A TRUE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE..........

December 24, 2010  9:00am Ekaterinburg time we walked into the brand new court house and into our court room.  I looked around the room and saw Irina, the wonderful Social Worker that we had met several times and the Psychologist from the Orphanage, what a lovely woman as well.  The judge sat on her throne in her robe and to be honest, she did not look as daunting and scary as I had anticipated.  The prosecutor sat at a desk to her right in a uniform that reminded me of the communist era; I giggled as I thought of our prosecutors in the states having to wear this get up ! 

At the desk to the right the social worker and Psychologist and we sat to the left with our translator Olga. 

Two nights prior Olga had prepared us for court, and I have to say that she did a fantastic job !
She layed out the entire scenario piece by piece and then gave us the daunting list of questions that we worked on for two days and took less than 2 hours to detail back to the judge.

 

THE COURT STRUCTURE:
1) Introductions
2) Our Story - includes questions by Prosecutor and Judge
3) Social Worker Speech and Psychologist Speech
4) Prosecutor Speech
5) Judge's Resolution
6) Forms Signing

Our Court lasted from about 9:15 am when we began until about 12:30pm. It took a little longer than normal because we had two children's information to review.   Joe went first, as we had planned, and he did great.  He was calm and to the point and didn't bable on like he does in real life ! (lol).  The judge on several occasions told him to speed it up because she had another case waiting in the hallway; this really worked to our advantage because I think it could have been alot worse if she had a lot of time on her hands !
Joe was thinking, "NO, you wanted all this information B and now you're gonna listen to it !", but of course he didn't say that. He just complied and spoke faster.  Joe spoke for about 52 minutes about our interactions with the boys and about the medicals, then the judge asked him to sit and me to get up.

To all of you that worried that my big mouth would get the better of me, you would have been proud. She DID NOT shake me for even a second ! I spoke for about 45 minutes and I answered all of her questions quickly and to the point and didn't even need to look at my paperwork, I did it all on the fly. (I work much better that way.)  BUT, the answer of the day was :
Judge Says (thru translator) "So, you have 2 children, they are sick, they are crying, you are trying to read, you can't go out for a walk, the kids want to eat, you must cook for them and then you and your husband, you have not slept, Joseph is working, the home is messy, blah blah blah blah.....Do you really think this is easy and you can handle this, what will you do when this happens?"   ........the translator looked at me, I posied  myself and looked right into the judge's eyes and said  " I cannot wait." ----------SHE REMAINED SILENT.  It was at that point that I believe she had no further questions for me.  

The prosecutor asked a few questions about punishment and discipline, which we answered with no problems.  Then we spoke about Theoretical and practical knowledge of raising children.  - I always loved this questions because one would think that all parents are naturally given the complete ability to understand, discipline, associate, and handle children when they are born....HA !  What makes a bio child easier than an adopted child; why because you already know and understand the messed up genes they come from ?!

The Social Worker and the Psychologist spoke and said wonderful things about us and our interactions with the kids. They said things about our visits with the boys that I could not believe they remembered or that they were even paying attention.  Goes to show you, you have to be careful who's watching !  They remembered a time on trip one in March 2010, when Pavel's skin was dry and I was rubbing lotion on it and she said that I had acted at that time as if this was already my child.  (she was right).

The Psychologist also confirmed that we interacted with the kids and played with them and that she watched Joe lie down and place the children on his stomach on several occasions.  She also watched us rub the children's backs and massage their shoulders and legs and she confirmed how important this contact is with the children to facilitate bonding.  She also noted that Pavel and Alexander have truly bonded as brothers since our two weeks of visits with them and they all saw the change in them as siblings.

These comments made us feel really great  and even more so that we could not wait to take them home ! Don't make us wait 10 more days !!! AHHHHHHHH. 

But it was a great day and tonight we will celebrate with Don and Julie Palazini from Rhode Island, they became Anton's Parents on Dec 22, 2010 !  Anton is in the same class and Pasha and Sasha as well.  They will be losing 3 children from their class, but all going to great homes.

The SW and Psychologist were also happy that when we were asked why we are adopting 2 children, Joseph said "because we don't want any child to be an only child. We want them to have a sibling and to always have someone that they can count on. ".  They were very happy with this answer because many people have answered "because we don't want to do the paperwork all over again for a second.". 

We wanted one or two, and we were lucky enough to get twin brothers !  We are the Lucky ones !
and in just a 2 weeks they will be home FOREVER !!!!

I will post pics when I finish my wine !!  Thank you for all your support ! and Thank you Lord for giving us the greatest Christmas Miracle anyone could ever want !

CELEBRATING WITH OUR RUSSIAN FRIENDS ANATOLY AND MARIA !



DON AND JULIA FROM RI - ADOPTED ANTHONY ON 12/22/10 !!  AN AMERICAN CELEBRATION !



Another fabulous Day!

Yesterday was Monday and we were beginning to feel semi human again.  We met with the Doctor from the orphanage in the morning and went over the boys medicals. Not much has changed, except the testing on some stuff has been cleared and negative.  It's funny because as Julie and Don were having medicals on their son Anton, it is almost the exact same diagnosis' in all the kids.  Hmmm, coincidence?!

Yuri took us to the Russia Mall in the afternoon, wow what a great place. We could have spent the entire day there ! it was huge and we only saw a little of it.  We bought toys for the boys' birthday and Christmas so we can give them something.  We got a bilingual computer (for kids), now if we can actually learn how it works then maybe we can teach the boys.

Today, Tuesday we went to see the boys again and when the door opened they were sitting in chairs, they turned saw us and their faces it up ! They came running to us with arms open ! I will NEVER get tired of that !
It seems that our boys are the favorites of #5.  This morning 3 woman practicing a play were talking to us about court friday and said Dec 24, You be Mama and Papa. !! YES !!  They were excited. they played with Pasha and Sasha and said they will miss them so much !
I don't think they have twins that often and these two get along like real brothers. It is adorable !
They especially love Pasha, but mostly because he doesn't run around as much. To me, they are both my beautiful babies !
We played with some bubbles we bought them and for Anton too, and colored.  The ladies decorated a beautiful Christmas tree and the boys played and ran around cheerfully.  Noah (sasha) seems a little tired. He layed on my lap sucking his thumb and looked like he wanted to nap there.  It was precious.

The doctor told us about their schedules for eating and sleeping and what they ate and such.  Some things will remain the same, but some things will naturally change.  For one, They said no cold drinks......Ahhhhhh, don't think so. We have refridgerators in America and we use them ! Now I would not give them ice cold stuff but everything they drink doesn't need to be hot ! 
I like that they don't give them soda (which I understand and agree with) but yet they give them tea.  I said what about the caffeine in the tea...oh, that was ok.... DUH????
They said porridge for breakfast---I'm like, yeah well we ain't the 3 little bears so they will get oatmeal, eggs, pancakes and such.....(mind you, this conversation is all in my head and they don't need to know)
I like that they only BOIL or STEAM all the food.  Well, maybe that's how you do it but here is the US we like flavor, so we bake and saute` too !  My boys will get to love garlic, we are italian !!

Grandma, or Babushka, will come over and help me make some soups to freeze.  I make a lot of stuff, but soup isn't one of them.  I'm a progresso girl, but I don't want the boys to eat anything with high sodium.
We are learning some great phrases, like sleep, lie down, pee pee, eat, etc.  Just the basics. I haven't heard of any of you having big issues and I don't anticipate huge issues. We communicate pretty well now.

We are three days away from court, 3 days away from us being official Mama and Papa ! We are excited and nervous and also sad because we will have to leave for 2 weeks. That is the worst part ever !!

Observations of an Accidental Tourist..............

We have been here in Ekaterinburg a week now.  The weather has been brutally cold, much colder than when we were here in March.  Today is a balmy -27 degrees.....Really, I think my freezer is warmer.
We rested last night and tried to recuperate from our nasty head colds and today we will see the kids again and meet with the Social Worker.  We should have some updated information on the boys' birth family and hopefully some passports photos as well.  We hope to hold this stuff and if someday the boys want more information about their birth family, they have it available.

We have made a few observations about Russia and Russians while here for this week.  This is by no means to demonize the Russian culture, they are just mere observations.  One thing we noticed is that civility and general kindness does not exist on the streets as it would in the USA.  If you see anyone holding a door open for a lady for an elderly person, it's probably an American.  The workers in stores are somewhat helpful with language and such, but smiles are rare unless there is a specific reason to issue you one.  Americans might walk down the street and glance at a stranger and say Good Morning; but you won't find a word spoken to each other by strangers on the street here, unless its to yell something at someone. 
We were driving to the orphanage the other day and while in the car we noticed an older woman in her fabulous fur coat, bite it on the ice; Down she went bag and all.  There were several people waiting at a bus stop not more than 10 feet from where she fell and no one even shrugged.  Joe and I were taken back by this as we had an overwhelming desire to get out of the car and assist the woman, and Americans would have surely run over and assisted the fallen woman in the USA.  But here, it was more of a nuisance that someone could even fall too close from them and one woman simply brushed snow off of her pants and avoided eye contact with the woman on the ground.   Pushing and Shoving in stores and lines and doorways are the norm, not the exception.  In America, we usually reserve that behavior for Black Friday Sales and Concerts !

However, dressing to the nines and making sure you are wearing the lastest fur, the newest highest boots, the best leather bag.....this is the Russia we have seen.  They are very much concerned with appearances and superficial vanity.  Yes, the Americans stand out; I admit that I was even guilty of pointing out a couple one night as we sat having a drink.  The woman came in the hotel lobby with her Hello Kitty Bag, Bright Turquise Puffy Jacket and sneakers and her husband, wearing a baseball cap, carried a backpack so overloaded that he tipped backward if he didn't hold onto the check in counter.  I turned to Joe and said "They have to be American".   Wow, I was becoming superficial.......no !!!   But it was comical anyway to observe the differences in people while travelling.

Americans do stand out in Europe, no doubt, but Europeans also stand out in America.  The difference is that we Americans are not concerned with how someone is dressed in line at the pharmacy, or if they aren't carrying the newest lastest bag.  If we see someone walking in 6 inch heeled boots and a fur coat and there is 1 foot of snow outside, we say to ourselves "They must have a wedding to go to".   But rest assured that if that woman fell while walking in America, anyone near her would come over to assist.  We get stares as we walk over snow piles to access street corners and my husband puts out his hand to help me over.  We even get stared at when we walk arm in arm down the street; but we don't care.  We are dressed properly, we have our designer bags, we wear nice boots and coats - but honestly, I miss my sweatpants and sweatshirts!

So, it isn't that Americans are bullish or slobs, it's jsut that I have noticed that we care about people more than we do superficial appearances. That isn't saying there aren't any snobs in America hidden amongst the slobs; but we put civility above vanity.    I will take my walks in the USA and nod good morning to a stranger on the street, hold a door open for an elderly man or woman, and certainly assist a fallen fur clad lady.  I will take wear my sweatpants and sweatshirts proudly, I will watch football on tv on Sundays and not stumble down the street with a half empty bottle of Jamesons. I will sit in our civil traffic jams and not pass ambulances because my emergency is more important.

Russia and most of Europe adheres to a strict etiquette; what is proper and what is not. How to dress, how to act, what and who to wear; But they fail to reserve civilty and human kindness in their daily lives.
I enjoy my time visiting other cultures, but I will stick to the brutal normalcy of America over any country. 
We are just Nice !

We survived our first week back..............

Today is Friday Dec 17 and we survived our first week back in Ekat.  Spending everyday 2x a day with our boys is such a treat; but the ideas of how and what to play with in one room grow exhausted.  We have not been able to go for a walk outside because Noah is fighting a really bad case on Bronchitis, so outdoors is off limits.
We do our best to find new things to play with.  Noah and Jack have discovered our water bottles and they love them !  They drink water they have walked 30 miles in the desert.  I know they limit their drink in the orphanage, but fluids are so important when kids are sick.  I know if we got caught we would get yelled at, but until then, I am giving my boys all the water they want !  They drink from the water bottles and hold them like old pros !
Yesterday Yuri had all the paperwork signed off by the family members, so it looks like everything is a go for us. No one disputed the adoption from the family. Monday at 10am we meet with the orphange doctor to go over the medicals from the past year.  I have to remember to write everything down to bring to our US docs when we get back !
Wednesday we will meet with Olga to get ready for court.  It seems all of our docs were accepted by the judge (the redo ones we brought with us). 
We did visit the little Pub that we saw on trip one but never ventured to; it was really neat and interesting inside.  Very German !   Last night the Park Inn had a holiday party for all their clients and guests and Anatoly invited us.  We mingled and met Maria, Anatoly's girldfriend. Olga was there too and Anatoly introduced us to a nice gentleman Mr. Lawson that is here from Britian. He lives in the hotel all but 6 weeks of the year !   Several Americans from NC and CA were here on business and they heard us at the party buffet line and we chatted for a few moments.  Americans are always happpy to see other Americans in a world of Russian language.
We tried Glu, which is the russian version of Sangria but served hot and I opted to have it with a shot of amaretto, YUM !  It was just what my sore throat and cold needed ! A Russian hot tottie !
We walked around a little the day before yesterday and we went to the new mall across the street from the Park Inn.  Not too much in the way of our kind of shopping but a nice grocery store where we were able to get some stuff for our room, hand sanitizer (important !) and some wine.  They offered us a discount card !  Yes, we now have a Russian Market Discount Card, just in case we need it again.

Jack and Noah are becoming a little more verbal, making more and more sounds. They respond to Mama and Papa and know who we are, that is the best feeling in the world.  We are using both their names when we address them, to help with the transition.  We watched the staff practice for a play they are performing the kids later and we were their music room audience. It was funny, even if we didn't understand what they were saying.

Noah does his breathing treatments everyday for his bronchitis and he sits like a little man on Papa's lap and holds the mask and does the treatment. What a good boy !  If only we can get my mother to do her treatments ! 

Hopefully the weathe will cooperate and we can venture about this weekend. Next week is supposed to be in the negatives, so I don't think we'll be doing much walking around.  We hope to get to the Mall this weekend.  I just keep counting the days to get outta here and get home with my boys !

Aunt Kath and Mom and Dad are gonna go crazy when they meet them at the airport! 
Here are a few photos and I will post more in coming days !

WE ARE HERE !!!!!

We arrived in Moscow on Sunday Dec 12 at around noon.  The representative that was supposed to meet us there in order to get us to the connection to Ekaterinburg was no where to be found.  Our flight landed at 12:30pm and by the time we received our luggage, it was 2:10pm.  This is the usual Russian efficiency that we see with the court system, but now the airport too?! Maybe our liason left?  Well, although we were not happy about it, we figured many have travelled this road before us and we didn't think we would have a hard time getting to to domestic connection. Having to go to customs, immigration and then get your bags and walk them to the other side of the airport, go back upstairs and check through security again to get to our Ekat flight......Oh, yeah, this all makes sense now. No wonder the courts are just as redundant !

We did not like Aeroflot at all.  Lufthansa was much better and much more comfortable.  To begin, everyone that worked on the airline seemed bothered that they had to take care of us and it was more their duty to laugh and joke with each other instead.   Ok., I get it, us Americans do that too sometimes.
The seats were about as comfortable as a rock in a park and the HEAT !!! Oh God, need I tell you that we have never been on any airplane without individual air controls over heard.  Well, guess what....none !!!
We were dying ! They must have had the heat on 78 degrees, no air, no room - chatty cathy sitting behind us the entire flight and the bang the knee seat recliner in front of us !!
 We were never happier to get on any plane.  Honestly, I am flying out of PHL next time and I don't care about any layover or price.  I cannot endure 9 more hours of that !  It is bad enough we have to do it on the way home !  UGH !!

The connection from Moscow to Ekaterimburg was without incident and much more comfortable.  The terminal attendants were about as enthusiastic as a guy about to get a prostrate exam and they let everyone know they could not be bothered with anything more than adjusting their scarves or jackets to look perfect while standing there doing nothing.  Wow, more high heeled inefficiency...go figure.  A few Russians even had some harsh words with Ms. Pok Mark Meanie when she snapped at them nastily after they asked if this was the right terminal for Ekaterinburg.  While I did not understand Russian, I understood that the over heard display had the wrong flight information on it, so you can't help but wonder---where the passengers just supposed to read your mind Primadonna?  Boy we were glad to get outta there, loaded onto a bus and then carted up 5 flights of stairs to a waiting airplane.  I don't think anyone here ever heard of ADA compliant.

Anyway, we got here without indicent and Lydia and Yuri were faithfully waiting for us at the Ekat airport.
No problems with all our extra baggage of donations either, one plus !
We checked into our Business Room at the Park Inn, which cost a little more, but well worth it ! We have a little more room and a couch which is more comfort for 2 weeks. We were in our temporary home for the next 15 days.

Monday morning Lydia picked us up at 10a and off we went.  The boys were now in Room # 4, they upgraded to the bigger class !  When we got there we put on our usual booties (which we now had to buy ourselves at the pharmacy along with some diapers) and went up to their room.
When we went in they were all sitting in chairs wathcing a cartoon.  Pasha(Jack) sitting in the reclinder type chair (that's my boy) and when they told him Mama and Papa were there he turned and studied me up and down. You could see he was trying to remember and thinking "why are you interrupting my cartoon ?"
Sasha (Noah) was getting changed and they later brought him into the playroom.

What followed was a memory that I will never forget. The first of many to come. We had the GREATEST time. We laughed and played like there was no tomorrow. They grew up so much ! Not as much in weight in height but more in intelligence, play, understanding and cognitive growth.
Noah made a huge jump.  He never focused much before, but he was certainly following direction and engaging in interactive play fantastically and Jack was a riot !!  The way he would chase the ball and laugh and throw it back.  He is called the Professor by the staff because he is so serious, but boy, when you get him going--you laugh just listening to that belly laugh he has.  Apparently Jack is adored by alot of the caretakers as their favorite one....of course - he loves to sit, play and he listens.  Who wouldn't love that !   Noah is just differnt, he has his own drummer and he likes to not listen.  They won't be the first boys to be that different !

When the caretakers came in at noon and told the boys it was time for lunch, you have never seen a kid get up and run as fast as Jack did.  he loves his food, God Bless him.  My little pudge pudge ! Grandma is gonna have a great time feeding you, I'm gonna have to control you both.
Noah could care less, he was playing.

We went back to the hotel and tried to catch an hour of a nap. We were jet lag dragging.  Lydia picked us up at 4pm and we went through the same routine, but this time feeling again like pros.  We went into the room and when we called their names they both came running to us with open arms !  OMG, what a rush.
There could not have been a better, happier moment in my life than to experience that.  They rushed us and they wanted to be with Mama and Papa. 

We commenced playing some more. This time I took out the trampoline and mat in the playroom, and brought out some more books.  Jack is the organizer. He pulls toys out, lays them out, gives them to you and carefuly puts them all back. Noah takes all the neatly stacked toys that Jack put away and bull dozes right thru them again and throws them all over the floor.  Oh well, at least one of them is a neat freak !
Jack lifts the little red chairs that we all have seen and love from that Ekat Playroom and lines them up neatly as if there is a show about to commence.  Noah laughs and laughs and loves the ipod music, that is always a hit.

Do they remember us from March 2010?  We don't think so but they might, who knows and frankly it doesn't matter. We had the best first day of many firsts to come ! They are our boys and no matter what lies ahead, we will be there and do it together. I know development is always huge, and language and getting them to understand; but you know - this will happen in due time.  I don't want to make the next 12 months so much of a chore that I forget to just enjoy them and have fun.  I think sometimes through this process, everything becomes so clinical, financial and official - but right now, we are at the play stage and honestly I just want to stay there !

Will keep you all posted on the next 2 weeks !! We are here until Dec 27 and there will be Christmas celebrations and a Birthday party on the 26th as well !

LEAVIN......ON A JET PLANE......

I am letting myself get more and more excited everyday, but I am cautious about what will happen while in country.  I know, I have to be positive and believe me that I am when it comes to my boys, but I am very cautious and negative when it comes to the B judge !

We leave Saturday from JFK and it seems we have everything. Nothing new was asked for (yet).  Our visas and the LAST document come today via UPS and off we go tomorrow.

I honestly still cannot understand why we have to be there 2 weeks before court and frankly I am still kind of peeved about that.  If we didn't have to be there 2 weeks before court then we would have stayed the 10 day waiting period; but Joe cannot take 4-5 weeks off of work. (Frankly, who can !).  What I cannot understand is that families that use FRANK ADOPTION seem to have to stay this 2 weeks, but other families do not.

Julie, another Adoptive parent I talk to online, is leaving 16 Dec to arrive 17 Dec and her court is 22 Dec.
When I questioned FRANK ADOPTION about this [not mentioning the families name of course] , I got the standard, we don't set the dates; its what the courts dictate to us and that's what we have to do.  I don't think the courts dictate WHEN we go to Russia??? I never heard of this.  I just think its another way to boost their economy and make me pay for driver/translator for 15 days and hotel for 15 days. 
I don't care about spending the extra money, but I would have rather spent it on the 10 day and spent that time with my boys and NOT leave them after being with them for 2 solid weeks and have them wonder why MaMa and PaPa left again?!!!
This is so CRUEL on Russia's part and I just cannot forgive them for this behavior.  I try so hard to understand it, but I just can't.  Well I guess that's why I'm the Mommy and not Judge !

So, we are just gonna go and make the best of a trip 3.  I pray we don't get caught up in the Holiday shutdown in January, although FRANK ADOPTION tells me that we won't.....but I have heard those stories before. We shall see. We have lots of folks waiting to meet Jack and Noah and mostly, we are waiting to be parents.  It's just been too long. 

Maybe with time my bitterness towards this region will diminish, I only hope it does.  I know I would never tell my boys anything bad but I certainly would try to steer away families waiting if I could. The expense and the time is not fair to the children or the parents.  I would never trade a day of it, because without it I would not have my boys; but I will advocate for more transparency and for the agencies to be responsible, step up to the plate and REALLY tells PAPs what is going on.  Let them know BEFORE they enter a region what it will be like.  My original experience and questions about Ekat were severely sugarcoated. 
I thank the families I spoke to; you guys are the only ones that tell it like it is !

ADOPTIVE FAMILIES are the most invaluable and precious resource through this entire process !!!

Love all of you, Have a very Merry Christmas and I will speak to you from the other side soon !!

Sandy's Quote of the Day:
Hope, deceitful as it is, serves at least to lead us to the end of our lives by an agreeable route.

The Documents never end...............

Yesterday I took a road trip.....to University of Pennsylvania.  Kathlyn, my best friend and one of the boy's future Godmother, came with me; We got the document we needed from the School of Social Policy; even though we walked around the campus back and forth for about 30 minutes until someone heard what building we were looking for and directed us.  We only walked past it 4 times !

We got the SEAL AND THE SIGNATURE for her heiness in Ekat that sits on her royal throne and is a miserable B.   Boy I can't wait until I put this blog public !! 
Then the phone rings as we are sitting in the car getting ready to leave the parking lot.  It was Michalina with yet another request from the judge.
NOW, the judge wants a letter from the licensing authority stating the day the Golden Cradle License was issued and the day it expires.  Forget that they already have the Verification Letter and the actual License itself.  I told Michalina " but the issue and expiration date are ON THE DAMN LICENSE".  She agreed and didn't understand.  She called Olga again and asked what was up???
The Judge just wants it....no ifs, ands, or buts. 
Right about now I am forming the words that I am going to say to this judge when I get there.  Of course, after I actually get my kids.
Michalina and Monica are trying to get a hold of the licensing authority in Trenton to see what they can do. Jared Rolsky, the Director is in Barbados until Saturday.

I told Michalina; I am getting on a plane Saturday the 11 Dec and leaving for Russia. I am NOT changing my ticket, I am not cancelling anything, I am NOT getting another document.  Between you and Monica, GET THE DOCUMENT and send it to Russia when you have it.  I will be there for 2 weeks and I ain't going no place !! 

I was done............then we went to the Olive Garden, filled up on cheesy, gooey, fattening lunch, dessert and of course---several glasses of wine !

“The world makes you into a bitch, no matter how quietly you go, so you may as well go kicking and screaming.”

OK...Now I can get a little more excited !

I am always cautiously optimistic when the agencies call and tell you that you are going, or something exciting is happening.  My experience is that it was soon followed with "oh wait, never mind."  But this time it is really  real !  We have our tickets for 11 Dec our of JFK on AEROFLOT and we arrive Ekat on 12 Dec.

Our tentative court date is still 24 Dec, which better not change or I will camp on the judge's front step like a crazy American !   We also used Ludmilla from the NY visa agency and we should have our visas by Wed at the latest.  Very easy, so far.

I am going to University of Pennsylvania tomorrow to get a document stamped for the the Director of the Home Study agency.  They want an original signature, so I told him that I will go myself and get it !!
Good thing he didn't go to University of Hawaii !!  That should be the LAST document.  I pray !

I asked Micahlina if there is any hope of the judge waiving the 2 weeks.  She laughed and gave a definitive "NO".  I said " Wow ! In 2 years, that's the FIRST definite answer we got from anyone !!"   She said, "Yeah, given Ekaterinburg, that is the ONLY definite answer we can give. !"

Oh well, at least I will have my boys soon.   We haven't flown Aeroflot yet, but all of you experts tell me its great, so I am sure we will enjoy it.  We were on Lufthansa last time, but this time given the holiday the $ was crazy ! 

We have one bag each, but another 2nd piece each with donations for the orphanage.  Luckily Aeroflot is running a special until 15 DEC that allows you to bring 2 pieces of checked  luggage for free.  We had it all in one case, but it was 55 lbs, so it looks like we have to break it into two !
Oh well, the return will be MUCH lighter !!   I don't think anyone in Europe packs like Americans do ! We actually change clothes alot more often than they do !

But it looks like it is real and I will keep you all posted on any new news and changes and I will email from Russia as well.

PASHA AND SASHA, MAMA AND PAPA ARE ON THEIR WAY !!!!!!!

Merry Christmas and God Bless Us all in the New Year !!

The Call we have all been waiting for.............

After a very desperate Thanksgiving weekend, I again sent an email to Olga and Michalina on Monday morning, wondering if there was any news. I already new that Michalina was on "vacation" and would not respond until maybe Tuesday afternoon, but I hoped that Olga would hear the desperation in my words and give me something to grasp.  She did.  Monday afternoon I get an email from AMY PERRY, another SW at Frank Adoption that said the following:
Good Morning Joe and Sandra,


I hope you had a great Thanksgiving! I just received information from Olga that you have tentative trip one dates! She is expecting your court date to be on December 24th, although court is not officially scheduled until you complete your mandatory days of visitation with your child before court. In order for you to complete the required visitation, you will need to arrive in Ekaterinburg at any time on December 13th. The most important thing for you to work on today is getting a business visa. I believe it takes at least 10 days to get a business visa so please work on this today! The two agencies I recommend contacting to get this visa are:
1. VIP Passports and Visa Services in Houston, TX http://www.vippassports.com/ This agency seems to be the easiest and fastest
2. Russian American Consulting in NY http://www.russianconsulting.com/ Ludmilla is the contact person at this agency.

We are also in the process of getting a confirmed list of documents that you will need to bring with you on this trip and Michalina will be in touch with you about this tomorrow. Michalina will also check on the date that you will be free to leave Ekaterinburg you can possibly fly home on Christmas Eve but she will find out and let you know.

Take Care,
Amy

I read the email as we are having lunch in Rio Grande at the diner and I am trying not to cry in the restaurant.
When I got home, which was at Mach 10 speed, I called Frank Adoption and was dismayed and disappointed to hear a recording that said they were closed from Wednesday Nov 24 until Tuesday Nov 30.
REALLY !! Closed for 6 days for Thanksgiving.  I get an email with imporatnt news like that and then I cannot speak to anyone.  It is both aggravating and does not instill confidence.

So I did what Amy said and called to get info about the VISA for travel.  Of course it's $1200 because we have to get it in under 10 days.  More Hurry up and Wait from Russia.  I cannot complete the application without more info from Frank Adoption. So Monday night I pace and pace and get very little sleep.  We field phone calls from everyone looking for answers that we cannot provide; and by 900pm we are mentally and physically exhausted.

Tuesday morning we wait until 10am and then call Frank Adoption.  Michalina won't be in until 10:30am.
More of the same, can't get anyone when you need them.  Now I am a pretty patient person and understanding when it comes to this, but you woud think that someone would be available with news this big.
I know if I ever left a client hanging in my job, it would be the end of that client.  Oh, but that's right, famliles have NO RECOURSE with Adoption Agencies in the US.  This is something I will mount a crusade about with my congressman's office when all this is over.

At 100pm we finally get a hold of Michalina at Frank Adoption and she recaps what she knows.  Of course everything is prefaced with the usual  "Well Hopefully" or "Maybe".  The usual excuse of "We can't control what Russia tells us to do". 

We are told we need to be in Ekat on the 13th of Dec but our Court is not until 24 Dec.  2 Weeks in a hotel in sub zero temps. Oh Joy.  The ONLY good part is that we will be with the boys for Christmas and their birthday.  The ONLY good part......

So we have a list of a few more docs we need, two from Golden Cradle, the homestudy agency, and I cannot believe that these docs were not anticipated by the "experts".  This is my first time doing this and I would suspect that these are documents EVERYONE needs and you could have told me 3 weeks ago when we redid the other ones.  Nothing changed !  But do we expect any less?  OF course not.

So we leave 11 Dec and arrive in Ekat on 12 Dec. We are flying AEROFLOT this time and going through Moscow.  Not what we want, but its a $2000 savings on airfare. Duh, no brainer there.
We return 27 Dec into JFK.

Well off for right now-- I will write more later with more updates !!

A Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and lonliness

There are so many things to be thankful for in my life; my husband, my friends and family, a stable home, but still the loneliness is overwhelming.  I miss by kids terribly.  I know I'm not alone on this journey and know so many have travelled here before me but it's still the loneliest road in the world.

You think at night and pretend you're telling off the judge.  Oh boy the things I said I said ! The contempt you feel for a people distraught with pride and prejudice towards Adopting Parents. Why would anyone hurt a child like this?  Why would any caring country or individual make a family suffer? 

You ask these questions over and over. But on Thanksgiving Day I was still thankful.  Thankful for the wonderful friends and family I had around me. A support system that no country could take away no matter what.

So many Thanksgivings have passed.  Most empty, with no noise of children fighting over the hors d'oeuvres, or telling you that they want snacks instead of turkey.   But I am hoping and praying that soon that will end.  That the noise of toddlers and bickering siblings fills my house like the turkey and dressings fill our table.

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful.  Thankful for the opportunity to love two boys and teach them what this holiday is all about.  Thankful that God gives me the ability to help others and mostly the balance to go ahead and do it as well.  

To have a huge dinner on Thanksgiving and not know what it means to be there is lonely. To show contempt towards others, blood or water; breeds this loneliness. To not understand that peace within ourselves comes from giving Peace to others.  To know that in helping others, we help ourselves in so many ways.  To know that sometimes honesty is in what we do, not in what we say. 

Thanksgiving comes every year, but the gratitude that we show must be shown everyday.  I am still thankful for every heartbreaking moment of wait...because without the wait, I may not appreciate the gift I am receiving.  Every thing worth having has its sacrifice, but the gift that you're receiving is worth so much more than the price.

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally “count our blessings,” give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.” — Shakti Gawain

Happy Thanksgiving.  and happy monthday to Jack and Noah who are 23 months old today !

DHL and I have an ongoing affair.........

Monday Nov 15, 2010 - I gather all the completed and finalized apostilled documents that I received - all the redo docs that is - and went off to another visit to DHL. The wonderful people at POSTNET, where I send all my DHL from, keep asking when the boys are coming.  HA ! I wish I knew that one !
Olga sends emails asking " Where are the documents ?!".... Do they understand that here in America we don't have one person in an office with a stamp that does all this stuff?  I think two weeks to redo 13 documents with apostilles and all is pretty damn good ! Especially since I was in Disney one of those weeks. (Don't worry, I had already sent everything out before I left.).  The BEST gift we could have received was our updated 171H in the mail ! YEAH !!  Just in the nick of time.  And it gets better; apparently when they corrected our mispelled name on the form, they extended the expiration to 8/28/2011 (instead of the 02/28/2011).  Not sure if it was a typo or what, but I emailed NBC.ADOPTIONS, who helps with all the USCIS stuff, and they said "If the office changed it, in this case Newark, then we cannot chage it back and the extension is valid."    OK- NO arguement here !! As long as I know its ok then I will not argue. Its about time a bureaocrat did something right for us this time !!

So now I wait. It cracks me up how they beg and plead for you to send the paperwork and then the courts take their sweet old time in giving a court date !  I PRAY that we get to court before Dec 25, even if Christmas day is spent with the ridiculous judge !

Just to cover my A%^ though, I am doing another set of medicals.  The ones in Russia Expire Dec 1 and I do not want to be caught with my pants down ! They are on their way to the ABMS as we speak.
Fingers crossed that all goes well from here and we get our boys really soon.

Thank you to all the supportive parents that have helped us through this, we are rounding third and on our way home !

A much needed vacation.......

After the initial excitement and tears of happiness for a court date, they were quickly shut down by Russia requesting more re-do documents.  So much for "unprecedented" !  The list came as long as my arm and some of the documents were already in Russia 2 times.... now I was angry. Why were these documents being lost? Where are they? Don't they know how much time and money we spend on these things. 
I have to say, I am not happy with the overall follow up of the Russian side of this adoption. Either they are over worked or unorganized; either way, my children and I pay the ultimate price both emotionally and financially.
We were 2 days away from a much needed trip to Disney. We had planned this over a year ago with the hopes that we would have our children home and take them to Disney for Halloween; well that wasn't happening.  So I did what paperwork I could from here before we left for Florida and I packed up my laptop, printer and entire dossier of paperwork to take with me to Orlando.  What a vacation huh??!!

Meanwhile the clock ticks and my children wait.  So we spend the week in Disney, documents come and go while we are away. We call the FBI to check on our fingerprints which were not due to arrive until the second week of December....NO, That cannot happen.  I put Joe on this one.  He spoke very nicely to the woman Julie from the FBI and asked if it were possible to extend a "professional courtesy" to him as a Sheriff Officer and get our prints in by Nov 5.   We knew we were asking a lot but we prayed. Sure enough, Julie got right on it the very NEXT day and our new FBI prints were waiting in the mail !! WHEW !!

Then there was the issue with Immigration. We needed updated print for INS and a new 171H form. After futile attempts with NBC Adoptions and INS, we went to see Congressman LoBiondo.  His aide, Marie Abbott got on it and kept in contact with us while on our way down to Florida.  We were in Jacksonville FL on our pit stop and my phone rang; it was Marie Abbott telling us she got us an appointment with INS to get fingerprinted on the day we get back ! Nov 8 !! YEAH MARIE AND CONGRESSMAN LOBIONDO !!

So far the stars were aligning and I was tired and beat......on to Disney to imagine our cares away and pretend our boys were with us to celebrate Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party.

We came home Saturday Nov 6 and I quickly organized all the documents that were waiting for us and scanned them into the computer, waiting for Russia to OK them before we send them.  They move slowly sometimes !  Don't they know how damn important this is !!

Monday Nov 8th, 8am we get into the car to drive to NE Philadelphia for INS fingerprinting , again.  I remember 18 months ago receiving our 171H in the mail and thinking to myself "We will never have to redo these fingerprints, we have 18 long months!" HA ! Boy was I wrong ! Little did I know what entering into Ekat was !
So we stroll into INS and there is NO ONE waiting there. I mean the place is EMPTY except for the 5 employees.  We stroll right up to the counter and I have my INS appointment sheet that say NOV 24 900am on them and my letter from Congressman LoBiondo saying that I can come anytime and any day ! I was ready.   I saw good morning and prepare to give the man the paperwork, our passports and the letter and he says" I don't need that, I don't even look at the dates. "   WHAT !!!!! REALLLY !!!!
Do YOU KNOW WHAT I WENT THROUGH TO GET THIS DATE !!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
This was really a charlie brown moment.  I looked at him and said " NO, you WILL look at this paper, because I want to feel that all those tears and stress were NOT in vain !!" 
He laughed and literally, 15 minutes later, we were fingerprinted and out of INS. !  AHHHHHHHHH!
and AHHHHHHHHHHHH again.

So, Again, more documents will make their way to Russia.  Another medical will have to be done again in 2 weeks, and here we wait. I am not happy, this is not how it should be.  We are in order, our papers were perfect and this is when I start to get really mad at the agency that I am paying a lot of money to help me get my boys home !
Dec 26, 2010 is their 2nd Birthday. They spent their 1st Birthday without MaMa and PaPa, they WILL NOT spend the 2nd without us ! I am determined !

Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain. ~Author Unknown

You have a court date......Maybe

October 25 2010 and my phone rings....."Unknown Number", my hands start to sweat because I think I know who it is.  Could it be??  Yes, Its Michalina from Frank Adoption and she has news. 
I seems the judge has accepted our dossier !  I cried and cried and could not believe it.  She ordered the boys' paperwork to be started and it seemed "unprecedented" as Michalina put it, that the judge wanted NO updates on paperwork.  Really !!???
NO. Michalina calls me about a half hour later and says, sorry I was wrong. Just a few documents need to be updated.
So I rushed home to start my docs. No problems, I got this covered. I have become the document queen !
If all goes well we should travel by the end of Nov and have a court date for 1st week of Dec. 
YES !! I want my boys home by Christmas !
But, I always proceed with caution because that has been my experience.  So right now I do the paperwork and hold my breathe !

Things I am thankful for.....

As I wait for the arrival of my boys during the longest pregnancy on record  [ok- not to you AP out there it isn't !], I read articles and books on bonding, adjusting, etc.  There is a great book called "Twenty things your adopted child would like you to know." Now here is a book for me, a list. I love lists ! I live by them and my husband says it is because I am OCD.  Ok, Maybe I am a little. But lists seem to organize my life and when books give me rules and lists to follow, it makes it very black and white. So I read the book and I must admit that there is not one complete list, darn !  But, it is full of great information.
One of the things that I am very thankful for is that we have a lot of information on the twins' birth mother and family. Many families that adopt internationally never have much or any information at all to share with their children, should the questions ever arise.  We have names, ages, DOB, and cities for all family members. It will be kept hidden away in our safe and someday, should our boys want to find their birth mother or another family member in Russia, I will hand it over. It is their right, it is their past and it is their history.

I was never one who believed in not telling children the truth. Children can handle a lot more than we give them credit for.  Not answering questions about adoption or their past may create questions in their own mind about who they are and where they came from.  I agreed with almost all the points made in the book. It is ok for a child to feel different from you, they are. We all are. Their history is their heritage and they are luck enough to have more than one.

I don't judge their birth mother, but rather I thank her. I would not have this beautiful gift she has given me if not for the decision she made almost 22 months ago.  I do wonder if she thinks about the boys, wonders where they are, how they are or how they are growing.  These are the thoughts that I plan on sharing with my boys someday and I welcome any questions they may have. 

When children are left in the dark, they live in the dark and that's not a friendly place to be.  I don't ever want my boys to feel they were unwanted by their birth mom. They were wanted and that's why she brought them to this world, so we could have two wonderful boys as our only children.  They are extensions of her and will become extensions of us as well.

"A child is a miraculous gift from God, no matter how one receives it. Some are given the ability bear them, others the ability to rear them."
This quote is so true. I felt I was always ready and able to handle motherhood, but for God's reasons I was unable to bear my own children. I would like to assume that His reason was because these boys were waiting for me, somewhere in the future that He could see and I couldn't.  he understood and now I understand. The pain all makes sense to me.

"Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It's something quite magical."  Nicole Kidman, Adoptive parent
How could we ever appreciate the sunshine if we never had any cold rainy days?  We wonder why pain, suffering and trial come to us. Some more than others.  But if the road was smooth and easy would we really appreciate the finish as much?  The stroll would be nice and sunny and relaxing, so who cares when it ends?!  Sometimes that mountain has to be treachurous in order to really understand the view from the top of it.

"It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other." Joan McNamara, Adoptive parent
I suupose adoption is like a marriage in so many ways.  Much the way I found my wonderful husband Joe after many years of heartache, I also found my boys.  "God Bless the Broken Road that led me straight to you. "

Again, I am thankful. Thankful to my family for their support, thankful to the orphange for taking care of my boys while I am away, thankful for all the coordinators that work hard to bring families together and most of all; thankful for a very difficult decision Pasha and Sasha's birth mother made.
"If you love some one unconditionally and with your whole heart, than you will do what is best for them not you. I have never learned a harder lesson than giving my child up for adoption and I probably never will." Anonymous Birth Mother

This is one of my absolute favorite pictures.  Taken by Richard and Carol De Grace on their trip in July

and it depicts Jack & Noah's personalities so much.   Noah, the active, climbing, clapping boy and Jack the

ever studious and lap lover.

Another Stressful Week

It seems that the document that I have repeatedly tried to obtain from the Board of Social Workers arrived a few weeks ago.  You will remember my post about being a pain in the @%#.  Well, I quickly scanned it and then sent it off to be Apostilled and then sent it off to Russia, another $101.95.
Olga send me an email Thursday 10/1, the License number was whited out and written over and the date the notary commission expires was written over by hand. REALLY !!!!
I quickly looked at the copy that I scanned into my computer, she was right ! 
I wrote a nasty gram on Friday 10/2 to the Director at the Board of Social Workers and told him that he not only cost me another week, but $40 in Apostilled and UPS and $102 in a DHL to Russia.  I could not believe that a licensed professional agency would white out a legal document and hand write over a notary expiration date !
Luckily, I quickly get a repsonse from the Director apologizing for what has happened and getting right on another notarized copy.  He did just that and sent it Saturday Delivery (which was nice of him).  THe only problem is that I still had to get an Apostille because he used a different notary in his office !  UGH ! So much for saving another $40.   So here I wait for the document, again, this document has been received 5 times now !  I will send it off to Olga, AGAIN, and wait, AGAIN !!

On a good note, I did get an awesome Dutalier Rocker Glider for the boys' room.  Comfy !

The Children's Place is really the parent's place.

With the final document en route to Russia and just the anticipatory wait for a court date, i did what any other nesting woman would do; I went shopping.  Firstly, retail therapy is grossly underrated, it cures so many ailments other than depression.  Think about it, you walk from store to store (exercise), you count money (brain exercise), you put multiple bags into your car (weight lifting), you encounter sales associates, ask for help and talk to strangers (social activity), and I did not even get to the endorphins that are released from the purchase itself !  Hey, whatever justifies it in my mind is of itself....justified !

We went into Pampolina, a European children's store with select boutiques here in the states. I look around the store I once loved and asked "where are the boys clothes? " the sales girl, dressed in an outfit that probably fit her 3 years ago, responds "Pampolina discontinued its boys' line here in the US, there was not enough of a demand for it here."   WHAT !!  REALLY !!!  The clothes were stylish, well made, trendy and adorable  and they discontinued them !!  But of course the store was filled with the usual multitude of colors of girls' ensembles.  So I dejectedly sifted through the 70% off racks and found a few items for Allyson for Christmas (Kathlyn's daughter), and although I was tempted to buy something for Gioia, my niece, I re-thought the purchase and did not. (It's a sad dad when an aunt can't spoil her only niece).

After Angie made several purchases for her granddaughter in the "girls only" store, we made our way to "Heartstrings"...finally a boy's section as large as the girl's section.  As I looked at the adorable clothing all marked with 25%, 40% and 70% off tags, my excitement quickly turned to dismay when I started reading the price tags and the discount charts; after the sale the small sweaters, t shirts, pants and vests would range from $24-$48...ON SALE !    Ok, I am by far NOT a cheap person, but REALLY??!!
I don't pay $48 for a sweater for me if its a designer, why would I pay that for a tint little sweater, a quarter the material used in my sweater, with a tag that states MADE IN PERU (doubt they have strong unions there).   I couldn't do it....I wanted it, it was cute, but ever moral fiber in my being said "you ARE NOT paying that kind of money for children's clothes."    I looked around the store at the usual lineups of yuppie parents browsing the racks like they were at KMart.  One little boy laughed and clapped as I made silly faces at him, he was obviously bored with the whole shopping expedition his "too old to have children" tired looking mother took him on. Her mouth pursed and soured when the child made bored sounds and fussed and she shot me looks of disdain when I made him laugh.  Sorry lady, didn't realize you were a miserable B, no wonder the kids' crying !

So I made the small obligatory purchase in the store and grew depressed that I could not get my boys some decent clothes without re-mortgaging the house.  Then we went to the next Outlet Center and I found THE CHILDREN"S PLACE.  I remembered shopping here at the mall with Kathlyn and her kids and I remember so many of my friends telling me how great the items and the prices were.  I walked in and it sounded like a choir of angels behind me went " AHHHHHHHHHH"...ok, not I'm exaggerating, but boy was I excited !
A full one half of the store was all boys and the signs and the discounts were REAL!!   After filling my arms to the point of hurting, I found a mesh bag to deposit my purchases in and continued looking for more things to add to the bag.   trying to imagine what will fit and what will not fit is hard when you haven't seen your kids in 8 months and the last pictures were 3 months ago.  I hoped that cinch able waistbands and a sewing kit would get me through the few weeks in Russia.  T-shirts, sweaters, socks, wind pants, sneakers, more shirts....you name it !  I get to counter and as the discounts mount, the woman says "if you apply for a card you get an additional 30% off."  ....My usual response to the credit card request is a quick NO, but I stopped and looked at her and said "Did you say 30% off".... "Yes Ma am.".......Well my momma didn't raise no fool and even I know that 30% IS a way to get more people to get your store credit card. The obligatory 10% just is not cutting it for experienced shoppers like me anymore! 
So when all was said and done and the card was approved my enormous bags of clothing for the boys came out to $116 total !! WOW !!   That yuppie store would have given me a sweater and pants for that money. 
So it is official...Been there, Shopped it, and I have the Credit card...The Children's Place is AWESOME !
We love Sales, we love deals and I have completed my therapy for the day.

Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then how would I replace it for that amount of money? ~Rita Rudner

It pays to be a pain in the *@$

I mailed the request for the LCSW Verification letter on August 30, 2010.  The one that we received in June was expiring on August 30, 2010 and we needed a new one. I remembered that it took 5 weeks to get the last one and I believe someone at the ever efficient NJ Office of the Attorney General probably lost it, and when I emailed consumer affairs wondering where it was, I got an immediate response from the director.  Poor Guy didn't realize how efficient I was [ he should have me on his team] and I saved his email and his secretary's email.  So after a week I began to email, and email and email again.  Yes it took 3 weeks but I got my document on Sept. 21, ONE DAY after a package just went off to Russia, but at least I got it.
This was the last "official" document we were waiting for in order to present to the courts. PHEW !   Yeah, don't worry, the shoe will drop and there will be 10 more documents to redo !

Then I get an email today from EAC [European Adoption Consultants], an adoption agency whole email list I am on from my searches in 2009.  SERBIA COMPLETES ADOPTION IN ONE TRIP....wow, what a way to slap me in the face !
Yes, Serbia is very similar to Russia, although I have not done any research on the country.  Mind you that all these easier quicker ways to adopt come about AFTER you have met your child and can't wait to get them.  I would not change anything now for the world because they are my boys and I want them home...but for anyone just starting....AVOID RUSSIA if there is an easier way.  They are not getting easier or cheaper, and believe me that I don't look for the path of least resistance; just maybe a road with passable lanes would be nice !
If nothing else I can tell you that the amount of money to redo things is absolutely ludicrous and it would explain why Russians are not the Superpower they are capable of being.  Get the old communists bureaucrats out and let the youth of that country begin to run it and enter the electronic age and watch how fast it would propel itself to a higher standing in the world.
Just in Apostille "RUSH FEES" and UPS I most certainly over $2500. Now I don't mean to bitch about costs so much, because I would not chosen Russia if that was the only factor, but the absurdness of so much of this makes PAPs scratch their heads over and over.

But on a lighter note, God is aligning the stars for us. Yesterday Our LCSW verification came in the mail, Kathlyn [my best friend travelling to Moscow with us] found her passport after a 2 month search and the doctor cleared me of any problems with my breasts. [ small worry on a mammogram that turned out to be nothing....phew].  So it looks like 9/21 was a good day and hopefully the next few weeks will bring news of travel.

Kathlyn wants to plan a shower for us, but we discussed it and I believe that after we return with the boys would be a better time.  First, we have no idea what size they are now or how much they weigh and Second, a party once we get home will give everyone a chance to meet them as well.  I looks like we are going to stay in Russia and take a short jaunt to Italy during the 2 week waiting period between trip one and two.  It costs $400 to go to Italy or $1200 to come back home......duh ! So we will porbably spend another week with the boys after court, knowing they are 'officially ours', then fly to Rome to meet Kathlyn and Paul for a week.   Kath and Paul will then fly to Moscow and wait for us while we go to Ekat to get the boys.

We are planned, packed [ two new toddler backpacks to help us get Jask and Noah through the airport] a new double stroller at home, courtesy of Auntie Angie, bedroom, clothes, travel stuff, donations....you name it !  Now we just need to be given a court date !


"There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children. "

Nelson Mandela

Never Ending Vacation

Just a few more redos of paperwork...yeah right.  The THIRD set of medicals is now being sent to Olga, with new ABMS certs- again, to the tune of $1400, to recertify the same doctor that was certified 3 times already.  The new Golden Cradle License came in the mail-Thank the Lord, because that was holding us up as well.
I asked Olga and Michalina "why is my paperwork still with Olga in Russia and not in the judges' hands?" their response: "everything is translated and ready to go, they are waiting for the judge to return from vacation, which is now said to be this week or so. Then everything gets handed to her assistant, who then hands it to the judge."  They are waiting for some of the New documents from the ones that expired. 
WELL HERE IS A CLUE---If we keep holding ONTO the documents before submitting them, then they are going to CONSTANTLY expire !! Three sets of medicals, three sets of FBI prints, two social worker certificates, two agency licenses, and we didn't even START to do redo financials yet, because you KNOW the judge will ask for that.
I am going to get ONE more set of medicals ready, JUST IN CASE...that's because I know how these people work.  They wonder why they are just barely surviving the fall of communism....HELLO...try a new electronic error !! 
The children of these countries should be allowed to run them, because the old fart beurocrats certainly cannot do a good job with their love of paperwork and the killing of trees !

The Eastern European students that come to my town for the summer are very advance in computers and all sorts of technology, as they should be....its the old left over communists that can't seem to get a grip. Maybe adoptions in Russia will be better in 20 years when these artifacts of the system die off slowly.

More money, more time, and yes...I am getting angrier at the system.   There is NO reason for this other than a power trip from narcissistic communists.  Meanwhile, these children (mine and many others) are sitting in homes not being given the attention and the love that they need to grow.  Yes, Ekat cares for these children more so then other places, but that is no substitute for a home and parents.

When Michalina said to me, : we are hoping to get you a date by the end of Oct, otherwise by early Dec.." I freaked out. I said I am NOT waiting until December !  I will steal them from the orphanage !
December !  Then we get into the holiday crap that they put me through last year.

So, doing my pasperwork fast and getting it to Olga in June....meant nothing !  Don't bother ! because it will NOT be submitted as quick as you submit it to them and you will spend most of your time re-doing it anyway.
 By the time I ssent my paperwork to her , I had to re do my medicals 2 weeks later.

So, maybe someday soon the judge will return from her never ending vacation.  Truth is, you aren't sure if they are on vacation or if its just another delay tactic. 

A visit with the past....

August 25-27th what an eventful week.  Our boys turned 20 months old in Ekaterinburg on August 26th, and Joe turned 45 on August 28th !  Happy Birthday Joe !
Beth Hurley and Mattie and Jake visited for a few days and we had an absolut blast.  It was wonderful to meet Mattie, Beth's son she adopted from China 3 years ago. He is full of smarts and cuteness.  He was deputized by Steve Cardi the K9 Office from the Sheriff's Department.  They got to meet Tess, the narcotics Chocolate Lab and Officer Steve gave Mattie and Jake badges.  Mattie wore his every minute of every day !  and what can we say about Jake.... What a character !  Jake was being adopted in March by Beth while Joe and I were visiting and meeting our boys.  We met at the Park Inn; what a story to tell people, " where did you meet?".... " Russia".  
Jake has been home about 5 months now from the same baby home that Jack and Noah are in.  He will be three in September and he is doing great.  You can see how much he loves life and his new home and family in the USA.   Jake fell in love with my dogs, Beau and Tara, but BoBo (as Jake calls him) is always special to kids.  He loves kids and kids love him !  He is 115 lbs of pure black lab love. 
We went to the beach and the pool and the boardwalk...what a sensory overload!  It was again bittersweet as I watched Jake laughing and playing and having such a great time, I mentally cursed out the judge in Russia and wanted to grab her and say "why are you making this take so long !! look how much fun these kids are having you B !!"    It was a good release to do that in my head. 
When you see how much these children enjoy life, it is sad to think about your own children waiting for you to pick them up and bring them to a life that a child should have.  One where they can play, fall, get loved, experience life outside of four walls and a metal fence.
Beth and Joe and I developed a new name for cursing around children...whenever someone is difficult, irrartional, stubborn, or just a plain a**hole; we say "what a Russian Judge you are !"  HA !  It was great !
What a release !
Beth, Mattie, and Jake had dinner with us at Luna, our family restaurant.  My cousins came to join us with my parents as well. It was Maria, Randy and their two children Ally and Jack.  Jack and Mattie had a blast ! Jack is 8 years old and he is great with kids and adults of all ages.  What a great character.  Ally, who is 11 going on 18, also had a blast while cousin Sandy let her behind the bar to mix drinks. All those years of private school and I teach her to bartend !
Jake especially loved the Moscato Sweet Dessert Wine we had after dinner. He helped his mom Beth lick that glass clean.  Of course, we got pictures of it and we considered sending those to the judge in Russia ! haha !
Well, all in all, it was a great week.  I start school again on  Monday to keep my mind busy while we wait for a court date.  I miss Jack and Noah very much and I get angry when I think about all the things that we could be doing together right now.  The trip to Disney in October that I planned over a year ago, will be postponed.  We planned it thinking we would certainly have the boys by Oct 2010. HA ! Should have known better !
Some day, when this is all over I will self publish a little book about the reality of Russian Adoption from Ekaterinburg.  There are a lot of books out there, none are region specific (which they should be) and none that I read really tell you the reality of how ridiculous some of this is. 
 1) Why do we need to go to Moscow when there is an American Embassy in Yekateriburg?!
 2) Even the FBI Customer Service Agent I spoke to thought the re-do of fingerprints every 3 months is absurd
 3) There are still people being paid off in Russia...no matter what any agency tells you !
 4) NONE of this is about the kids....it is ALL about the Russians and their pride.

I want my boys to appreciate their homeland and know about it and know their heritage, but I also want them to know the good and the bad. I am not one who sugar coats anything.  What they do to adoptive parents in this region is borderline criminal.

Beth and I compared people at home and the general ignorance about international vs domestic adoption.  There needs to be more publicity on how adoptions work. People just don't understand the procedures and how every region and country is so vastly different.  These processes need to be more transparent. 
No country is better or worse, no region is better or worse, they are all just VERY DIFFERENT; and this is something that I was not educated on when entering into the realm of international adoption.
Yes, I read the books...but they don't tell you how vastly different the lies that are printed are.  For instance; telling parents the average wait for Ekaterinburg is 6-8 months.....REALLY !  I ahve not met one adoptive parent yet that did an Ekat adoption in 6-8 months. Believe me I am like a speed demon with paperwork, but you are still helpless at the whim of the courts and the translators.

Someday soon,  Joe and I will have our family complete.  In the meantime, we trudge through the hurdles the Russian system places before us. We listen to the vague stories the agency associates tell families that are waiting for court, and we redo documents over and over again, mounting the expense for nothing.

Jack and Noah....we will be there soon.  Mama and Papa love you !
    

More Pictures and more anticipation....

Carol and Richard passed court on July 21, 2010 and they are now officially adopting their beautiful Son, Cole, and daughter Shannon. God Bless them.  I spoke to Richard briefly after their return trip home, and they graciously volunteered to take some documents to Olga for me the following Saturday, when they pick up their children.  Thanks ! Every few dollars of savings helps in this chaos. 

Richard said court was brutal, three hours of interrogations that left them feeling like they were bad parents and bad people. The female judge is every bit and worse of what they say she is.  Her disdain for Americans is very apparent, and her disdain for working women is even more apparent.

                                                                      

So here is Noah (Sasha) going for a walk in JULY, wearing a hat and sweaters. You gotta love these heat crazed people !

I try to breathe and anticipate what questions she might ask us, but its futile. I know that whatever I prepare for, she will throw a curve ball at us.

Ok..I am really going to try not to bring these photos out when my boys are 15 years old. Take a close look at Noah on the right....Do you see the Bumble from Rudolph??  Pink bonnets on Jack...hold on kids, mommy's coming !!!

Jack and Noah, actually looking like little boys, playing outdoors in shorts !!  This si a great play area. When Joe and I were there it was covered in a lot of snow !

Jack looking all serious !

Gotta Love a bonnet on a little boy in July !

Noah Laughing ...but still wearing floral jumpers.
Ah, oh well. I love this culture !

Richard and Carol DeGrace with Cole and Shannon

A Bitter Sweet Day in July

Friday July 16th appeared to be like any other ordinary day.  I would soon discover tears of Joy and heartache streaming down my face.  To begin, we had waited over 4 weeks for an updated Social Worker Certification license from the NJ Board of Social Work Examiners.  Since Golden Cradle requested thisI sent repeated emails to Monica who had Brenda Freed Mazel (the CSW) call to no avail.  The voice mail box was full, is what she kept saying.  Well, you know how that old saying goes " you want something done....". I got on my trusty computer (it hasn't let me down thus far!) and I look on the Div. of Consumer Affairs website for NJ and found the Directot J. Michael Walker and his email address for the Board of Social Work Examiners.  I sent him an email on Wednesday July 14.  Thursday I heard back from the automated email that I would get a response in 24 hours.  Well, I got a response and Michael was right on it.  I explained to him what happened with the notary on the first copy and that Russia would not accept it unless he notarized it. He quickly had a secretary call me, verify my address, sign it, seal it and notarize it and mail it to me on Friday the 16th.  Wheh !!!  The last paperwork hurdle over for now. Once that arrives I can apostille it and sent the last 3 documents to Ekat.  My paperwork was still being translated the last time I spoke to Olga, so hopefully we are well on our way. I pray !

The Bitter Sweet part was receiving an email Friday morning from Richard and Carol DeGrace of Cherry Hill, NJ.  They also are working with Frank Adoption and they have waited a grueling 13 months for their court date for their Boy and Girl, Cole and Victoria.  They are the ones that forwarned us about the space in the last name, since they already climbed the hurdle with DeGrace.  When they noticed LaMonaca and DiEduardo, they quickly warned us to make sure all of our paperwork had the space or no space, but as long as it matched the passports.  This, I am certain, saved us a tremendous amount of time and I could never thank them enough.

Carol DeGrace, My Boys and Her Daugther

Carol DeGrace & My Boys

My Big Boy Noah Walking !!

My Lap Lover Jack with his Care Taker

They asked at the orphanage if they could see my boys, and since they were also working with Frank Adoption, they brought them in for 5 minutes to allow them to send us some pictures.  WOW ! I cried like the day I left them when I saw those photos. How big they got, and to see them walking without Mama and Daddy's hands was also Bitter Sweet.

The boys are still holding onto one another.  Noah always reaching out a hand to make sure Jack is beside him.   It was such a wonderful day to see those pictures and to see how much they have grown.

That room brings back so many joyous memories, and those few photos will get me through another few months. 

That Friday was one of the best I have had so far in the waiting.  Thank you to all those wonderful parents our there who know what it is to wait and help us all get through it during these trying times.

As Jesus said in FootPrints..."It was then that I carried you..."

God Bless you Richard and Carol and your wonderful new family.

Best of Luck to you in court on July 21, 2010...I know it will be a wonderful day !!!