And the Other Shoe Drops.....

So I spoke to my agency yesterday, after they received my desperate email of "What is going on..??" We are now quickly approaching three (3) months since referral and still no travel dates for trip one. I was frustrated, sleepless, anxious and frankly...worried. Something just didn't feel right. So when Michalina called Joe and I around 5pm, we had our feelings confirmed. She said she also felt that something was not right and that this delay was not characteristic of Ekaterinburg. If this was a few other regions, it would not be worrying her, but this was indeed raising a red flag for her. She had been on the phone with our contact in Ekat for weeks now and was growing as anxious and upset as we were. She reiterated to them that this is people's emotions we are dealing with, and I was happy to see that she clearly understood how we were feeling. Ekat Min. of Ed was just blowing off our facilitator in Ekat and there was something going on. Our agency and I for that matter, believed that these children may not be available any longer and that they were dragging us on with a delay. NOT ACCEPTABLE. Although Joe and I were ecstatic and cautiously optimistic, we never allowed ourselves to fall in love too much, knowing that the other shoe could drop at any time in the adoption process. All the books and education tell you not to get attached until you are on the plane home with child and visa in hand.
I felt glad that I was not imagining things or being overly cautious, but given my experiences and history...I always wait for the shoe....! So, here we are, maybe back to step one of waiting for our referral. Michalina will speak to Ekat today and frankly, we are both nervous about giving an ultimatum because it could mean more money spent and then a failure in the long run. We have agreed to refuse the referral and move on to another region. Yes it is heart breaking, but also a little bit of a relief as well. The miracle of twins may not have been destined for us, and I probably should have known it was too good to be true. As long as those boys were adopted by a loving caring family, that's what matters, Not that they are coming home with me. I just want to find peace in knowing that they are cared for and not sitting in an orphanage waiting for parents. So, we wait for more updates...a few tears will be shed again, but that's the process I suppose. Joe and I have never faltered in our agreements on any issue and I believe that has made us strong through this whole process. We have tried to keep our emotions out of this decision early on, hard, but necessary for survival. I am glad we have an agency that is understanding, and I can imagine how difficult it was for her to tell us that she had red flag feelings. You never know how PAPs will respond to that. Some blame the agency, some get emotional and end the process, but not Joe and I. For us, it's just another mountain that we climb together and it makes our relationship that much stronger and it will make the end result that much sweeter when it arrives. So, I will leave you all with this last note...."It's not what happens to you that's important, It's what you do about it that counts."