Yet Another Update

So I believe its appropriate for me to write this blog entry on December 11...exactly one month from the day we received our referral from Ekat, Russia. More proof of the lighting speed that the Europeans are accustomed to. Now Michalina tells us that our facilitator Olga says that the region is no longer taking people the last 10 days of the year (New Rule that no one is aware of??) and right after our New Year is their holiday until January 7Th. SO, that means they take no one for 3 weeks...not 10 days, but who's counting??
And now we rush around completing our holiday shopping, hoping desperately that we would have gotten a reprieve this year from additional spending by saying we were going to be in Russia...no such luck. But at least we will be with friends and family this holiday, even if its without our children.
So right now it looks like we will be travelling in January...that is until they change that for another unknown reason again. But, I am assured that we WILL travel in January.
So it will be 2 months from the day we received our referral before we even MEET our referral, let alone probably another 6 months before we take them home. Yes, other countries and their governments move at the speed of a thundering heard of turtles. Appreciate America in that we have several judges, facilitators and our government offices continue to operate even in one person's absence. Have a Happy Holiday and A Merry Christmas to all !!

The Doctors...too many to count

So in our initial quest for agencies and countries, we also had researched doctors. Our first and final choice was CHOP- Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. We chose them for their extensive experience in international adoption as well as their close proximity to us for when we came home with our child. We called them when we got our referral and our "limited" medical information. The response time was very quick and efficient. The doctor called us on a Saturday night and spoke to us for over an hour.
After speaking with CHOP with wanted (or should I say needed) a second opinion. Not because their evaluation wasn't good, but because it just made us feel better. So we contacted the University of Minnesota international adoption program and clinic. They also gave a quick and similar response. We decided that when we travel we will take Dr. Oleg Togoyev with us from Moscow to evaluate the children as well. We want to go in with our eyes wide open. This is a very emotional part of the process, especially when you receive a referral for twins. You can't help but chase the dream, but you want to make sure that all turns out well.
Dealing with a small head circumference and a lower IQ is one thing, but dealing with severe FAE or FAS is another. So we need to make sure what we are dealing with before we decide to take these children home with us.
Michalina called yesterday and has received everything and hopefully sometime next week we should have travel dates. Could that change...you bet it can, and so is the life of international adoption with Russia.
So right now we hope and wait...and wait...and wait.. I think this is my big sister testing my patience !! She always knew how impatient I am !!
I can tell also tell you that its hard to walk into stores at Christmas and not want to buy presents and clothes. It's almost impossible to imagine what the wait time after you accept your referral will be like. Many have old me that for Ekaterinburg it could be 3-8 months in between...the courts move at the speed of a thundering herd of turtles. Its beauracracy at its best !! and we thought NJ was bad ! ha!

Accepting the Referral

So Joe and I discussed the options in length and the doctors all had the same concerns for the children, their head circumference. Now there are tons of growth charts out there to evaluate how your child's head should be growing with their weight, height, etc. there are American charts, Russian Charts, Asian Charts, etc..... Search the internet and the huge blogs of information and you will find what you are looking for.
But somewhere deep inside of us something was telling Joe and me to just travel and see these kids. We knew we had to see fore ourselves. We would not be jaded and we would keep an open mind, but we decided to travel and take a doctor from a Moscow Pedatric hospital with us to the orphange. Once we got the orphange we would receive much more extensive medical information and our independant doctor would be able to speak to the orphange doctor. Again, more of an expense, but you need this information in order to fully make an informed decision about your choice. Remember, this is forever - no give backsies.

So now we wait--again. Our dossier was transferred from Tver over to Ekaterinburg and a few documents went missing (go figure), so we had to re do them and get them off to Michalina right away. She wanted our dossier in region by the end of the week fo we could be registered. Once rgistered in your region then Olga, our facilitator in Russia, would work with the orphange on getting us travel dates.

Looks like we might be spending Christmas in Russia.....talk about a white Christmas !

The Referral Came - CHOP speaks

So we waited....and we waited...and Sept and Oct came and went with nothing. It was around November 4th that I finally spoke to Michalina and she said soon.... again.
Then she called on Nov 11th.
When your referral comes, it is a combination of hope, fear, anxiety and excitement all in one. My hands shoke as she gave us the details of our referral. All the books and blogs tell you not to get too attached until after you speak to your doctors. Yeah right, like that could happen. You try to remain calm and businesslike, but your emotions take over and your dreams start again.
We chose CHOP - Children's Hospital of Philadephia International Adoption Clinic as our home pediatric evaluators. They have a great track record and have been handling international adoptions for a long time.
One of the main reasons that you don't want an oordinary pediatrician to view the limited medical information given by Russia is because the medicals are very different in Russia and America. International Adoption doctors have a lot of experience in evaluating children's records from overseas and you want this expertise in your life long decision.
The process is failry easy and they will be the few doctors that will ever respond to you in the evenings, on weekends and at all crazy hours of the day. They email you immediately, talk for a long time with you and are very calm, honest and reassuring.
After speaking with CHOP, we felt we should have one more evaluation, so we chose University of Minnesota's International Adoption Research Center. The great thing about this center is that that are all research doctors who perform these evaluations for free or for a donation. Evaluations done within a week are free, but if you need them in 24-48 hours, the donation ranges from $250 -$500. (reasonable, considering CHOP is $1050). So we got another evaluation and extensive written examines emailed to us.
These we will carry with us when we go to Russia to meet these children.

Now the process is not over-- you now have the opportunity to accept or reject these referrals. If you reject them, then you wait for another one (it doesn't put you back at the end of the line) and if you accept - well - just read on.

The Phone Call

It was July 28, 2009 and I was on my way to Dr. Alexander for my routine quarterly visit. My cell phone rang in the car and I quickly noticed Michalina's number (from Frank Adoption). My heart began racing and my palms immediately were sweating as I answered the phone.

Michalina said they were expecting several referrals from the Tver region in September or October and she had wanted to prepare us for acceptance into the region.

WOW ! we weren't expecting a call until sometime in December and to get this notice was very exciting !
She emailed us some paperwork that Tver needed, a lot of redundancy but it still had to be done.

You will find that Russia's paperwork requirements get quite repetitive, but then again doesn't every bureaucracy in government??!!

Now we completed our Tver paperwork and waited for a referral !

THE DOSSIER

We completed our dossier on June 18, 2009 and sent it UPS. We did expedite some of the apostilles, and although this cost a bit extra, it did get done a lot quicker. On the same day we completed our dossier and sent it off to Frank to be put on "the list" we also completed our immigration forms, or commonly referred to in the adoption world as I600A on the USCIS website. We sent these out the same day along with all of the required documents for immigration, including birth certificates, mnarriage licenses, original home study etc.
We found that sending all of the required doc together made life a lot easier for us in the long run. We also did not file the I600A until after our home study was done and our dossier was complete. This way our fingerprints would not expire too quickly in the future.
We received our docs and were fingerprinted about a month later and about a month after that we received our I171H- our Request was Approved and we were ready to adopt !!


Once we submitteds the dossier, pics, etc. I made a physical file copy of everything and also an electronic file entitled "ADOPTION" in my documents on the computer. At any time that I needed to find a doc, I could look either electronically or in my book. I also scanned ALL of my docs and put them into this file electronically this way I can put them on a flash drive and take an electronic copy with me as well as a physical copy.

Scanners are relatively inexpensive today and desktop color printers / copiers are easy to come by, so I would suggest investing in both early on.

Organizing

One of the things that my husband, Joe, was happy about, was that I am extremely anal and organized. his pet name for me "Rainman" (what a comedian). My paperwork is in order, ask me for a document and my mental filing will have it located and copied in several minutes. This type of skill will come in very handy in adoption.
I read a lot of posts and experiences on the Internet, learned of other people's experiences and built from there.

RULE ONE !! I learned one of the most valuable lessons very early on.....EVERYTHING must be notarized...hmmm, well pick a very responsible neighbor, friend, co worker, or relative (not the same last name) to become a notary in your state. This will not only save you hundreds of $$, but a lot of aggravation in getting documents notarized. Do you really want to take a stranger to the doctor with you to notarize their signature?? I know we are in NJ and the cost was minimal. Do a search on your state website on becoming a notary. You don't need classes, you just fill out the application and send it in with a check. (this is NJ anyway) then the other documents will follow.

SECONDLY
Talk to your doctor before making the appointments, and advise them that you WILL need a copy of their license and some docs filled out. We had to change 3 doctors because of ignorant presumptions of nefarious activity on Russia and these doctors thought their licenses would be duplicated!
Let's keep in mind that a doctor's license is public information and their license # and information can be located on the Internet in about 30 seconds.

You can chalk this up to ignorance, and there are many people like this in the world...even doctors.

THIRD
Get your financials in order. If you don't have life insurance, apply now. Get your home docs accumulated, deeds, mortgages, etc. As you copy all of these documents, make sure you are keeping a clean copy for yourself as well.
As I prepared my dossier docs, I was making a second one for me. You will need to bring this with you, so why try to panic later and get it all together again.

I also purchased clear sheet protectors and every notarized document went into a sheet protector and then into a binder. Makes it easy to search and flip through without sullying the documents as well.

Angels in Waiting

I may have begaun this posting a little late, but it's never too late too catch up. Please allow me to tell you a little about our journey towards adoption.
It was March 2009 and we had futility completed our second, and what I determined was our final, attempt at IVF (in-vitro fertilization). It was almost like a light bulb that went off in my head and said "what the heck are you still doing on this road?!" I had to agree. I was done this path of pain, worry, stress, surgeries, and procedures. Being mentally violated by thoughts and hopes of babies. I was done....officially and mentally. I turned to Joe and said "We are starting the process of adoption, I can do this with or without you, but I prefer to do it with you." He understood how tired I was and he was certainly equally as mentally exhausted. Thus began our journey into the wonderful world of adoption.

THE PHONE CALL - THE REFERRAL

On November 11, 2009 at approximately 3:30pm mu cell phone rang. It was Michalina's phone number from Frank Adoption. My pulse raced. I just spoke to her last week and we had no news, could this just be a follow up call. I pretended to remain calm. Joe was downstairs on his computer (as usual!) and I was upstairs getting some office files organized (there is that ADD again). I picked up the cell and held my breathe. Michalina made small talk, how is your day, what are you doing, are you home or at work....and inside my head is saying "WHATTTTTT!!! JUST TEll me !!!" but again, I faked composure when she said she had a referral for us. The region had changed. We were now going to Ekaterinburg (aka YEKATERINBURG) in the Ural Mountains region of Russia. It was a tough region with regards to paperwork, but a very good region with regards to orphanages. I called Joe to come listen as I put Michalina on speakerphone and she gave us the details.
The next of details that followed stopped us in our tracks and I immediately began to cry, she told us we were getting twin boys !!

Now let me tell you a little bit about referrals. the agency emails you some information that the orphanage and the facilitator in Russia gave them. Generally a few photos, limited medicals, birthdates and some measurements. When you get these pictures you first instinct is to post them on your blog and tell everyone that these are your kids. Rule one....this is not kosher and you don't do this in the adoption world.
Next the agency usually tells you thagt you should get back to them in a few days. Yes,a life long decision in 4 days. Well, just the decision to travel and meet them, not necessarily adopt just yet. I will give you more details about the referrak phase and the doctors in the next post. Have a great one !! I went out to celebrate to Joe, Kristen, John and Aunt Kathlyn !!

Region Change

So after our initial excitment of being told we could be travelling in September or October....we waited. Of all the books you will read and all the chat groups, everyone will tell you that the waiting part is the worse. At first I thought "well this isn;t so bad" then the days grew to weeks and then months. I was wrong, the waiting was brutal. The not knowing was more brutal, especially for a control freak like me. This was out of my control and I knew it, and my patience was being tested daily. Everytime a concerned friend or family member asked "did you hear anything" you appreciated their love and concern but at the same time you want to scream "NO !! AND I AM FREAKING OUT !!!". But you said that quietly in your head and just tell them you are still waiting. giving the facade of calmness and coolness, all the while you head is imagining scenarios, faces, travel, experiences and anything else that you can speculate and anticipate.
So now September and October passed with no word....ok..now what. Do I call and be a pain or do I wait. So I waited a week and then sent a cheery email to our agency asking if they had any recent word. Under my breath I was actually typing....what the ^#$%....WHERE IS MY REFERRAL !! but that isn't what I asked.
Our agency said she still hadn't heard anything and was hoping in the next few weeks we would get a call. And so the waiting continued. The chat room searches continued, reading peoples posts about their referrals and their travel plans. Hoping that my turn would come soon. Joe is much better at being patient then I am at even pretending to me patient...thank God he is by my side !!

The Agency Search

Once we had decided which country we wanted to adopt from, then next step was the endless search for an agency. This endeavor was akin to choosing a car from an auto mall; the salesmen will follow you endlessly, the choices and features are never ending, and the prices....well, they all run very high !
First, narrow down the agencies to 5 that participate in your country of choice. Then, if you make a chart (this is where Joe says my rainman abilities pay off) and lay out the pros and cons of each agency. Price, Dossier assitance, Location, years in service, years in country of choice, BBB ratings, and responsiveness. This will help narrow down your choices to three. From those three try your darndest to get personal experiences from APs (Adoptive Parents). Nothing beats personal experiences!!
It's at this point in the journey that some PAP (potential Adoptive Parents) already have completed a Home Study, haven't completed a Home Study, or have no idea what a Home Study is. We chose our agency first, then chose a Home Study Agency in our State since our Adoption Agency Choice was not in our home state.

Our Final Choices were Frank Adoption Center in Raleigh , NC for our adoption agency and our Home Study Agency was Golden Cradle Adoptions in Cherry Hill, NJ.

Both very reputable, long adoption histories, good ratings, standard pricing, accredited in Russia (VERY IMPORTANT !!) and responsive and polite.

Our first obstacle was deciding if we wanted to pursue domestic or international adoption. Joe and I discussed the pros and cons of both. Our main worry with domestic adoption was the opportunity for the mother to change her mind after the child was born. In some states, the mother has as long as 6 months, in other states; it could be 3-30 days. Additionally, we knew we didn't want to get emotionally involved with a birth mother. Although we welcomed the beautiful gift she was giving us and would always keep her memory a part of our child's life, we didn't want a third party in our parenting...so open adoption was not for us. We narrowed down some options internationally and settled on Russia, Bulgaria, Kazykstan, and Guatemala. Guatemala being closed to foreign adoption quickly eliminated that country as a choice, so we focused on the remaining three. Our time "in country" was the final deciding factor on Russia. Kaz and Bulgaria required very lengthy stays of up to 6 weeks in country, so we decided that the more frequent shorter trips were conducive to our life style; and so Russia was our final choice.
Please keep in mind that these posts are very short excerpts of involved lengthy decision making processes. None of these choices should be taken lightly, as they will affect the next 12 months of your life ! (and maybe more!)