A Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and lonliness

There are so many things to be thankful for in my life; my husband, my friends and family, a stable home, but still the loneliness is overwhelming.  I miss by kids terribly.  I know I'm not alone on this journey and know so many have travelled here before me but it's still the loneliest road in the world.

You think at night and pretend you're telling off the judge.  Oh boy the things I said I said ! The contempt you feel for a people distraught with pride and prejudice towards Adopting Parents. Why would anyone hurt a child like this?  Why would any caring country or individual make a family suffer? 

You ask these questions over and over. But on Thanksgiving Day I was still thankful.  Thankful for the wonderful friends and family I had around me. A support system that no country could take away no matter what.

So many Thanksgivings have passed.  Most empty, with no noise of children fighting over the hors d'oeuvres, or telling you that they want snacks instead of turkey.   But I am hoping and praying that soon that will end.  That the noise of toddlers and bickering siblings fills my house like the turkey and dressings fill our table.

This Thanksgiving I am very thankful.  Thankful for the opportunity to love two boys and teach them what this holiday is all about.  Thankful that God gives me the ability to help others and mostly the balance to go ahead and do it as well.  

To have a huge dinner on Thanksgiving and not know what it means to be there is lonely. To show contempt towards others, blood or water; breeds this loneliness. To not understand that peace within ourselves comes from giving Peace to others.  To know that in helping others, we help ourselves in so many ways.  To know that sometimes honesty is in what we do, not in what we say. 

Thanksgiving comes every year, but the gratitude that we show must be shown everyday.  I am still thankful for every heartbreaking moment of wait...because without the wait, I may not appreciate the gift I am receiving.  Every thing worth having has its sacrifice, but the gift that you're receiving is worth so much more than the price.

“Whatever our individual troubles and challenges may be, it’s important to pause every now and then to appreciate all that we have, on every level. We need to literally “count our blessings,” give thanks for them, allow ourselves to enjoy them, and relish the experience of prosperity we already have.” — Shakti Gawain

Happy Thanksgiving.  and happy monthday to Jack and Noah who are 23 months old today !