The Rollar Coaster Ride of Adoption

Good Morning ! There are so many new updates in just a few days and I am happy to report that these are happy updates. Our Agency Facilitator Michalina and our Ekaterinburg contact Olga, have worked furiously to get answers and they finally did. Apparently the region of Ekat jumped the gun a little bit and they issued these referrals before the children had cleared their national database for international adoption. ( I guess the loved us...yeah right !) . What happens is that children are relinquished from their birth mothers and enter into a national database in Russia. While they are there it works almost similar to our domestic adoption situation from the foster care system. They must remain there for at least 8 months before they can clear the database and then be made available to other countries for adoption. We received our referral when our boys were 11 months old and sometimes it takes a little bit for the Dept. Of Ed. to get on the ball and clear the database. They move like a typical bureaucracy, at the speed of a thundering herd of turtles. So, after prodding and maybe even threats (just kidding) by Olga in country , we find out yesterday that this was the case and that the boys ARE clearing the database this week and are still available for us to adopt ! Olga even personally WENT to the orphanage and confirmed the boys were there, who then added how adorable they were. (as if I thought they wouldn't be :)) ---
So, Since we are going to away Feb 6-13Th we cannot travel or get our Visas until we return and Michalina will get our passports when we get back and immediately get us our visa to travel for trip one ! We are estimating end of Feb or 1st week of March. --Yeah, cause its only minus 25 in Ekat right now and we will have a nice Caribbean tan !
So, I offer one piece of advice to all--research your agency, feel comfortable with them at all times, and put your faith that they will come through eventually. The road to international adoption is not for the light heartened or weak and it takes a strong will and determination to get through it in one piece.
My friends and family have been ultra supportive and I thank all of you for that. Your words, emails and caring have helped us through this and I know that will make it so much sweeter when we come home with our children.
My cousin Joe told me that my footprints poem was his mother's favorite poem. So maybe what happened over the last few days was intervention from Aunt Mary and Marylou who are a little bit tired of Sandy getting beat up down here and they said...NO MORE ! It's a great thought and I say thank you to them for if they did intervene on a higher level, it is appreciated and needed !

Well, now that the initial feelings of receiving a referral have all re-surfaced. The delay was subsiding the excitement and even turned to scepticism at times, but now the smile is back and we shall hope that it stays there for a while.

So until I receive more updates, Thank you !! and I will keep everyone posted with more results and this note " THERE ARE NO GREAT PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD, ONLY GREAT CHALLENGES WHICH ORDINARY PEOPLE RISE TO MEET. "

And the Other Shoe Drops.....

So I spoke to my agency yesterday, after they received my desperate email of "What is going on..??" We are now quickly approaching three (3) months since referral and still no travel dates for trip one. I was frustrated, sleepless, anxious and frankly...worried. Something just didn't feel right. So when Michalina called Joe and I around 5pm, we had our feelings confirmed. She said she also felt that something was not right and that this delay was not characteristic of Ekaterinburg. If this was a few other regions, it would not be worrying her, but this was indeed raising a red flag for her. She had been on the phone with our contact in Ekat for weeks now and was growing as anxious and upset as we were. She reiterated to them that this is people's emotions we are dealing with, and I was happy to see that she clearly understood how we were feeling. Ekat Min. of Ed was just blowing off our facilitator in Ekat and there was something going on. Our agency and I for that matter, believed that these children may not be available any longer and that they were dragging us on with a delay. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Although Joe and I were ecstatic and cautiously optimistic, we never allowed ourselves to fall in love too much, knowing that the other shoe could drop at any time in the adoption process. All the books and education tell you not to get attached until you are on the plane home with child and visa in hand.
I felt glad that I was not imagining things or being overly cautious, but given my experiences and history...I always wait for the shoe....! So, here we are, maybe back to step one of waiting for our referral. Michalina will speak to Ekat today and frankly, we are both nervous about giving an ultimatum because it could mean more money spent and then a failure in the long run. We have agreed to refuse the referral and move on to another region. Yes it is heart breaking, but also a little bit of a relief as well. The miracle of twins may not have been destined for us, and I probably should have known it was too good to be true. As long as those boys were adopted by a loving caring family, that's what matters, Not that they are coming home with me. I just want to find peace in knowing that they are cared for and not sitting in an orphanage waiting for parents. So, we wait for more updates...a few tears will be shed again, but that's the process I suppose. Joe and I have never faltered in our agreements on any issue and I believe that has made us strong through this whole process. We have tried to keep our emotions out of this decision early on, hard, but necessary for survival. I am glad we have an agency that is understanding, and I can imagine how difficult it was for her to tell us that she had red flag feelings. You never know how PAPs will respond to that. Some blame the agency, some get emotional and end the process, but not Joe and I. For us, it's just another mountain that we climb together and it makes our relationship that much stronger and it will make the end result that much sweeter when it arrives. So, I will leave you all with this last note...."It's not what happens to you that's important, It's what you do about it that counts."

Still Waiting..............

Yes here we are, Happy New Year...right? January 6th and still no word on travel. The twins turned 12 months old already and I haven't even met them. Monday will be two months since we received our referral and the infamous words "We need an answer quickly....". I think this is done just so the PAPs (Potential Adoptive Parents) can get emotion into an already tremendously emotional event. Then to be told "you'll be travelling a few weeks, days....and now ...who knows."
Agencies will always tell you the same thing. "we're working on it." "we're talking to Russia." but the reality is that we don't really know what is happening. PAPs are left in dark to handle their emotions and just wait.
If the wait is this long to MEET the kids, I can only imagine what step two will be like. This part is the frustration of not knowing, not being able to plan, not being able to dream or even talk about what your future might be. It's very frustrating and you feel alone and empty and almost ready to bite off the head of another person that asks "When are you getting your kids??"
It isn't anyone's fault. People care, they ask, they are genuinely concerned and they have no idea what your insides are doing.
As PAPs you feel that someone forgot you and you are left with still nothing. Its heart wrenching. Then let us not forget those who try to "fix" the situation by giving you other options; "so and so was done in 3 months....so and so got their kids from Guatemala, why don't you go there...so and so got their kids from this agency in 6 months..." AHHHHHHHHHHHHH - I know, they are just trying to help, but a small word of advice, this is not the way to help PAPs cope. Just be supportive and offer a hug, not an alternative adoption plan. PAPs that are at this stage of the game have already done months of research, planning and spending BEFORE they got to the referral stage, so changing horses mid race is NOT an option.
And so , we are in the New Year 2010, waiting for who knows how much longer.