that I had to re ticket at the other window (you know, the one I was just in for 2.5 hours and the lady walked away and then told me to come here....) Yeah that one..... WELL, Guess what, THE PHILLY CAME OUT OF ME.....
" I am NOT going to any other window. I was just there for 2.5 hours. She told me to come here. I JUST WANT TO BE RE BOOKED ON A DAMN FLIGHT !! I am tired of waiting, being ignored, being pushed etc... Just PUT ME ON A G DAMN FLIGHT TO THE USA !!!!"
He tells us to wait, goes to one counter, goes to another counter, then back to our counter.....
Then he says OK, you are on the flight to JFK at 1000pm tonight, leaving Terminal D.
I said " I want Seat assignments --(I know this trick too well), his response was you have to get the boarding passes where you check you bags in terminal D.
All four of us are now off to Terminal D (from F) in hopes of getting our boarding passes. I am very skeptical; I knew the flight was overbooked and it was not going to be this easy.
Another hour in Terminal D line to check our bags. We had several nasty words with the Russian B in front of us that thought we were talking too loud for her liking... we told her to mind her own business (among other things). But there were also nice people that spoke Russian as well....A sweet couple from London behind us, a poor old man that I tried to be nice and let in front of me in the line and EVERYONE FREAKED..... OMG - they would step on their own mothers and children to be first for God's Sake !
Finally, 6.5 hours later in the SVO airport and we think we are about to check our bags. WRONG !
We get to the counter and she says "Yes, you are booked on the flights but it is overbooked and there are no seats and I can't take your bags." WELL WHO THE F#%^@) didn't know that !!!!
Another AeroFLOP minion just trying to get rid of us and put us on someone else. She tried to tell me to go to another line where the mob of people was worse than a Christmas Toy Sale at FAO SCHWARTZ.
I screamed, I was pissed, I called them every name in the book. The stupid, worthless guy in blue fatiques (really--blue???!!!) that's wasting away behind the counter on his fat ass gets up as if he is gonna intimidate me. NOT......I yelled at every one. A very nice woman tried to help us, translating for us where she could. She too was frustrated with what this airport was doing and mostly this airline.
I caused a scene and I am DAMN proud of it. I called Moscow and those animalistic people every name in the book. I was stared at and I was glad !! I wanted them to know what this AMERICAN thought of their ineptitude, their lax attitude, their uncivilized behavior, their rude personas, and everything else I could think of !
I grabbed my bags and told Joe to take me to the hotel, I was DONE with this airport. 8 hours at SVO and still nothing is accomplished. We check into the Park Inn Airport and I get right ont he phone with Golden Rule Travel. "GET ME OUT OF HERE...Anyway, ANYHOW.....NOW !"
Searching and searching, Eldo finds a flight on Transaero on Wed. at 1135 am from DME airport to Toronto Canada. FINE !!!! and another $100 cab ride back to DME the next morning.
I need to find an Ombudsman or someone to help with what Aeroflot and SVO did. If anyone has any ideas, please post them. Our agent will get us a refund on the Aeroflot tickets but $600 refund is not gonna cut the $3000 we put out to get home. Who can we sue, who can we call???
Anyway, we liked the DME airport. The flight to Canada was delayed, but that's because so many people were trying to check in so they had to delay it. We thought we would miss it, but luckily we were all delayed. That's OK, at least they took our luggage, gave us boarding passes and had actual counters to go to !! At the gate we saw a handsome distinguished man that was in line with us to check in.
Joe asked him if he was waiting for the same flight, he was, and we asked if he wanted to join us for a drink.
So here we are, 2 Italian Americans-Joe and Sandy and one Soviet Russian (as he calls himself) Dimitry in an Irish Pub in the Moscow Airport. Gotta love it. But it was the first relaxing day we had in 3 days !
We were delayed until 430pm (original take off time 1135am) but we didn't care at that point; we knew we were going and Dimitry reassured us because he flies this route for work all the time; he said "we will take off, even if its late". Finally encouragement and hope ! Transaero to the rescue again !
We boarded and had an entire row to ourselves and funny enough were right behind Dimitry too !
An uneventful 10 hours to Toronto and we enjoyed every minute of knowing we were headed to North America !
Because of the delay in DME we missed our connection to PHL from Toronto; but no big deal, we were ecstatic to be in North America and everyone spoke English ! YEAH !
We checked into the airport Sheraton and had a light dinner and a good night's sleep before heading to our flight on Air Canada to Philly on Thursday Morning.
Again, our flight was supposed to board at 805am, we were delayed until 1130am, but hey - who cares ....we finally took off and were headed to Philly !! Again, we met some great Canadians that we chatted with on our wait for the plane. It was definitely an eye opening experience to different cultures and if you don't appreciate America before- you certainly do after. But I always love my country and I would not trade it for anywhere in the world.
It's nice to travel, but it is always nicer to come home. Americans (and Canadians) are the most helpful people on the planet and in most airports you will see them bond on problems and delays....I cannot say the same for Europe. They become very selfish and self centered. They are first and I watched them actually push children and old people to get to the front of the line. I have to admit I was disgusted and disheartened by this action and it left a very bad taste in my mouth.
Dimitry said it well when he said " There is Russia and there is Moscow; two very different places. Much like there is the USA and there is New York."
You know, he was right. We loved the Urals and Ekat and all the people there.We cannot fault a country for a horrible city, but they have a long way to go before the Cold War mentality is completely behind them.
One more trip, Pick up the boys and get the FLOCK outta there ! This time an American Carrier ! Hopefully, God willing, no delays, no issues, no weather. Please.
We had a nice dinner and relaxed with a final glass of wine for a few weeks; then we went to bed with bags packed and checked out Monday Morning at 700am. Lydia and Yuri were dutifully waiting to take us to the airport, and it was the usual cold morning but no real weather issues that we could see.
We arrive at the Ekaterinburg airport and see that no counter is open for our Aeroflot flight to Moscow, so we take our seats at a small table cafe, order some coffee and watch the monitors. 930am departure- delayed to 11am, delayed to 1330, delayed top 1530, delayed to 1730.....the coffee piled on, the tension piled on. Apparently there was an ice storm in Moscow the night before and none of the planes could leave Moscow to get to Ekat in order to pick up the waiting passengers.
Lydia and I made several trips up to the Aeroflot office on the 2nd floor, where the number of concerned and angry passengers grew by the minute.
Still no information, no re booking, nothing. "We have no information" is all they could say. I demanded that I just be placed on another flights in a day or so and the answer was " They are all sold out, I can get you out Jan 2."
Well this was obviously not an option, unless Aeroflot was going to pay for my meals and my hotels for another week. As it stood, they would not pay for anything and they would not even book us on another flight! I was getting angrier and more tired by the minute.
I understand weather happens, but you do not leave people stranded in the airport for 7 hours with no information and no re booking. Other airlines and other planes were coming and going, some of them to Moscow; so what the hell was Aeroflot's problem. (Well, it one word, they are Aeroflot!) or AeroFLOP as I prefer to call them.
We finally decided to go back to the hotel and check back in and try again tomorrow. We had to get another room, but that wasn't so bad- we actually liked the 5th FL. We had a light dinner and headed back to the room. Lydia tried calling the local office for Aeroflot and I did as well. They could not get us out is all they kept saying. Go back to the airport for more information. THE AIRPORT HAS NO INFORMATION !! But they were just passing the buck back and forth.
I called Golden Rule Travel and woke up poor Marvin for the 5th time in the middle of the night. He had been trying to give me info from the USA side and tried to rebook us somewhere. No Luck on AeroFlot.
I finally told him to buy us two tickets on another carrier the next morning to Moscow --We figured at least being in an international airport we stood a better chance of getting on a flight somewhere, sometime.
So we paid $400 for two tickets on TransAero which was to leave at 745am. Again with the packing and unpacking, and Lydia and Yuri came at 500am. This time we were delayed about an hour, but we finally boarded and were on our way to Moscow--the DME (demeodovo airport) though and we still had to get to the SVO airport for our flight to JFK.
We arrive DME without incident (a rather pleasant flight on Transaero) and wait one solid hour for our luggage. Other flights come and go, but still no Ekat luggage. Finally we get it and off to the Taxi stand we go for a ride to SVO airport. A $3200 ruble ride to SVO (which is about $120 or so), 2 hours in the car, not too much traffic and we just relaxed as much as we could. We knew we might make the JFK flight, if it was even taking off.
MOSCOW VIEW FROM TAXII CALL THIS "LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE"
AEROFLOT TICKETING AND RESERVATIONS..........the line is very long. So Joe lines up against a wall with the bags and I head to the line to wait.
I finally start talking to a nice gentleman in front of me, it was so nice to hear English speaking people. I swear that more people spoke English in Ekat than the ones I have encountered so far in Moscow.
The gentleman was from Serbia and spoke English, Italian and Russian; he was Mike (or Milosevic or Mikael). We chatted , laughed and talked about our jobs, our lives etc. We became the unofficial police of the line as the usual entourage of passengers pushed their way to the front of the lines; the Russians believe their emergency is so much more important than your emergency.
Well Mike and I were not having it.....we pushed back and blocked and told them off. Other passengers cheered, but it seemed only the American and the Serbian had the actual balls to say anything to them. (Funny how that works huh?)
When we finally got to the front of the counter the evil, tired looking, inept communist decided to walk away. No answer, no explanation, just walked away. We wit around 10 minutes and Mike says to the other woman in Russian "Where did she go?" ---the snide, short remark was "She went on break to eat".
YES< I KID YOU NOT......and they wonder why they are slowing becoming less of a world power. The airport ethic of the workers was from the Cold War and that attitude was prevalent everywhere there. No One was helpful and no one cared.
We did not care how tired or how hungry they were, we were more tired and more hungry and there were 20,000 of us stranded by Aeroflot alone in Moscow.
2.5 hours later after waiting in the B's line she came back and looks at my info and says I have to go to another line. I argue with her, but it is useless; they just push you off to another person and make you their problem. They have no clue what to do, how to help or even how to care. So off to the other side of the airport to wait in another plexi glass nightmare for 3 more hours.
Here we meet Matt and Alec, from NY and ATL (ahhh Americans!) We chat, save each other's place in line, watch each other's luggage etc. They had slept in the airport the night before- also trying to get to JFK.
Joe sat at a small table having a beer with Mike and a gentlemen from Turkey, trying to laugh about the situation we were all in and commenting on the ineptitude of the SVO airport and Aeroflot.
3 HOURS....Push, shove, yell, push again....this is the Russian way. Yes, I hated it, they behaved like animals fighting for a morsel of food. We may be called slobs in the USA by the Europeans, but we are civilized slobs that wait our turns and use lines. I had a great time while in Ekaterinburg; the people were nice and everything was fun when we went out....I could NOT say the same for MOSCOW.
Finally we get to the Plexiglas kingdom and I AGAIN explain the situation to the agent. This time I hand him 4 US passports, I threw in Matt and Alec's with ours as well. He tried to tell me that I had to re ticket at the other window (you know, the one I was just in for 2.5 hours and the lady walked away and then told me to come here....) Yeah that one..... WELL, Guess what, THE PHILLY CAME OUT OF ME.....
" I am NOT going to any other window. I was just there for 2.5 hours. She told me to come here. I JUST WANT TO BE RE BOOKED ON A DAMN FLIGHT !! I am tired of waiting, being ignored, being pushed etc... Just PUT ME ON A G DAMN FLIGHT TO THE USA !!!!"
He tells us to wait, goes to one counter, goes to another counter, then back to our counter.....
Then he says OK, you are on the flight to JFK at 1000pm tonight, leaving Terminal D.
I said " I want Seat assignments --(I know this trick too well), his response was you have to get the boarding passes where you check you bags in terminal D.
All four of us are now off to Terminal D (from F) in hopes of getting our boarding passes. I am very skeptical; I knew the flight was overbooked and it was not going to be this easy.
Another hour in Terminal D line to check our bags. We had several nasty words with the Russian B in front of us that thought we were talking too loud for her liking... we told her to mind her own business (among other things). But there were also nice people that spoke Russian as well....A sweet couple from London behind us, a poor old man that I tried to be nice and let in front of me in the line and EVERYONE FREAKED..... OMG - they would step on their own mothers and children to be first for God's Sake !
Finally, 6.5 hours later in the SVO airport and we think we are about to check our bags. WRONG !
We get to the counter and she says "Yes, you are booked on the flights but it is overbooked and there are no seats and I can't take your bags." WELL WHO THE F#%^@) didn't know that !!!!
Another AeroFLOP minion just trying to get rid of us and put us on someone else. She tried to tell me to go to another line where the mob of people was worse than a Christmas Toy Sale at FAO SCHWARTZ.
I screamed, I was pissed, I called them every name in the book. The stupid, worthless guy in blue fatiques (really--blue???!!!) that's wasting away behind the counter on his fat ass gets up as if he is gonna intimidate me. NOT......I yelled at every one. A very nice woman tried to help us, translating for us where she could. She too was frustrated with what this airport was doing and mostly this airline.
I caused a scene and I am DAMN proud of it. I called Moscow and those animalistic people every name in the book. I was stared at and I was glad !! I wanted them to know what this AMERICAN thought of their ineptitude, their lax attitude, their uncivilized behavior, their rude personas, and everything else I could think of !
I grabbed my bags and told Joe to take me to the hotel, I was DONE with this airport. 8 hours at SVO and still nothing is accomplished. We check into the Park Inn Airport and I get right ont he phone with Golden Rule Travel. "GET ME OUT OF HERE...Anyway, ANYHOW.....NOW !"
Searching and searching, Eldo finds a flight on Transaero on Wed. at 1135 am from DME airport to Toronto Canada. FINE !!!! and another $100 cab ride back to DME the next morning.
I need to find an Ombudsman or someone to help with what Aeroflot and SVO did. If anyone has any ideas, please post them. Our agent will get us a refund on the Aeroflot tickets but $600 refund is not gonna cut the $3000 we put out to get home. Who can we sue, who can we call???
Anyway, we liked the DME airport. The flight to Canada was delayed, but that's because so many people were trying to check in so they had to delay it. We thought we would miss it, but luckily we were all delayed. That's OK, at least they took our luggage, gave us boarding passes and had actual counters to go to !! At the gate we saw a handsome distinguished man that was in line with us to check in.
Joe asked him if he was waiting for the same flight, he was, and we asked if he wanted to join us for a drink.
So here we are, 2 Italian Americans-Joe and Sandy and one Soviet Russian (as he calls himself) Dimitry in an Irish Pub in the Moscow Airport. Gotta love it. But it was the first relaxing day we had in 3 days !
We were delayed until 430pm (original take off time 1135am) but we didn't care at that point; we knew we were going and Dimitry reassured us because he flies this route for work all the time; he said "we will take off, even if its late". Finally encouragement and hope ! Transaero to the rescue again !
We boarded and had an entire row to ourselves and funny enough were right behind Dimitry too !
An uneventful 10 hours to Toronto and we enjoyed every minute of knowing we were headed to North America !
Because of the delay in DME we missed our connection to PHL from Toronto; but no big deal, we were ecstatic to be in North America and everyone spoke English ! YEAH !
We checked into the airport Sheraton and had a light dinner and a good night's sleep before heading to our flight on Air Canada to Philly on Thursday Morning.
Again, our flight was supposed to board at 805am, we were delayed until 1130am, but hey - who cares ....we finally took off and were headed to Philly !! Again, we met some great Canadians that we chatted with on our wait for the plane. It was definitely an eye opening experience to different cultures and if you don't appreciate America before- you certainly do after. But I always love my country and I would not trade it for anywhere in the world.
It's nice to travel, but it is always nicer to come home. Americans (and Canadians) are the most helpful people on the planet and in most airports you will see them bond on problems and delays....I cannot say the same for Europe. They become very selfish and self centered. They are first and I watched them actually push children and old people to get to the front of the line. I have to admit I was disgusted and disheartened by this action and it left a very bad taste in my mouth.
Dimitry said it well when he said " There is Russia and there is Moscow; two very different places. Much like there is the USA and there is New York."
You know, he was right. We loved the Urals and Ekat and all the people there.We cannot fault a country for a horrible city, but they have a long way to go before the Cold War mentality is completely behind them.
One more trip, Pick up the boys and get the FLOCK outta there ! This time an American Carrier ! Hopefully, God willing, no delays, no issues, no weather. Please.
Monday, January 3, 2011
A Birthday Celebration !!
My posts are a few weeks behind because of snow delays, but that will be in the next post !
The boys' birthday celebration on December 26, 2010 was a great success. We went to the grocery store and bought cupcakes, juices, a few toys, candy for the ladies and a cake for the caretakers; then it was off to Baby Home #5 !
We entered their room (#4) and I cried when I saw the most beautiful little boys dressed up in white shirts and bow ties waiting for Mama and Papa and their birthday celebration !
What an awesome day. First we went into the music room with all the kids and Olga the Music Teacher even came in on her day off ! Then one of the caretakers (the blond lady) dressed in a rabbit outfit and we all sang and clapped to a Russian Birthday song ! We did a circle dance for each of the boys and Noah just wanted to run and run and clap and laugh !! Jack of course clapped along and sang with all the other kids, he is so orderly !
Then it was off to Baby Room #4 where each of the boys and girls took their seats at their little tables and waited for their treat. I was supposed to give them juice boxes, but of course I had no idea that you can't just hand these kids juice boxes and a straw ! After half the juice was on the table I pulled them back, laughing, and said--Oh, I guess we need cups ! LOL !!
We poured Pear and Apple Juice into cups and placed one in front of each of the kids and they dutifully drank it without spilling a drop while we prepared the cupcakes. Each Child sat like angels and ate their cupcakes...but of course I could not have such an orderly Birthday Party; so here comes Sandy with Balloons and noisemakers to break up the order !!
It was a banner day to say the least. The boys got a truck each and we bought some needed toys for the classroom. They asked for a play stroller and a wooden play crib; to which we replied "they are girl toys !" But we bought them anyway and of course gave our boys TRUCKS !!!
We will post the rest of the great photos on FACEBOOK for all of you to view and I am now officially unlocking my BLOG from Private Mode !!
The boys had a great Birthday but most of all we had a wonderful last day with them until we return for the third and FINAL trip ! The Staff at #5 was incredible and they really know how to celebrate with kids !
More blogs to come about the eventful trip home !
God knows there's a right time for everything, and that some things are sweeter when they're slow in coming.
The boys' birthday celebration on December 26, 2010 was a great success. We went to the grocery store and bought cupcakes, juices, a few toys, candy for the ladies and a cake for the caretakers; then it was off to Baby Home #5 !
What an awesome day. First we went into the music room with all the kids and Olga the Music Teacher even came in on her day off ! Then one of the caretakers (the blond lady) dressed in a rabbit outfit and we all sang and clapped to a Russian Birthday song ! We did a circle dance for each of the boys and Noah just wanted to run and run and clap and laugh !! Jack of course clapped along and sang with all the other kids, he is so orderly !
Then it was off to Baby Room #4 where each of the boys and girls took their seats at their little tables and waited for their treat. I was supposed to give them juice boxes, but of course I had no idea that you can't just hand these kids juice boxes and a straw ! After half the juice was on the table I pulled them back, laughing, and said--Oh, I guess we need cups ! LOL !!
We poured Pear and Apple Juice into cups and placed one in front of each of the kids and they dutifully drank it without spilling a drop while we prepared the cupcakes. Each Child sat like angels and ate their cupcakes...but of course I could not have such an orderly Birthday Party; so here comes Sandy with Balloons and noisemakers to break up the order !!
The boys had a great Birthday but most of all we had a wonderful last day with them until we return for the third and FINAL trip ! The Staff at #5 was incredible and they really know how to celebrate with kids !
More blogs to come about the eventful trip home !
God knows there's a right time for everything, and that some things are sweeter when they're slow in coming.
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